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  1. #11
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    This is a little odd. I heart the shit out of ENTPs-but most often I am talking over them, and rudely interrupting them. At our age, they use enough Fe, to not be so rude.

    I just blurt out things in my brain. We have fun with really rough, head to head debate, very pointed and questioning where we interrupt each other-but in just normal convos I am far more likely to ramble on with stories.

  2. #12
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    Waffle, it never occurs to my ENFP daughter that she needs to get her dad's full attention before she can really talk to him, perhaps because she has such a scattered personality herself. Since my husband works at home, she'll walk right in on him when he's in the middle of something complicated and just start talking and he usually blows up at her. Since he tends to focus so intensely, he's told all of us to get his attention first by saying something simple and direct -- "Dad, I've got a problem I need to talk to you about, do you have a minute?" and then, if he does, he gives his full attention. If not, it's your responsibility (unfortunately) to request an audience later. As for the people-are-interchangable-and-disposable attitude that your mother has, I can relate because my husband's the same way. It drives me nuts and I still don't get how he manages, but people really love him. Maybe it's different for women? Even though I can never, ever relate to people that way, my husband's attitude has helped give me some perspective in the relationship department -- but for me it translates as more confidence to be myself, even if other people find it alienating or just strange. Anyway, your mother is probably a wonderful resource for you and a great person to have in your corner when the going gets tough, but working on the relationship will probably always be up to you. Don't be hesitant to discuss your relationship with her, but be sure to do it in a calm, straightforward way, as a problem for her to solve: "Mom, here's the problem I think we have, what do you think you could do about it and what do you suggest I do?"

  3. #13
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    The situation we are talking about, however, is when *I was talking* (or the original poster was talking) and then we were continually spoken over or interrupted.

    We're not talking about a situation where you just get tired of someone else's boring stories, so you get up and leave. That's not the case. It's when YOU WERE TALKING and they rudely took over. And did it again. And again. And again. For hours on end, like the OP's birthday party. It's just silliness on their part. I'm not being rude. They are. So, I just peacefully do something else. If they *want an explanation*, the explanation is simply, "you keep talking over me. It's very rude. I'm not angry or anything like that. Continue to enjoy your day. I'm going to go do something else."

    I mean, if the OP wants *results* or actually wants her mother to stop doing what she's doing, then these are the kind of things that might make her see the light. If she doesn't want results and wants to continue being talked over and rudely interrupted and extremely frustrated, then I guess just sit there and politely listen every time she interrupts. But, maybe that's the difference between T and F mind sets? One is willing to put up with just about anything and tolerate nonsense for the sake of harmony, while the other just isn't going to put up with it.
    Again, I can't really disagree with you. I just want to repeat that a lot of people find it rude if you just walk away when they're talking. It doesn't even have anything to do with T or F mind sets if you ask me. I just can't think of a situation where walking away would be preferable to voicing your opinion in a constructive way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    Waffle, it never occurs to my ENFP daughter that she needs to get her dad's full attention before she can really talk to him, perhaps because she has such a scattered personality herself. Since my husband works at home, she'll walk right in on him when he's in the middle of something complicated and just start talking and he usually blows up at her. Since he tends to focus so intensely, he's told all of us to get his attention first by saying something simple and direct -- "Dad, I've got a problem I need to talk to you about, do you have a minute?" and then, if he does, he gives his full attention. If not, it's your responsibility (unfortunately) to request an audience later. As for the people-are-interchangable-and-disposable attitude that your mother has, I can relate because my husband's the same way. It drives me nuts and I still don't get how he manages, but people really love him. Maybe it's different for women? Even though I can never, ever relate to people that way, my husband's attitude has helped give me some perspective in the relationship department -- but for me it translates as more confidence to be myself, even if other people find it alienating or just strange. Anyway, your mother is probably a wonderful resource for you and a great person to have in your corner when the going gets tough, but working on the relationship will probably always be up to you. Don't be hesitant to discuss your relationship with her, but be sure to do it in a calm, straightforward way, as a problem for her to solve: "Mom, here's the problem I think we have, what do you think you could do about it and what do you suggest I do?"
    That actually sounds quite perfect. I wish more people were honestly blunt. Your advice would sound like constructive criticism, I could totally handle constructive criticism like that, even if it sounds a bit blunt. Sounding blunt or direct has never hurt anybody as long as you don't sound judgemental.

    Example: There is this girl, The first thing I ever said to her was that she had a bit of a tummy and that she needed to row more, we're now friends. Talk about being rude!
    (removed)

  4. #14
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    She is also quite upfront and blunt about what she is thinking, to the point of being rude. I tend to soften my thoughts to make sure that I don't offend anyone but get my point across.
    I don't have time to write a full response, but I think the part I highlighted is a big point of contention between ENTP/ENFP.

    I hate being coddled. When someone "dumbs" something down for me, it feels patronizing - like they don't respect me. If I tell you something straight, it's because I like you and respect you. If I sugarcoat something, it's because I am blowing smoke up your ass and I want out of that conversation quickly. So I feel that way when others do it to me, as if I am a stupid little child who can't understand things. I don't get offended by thoughts - I get offended when thoughts are softened.

    And I like things to be quick and to the point. If someone gives 10 minutes of disclaimers ("I really hope you understand that I mean no offense, and that I understand your viewpoint, blah blah blah") I get very impatient. Just speak your mind and stand behind what you said. Being direct is the most direct way to get to my heart.

  5. #15
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    Waffle, it never occurs to my ENFP daughter that she needs to get her dad's full attention before she can really talk to him, perhaps because she has such a scattered personality herself. Since my husband works at home, she'll walk right in on him when he's in the middle of something complicated and just start talking and he usually blows up at her. Since he tends to focus so intensely, he's told all of us to get his attention first by saying something simple and direct -- "Dad, I've got a problem I need to talk to you about, do you have a minute?" and then, if he does, he gives his full attention. If not, it's your responsibility (unfortunately) to request an audience later.
    Oh, and +1000000 to this.

    Don't just come in with a wall of words. Respect the fact that my brain is also running a mile per minute and I get very intense. Being interrupted is very jarring.

    And yes, I think of most people as interchangeable - because they simply are.

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