User Tag List

First 311121314 Last

Results 121 to 130 of 131

  1. #121
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    I would say the second is aggravating, but also has a necessary purpose, it just depends on whether the criticism is true or not and if it needs to be fixed with immediacy.

  2. #122
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    nnnn
    Posts
    1,633

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    The first one often has the word 'constructive' prepended and I can't blame a person for using that. It's the second one that will drive anyone crazy.
    Yup, that's what I was going to say, constructive. I'd say (1) is more NT than (2) is.

  3. #123
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Yup, that's what I was going to say, constructive. I'd say (1) is more NT than (2) is.
    Healthier NT, yeah. Not that I can say much since I use 2 more often than I like.

    That said, of the two NT women I tried getting close to, I ran from the first out of immature unhealthy fear (more love than I was expecting), the other just didn't see me that way. One situation squarely my fault, the other no body's fault.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #124
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I'm very, very live-and-let-live. That's why compatibility on the important stuff is crucial right from the start. I'm not out to find someone I consider "hot" and then proceed to change everything I don't like about them. I'm looking for someone I can respect, who complements me without driving me nuts, and who is an adult about things--meaning not wanting to be the star of the show, not being passive-aggressive, not being a martyr, not expecting to be waited on. If that stuff is in place, the little stuff that I may not have thought I wanted is just part of the package and is more easily accommodated.

    I've often thought there was an important distinction between wanting someone to change who they are, and the general adaptation one does to accommodate the person you care about. Too many people confuse "who they are" with selfish or prickish behavior. I'm an introvert, and I'm independent. I'm not suddenly going to stop needing alone time or suddenly account for every second of my day. But I'm also not going to say, "I don't like group activities EVER, and sometimes you won't know where I am and you should deal with it, because that's who I am, baby!" If my partner wants to go out sometimes and I would rather stay home all the time, it would be unfair of me to cling to my preferences and never, ever go out. It's an accommodation of someone you love, not a controlling device. However, I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I was with someone I was wildly incompatible with in those areas. I wouldn't be with a party animal or a clingy person.

    I say all that to say this: I think if you have assessed general compatibility pretty early on, it'll be a lot easier to employ the "live and let live" strategy.
    Something Witty

  5. #125
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think there are also guys who like the idea of dating a hellcat, but they have the fantasy that the hellcat is a kitten around him. Thanks, Hollywood.
    Oh, I don't think it's just Hollywood that's to blame. It's a fantasy as old as "all women secretly want to be dominated by ME!". Or "a lesbian is just a woman who hasn't had sex with ME yet".

    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    If it's happened to the author a "million" times, maybe it's not the men she dates, but the fact she's the relationship Simon Cowell.
    Simon Cowell does okay though. Funny, innit?

    The problem is that these men are attracted to her for the very qualities that they then complain about. This is something I hear a lot of men say women do. Guess what? You guys do it too.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #126
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INfj
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    740

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I'm very, very live-and-let-live. That's why compatibility on the important stuff is crucial right from the start. I'm not out to find someone I consider "hot" and then proceed to change everything I don't like about them. I'm looking for someone I can respect, who complements me without driving me nuts, and who is an adult about things--meaning not wanting to be the star of the show, not being passive-aggressive, not being a martyr, not expecting to be waited on. If that stuff is in place, the little stuff that I may not have thought I wanted is just part of the package and is more easily accommodated.

    I've often thought there was an important distinction between wanting someone to change who they are, and the general adaptation one does to accommodate the person you care about. Too many people confuse "who they are" with selfish or prickish behavior. I'm an introvert, and I'm independent. I'm not suddenly going to stop needing alone time or suddenly account for every second of my day. But I'm also not going to say, "I don't like group activities EVER, and sometimes you won't know where I am and you should deal with it, because that's who I am, baby!" If my partner wants to go out sometimes and I would rather stay home all the time, it would be unfair of me to cling to my preferences and never, ever go out. It's an accommodation of someone you love, not a controlling device. However, I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I was with someone I was wildly incompatible with in those areas. I wouldn't be with a party animal or a clingy person.

    I say all that to say this: I think if you have assessed general compatibility pretty early on, it'll be a lot easier to employ the "live and let live" strategy.
    Hm, I don't know. I've only been in one RL relationship, but many online ones... it always seems like I'm super accommodating at the beginning when I'm lovestruck, but then as stuff starts to get to be too much and I start to question things rationally about our relationship (and not just the philosophical ideas that they love me for debating with them) they realize 'oh... she'll never be my ideal' and give up. That or, they don't realize it, and I have to end it for their sake.

    I guess I should be more assertive at the outset? I've been doing that lately...
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  7. #127
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Blairvoyant View Post
    Hm, I don't know. I've only been in one RL relationship, but many online ones... it always seems like I'm super accommodating at the beginning when I'm lovestruck, but then as stuff starts to get to be too much and I start to question things rationally about our relationship (and not just the philosophical ideas that they love me for debating with them) they realize 'oh... she'll never be my ideal' and give up. That or, they don't realize it, and I have to end it for their sake.

    I guess I should be more assertive at the outset? I've been doing that lately...
    I've had similar issues as to after the stars are gone and I'm more myself I become scary; so I'm also pushing more of what I'm like to start with so they run before I get attached instead of after. It works, it just turns into longer stints of lonliness which you may be worried about less than I can be.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #128
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I don't know--I worry less about scaring people away than I worry about them putting on a good show and then turning into a different person altogether. I try to encourage conversations about the way they tend to be in relationships and their attitudes, etc. I look for maturity. But even after all that, people are still fickle and don't always know what they want until they have it, or don't know that they don't want it until they have it. And I can be that way, too. Overall, I think rare types are going to have a harder time finding a perfect match.
    Something Witty

  9. #129
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I don't know--I worry less about scaring people away than I worry about them putting on a good show and then turning into a different person altogether. I try to encourage conversations about the way they tend to be in relationships and their attitudes, etc. I look for maturity. But even after all that, people are still fickle and don't always know what they want until they have it, or don't know that they don't want it until they have it. And I can be that way, too. Overall, I think rare types are going to have a harder time finding a perfect match.
    I prefer being able to scare the wrong ones away, I just sometimes wonder if I go overboard and scare the right ones away too. ^^;;
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #130
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I prefer being able to scare the wrong ones away, I just sometimes wonder if I go overboard and scare the right ones away too. ^^;;
    Well, I would worry about that, too. It's one thing to be yourself, but another to amplify how you really are in an effort to scare off the wrong ones or test a potential mate. I mean, I understand it as a strategy, but I prefer to hang out and interact with someone for a while. I can usually tell how they react in certain situations and whether our personalities gel. I've had men want to "get it all out there" in the first couple of dates, and while I understand it, it kind of kills the romance for me. First of all, it's a date, not a job interview, and second of all, at that point, I don't know all the good stuff about you yet that's going to help me overlook the other stuff.
    Something Witty

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] Female NTs and Men: What do you need in a relationship?
    By ListNinja in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 156
    Last Post: 08-05-2015, 01:22 PM
  2. [NT] NTs . . . Why are You Messy?
    By Haight in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 112
    Last Post: 06-23-2009, 12:24 PM
  3. [NT] Question for NT Women - Are you a feminist?
    By Lauren Ashley in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 77
    Last Post: 03-06-2009, 04:48 PM
  4. [NT] NT, How Are You NOT Like Your Type Description?
    By SquirrelTao in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 78
    Last Post: 09-27-2008, 05:05 PM
  5. INTJ female (sigh, where are all the others?)
    By creativeRhino in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 06-26-2008, 11:44 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO