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  1. #1
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Default Emotional rejection?

    I surely can't be the only one who feels some sense of rejection when extreme emotional acts are shown, and ignored, or merely recognized with a simple 'aww, you are so cute', like it really didn't mean much but dammit I worked forever on it.

    Am I just overly sensitive about some of these things, or does this happen to others (in large-ish amounts...not that it doesn't happen to anyone else).

    I just feel so...I dunno, out of place overall when doing extreme emotional/thoughtful/sweet acts or whatver, but I don't really notice it until it doesn't get the reaction (aka a big one) that I was hoping for. I feel like it undermines my reputation as a robot (which I sort of try to maintain for the purpose of protection/it is comfortable). And then when I don't get the reaction I was hoping for, I tell myself "oh, well, don't be sweet anymore...you are too sappy, too needy, this is pitiful" etc

    It is just really bothering because I enjoy making people happy, but when it goes unnoticed, I want to stop, but sometimes I keep doing and feel like an idiot. I am not entirely sure why I feel like an idiot when initiating emotional things.

    Soooo...for lack of a better term....how do I stop being sensitive to reactions to things that make me feel vulnerable?
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  2. #2
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    When I show emotions I just get labelled as acting childish because the difference between how I normally act and how I do when I actually feel passionate, or caring are so great. The divide between the two states may be part of the cause of our problem (Though when I think about this statement my natural inclination is to think the person recieving what affection we have is 'lucky'). Let me think on this some more and come back with a better answer.

  3. #3
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I think the first thing to do is to not setup an expected response for anything that you do for another person.

    How that person responds to what you do for them is entirely out of your control, and thus not a good candidate for setting expectations on.

    Acts of service and giving of gifts are two things that seem likely candidates for the phenomena you speak of.

    If you simply recognize that these things you do are for the sake of another person simply because you care to do as such for them, and have no expectation of return then you free yourself from being disappointed if they react differently than you think they should when they receive the fruits of your kindness.
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  4. #4
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I just conclude that anyone who does not appreciate something awesome I've done for them is an undeserving asshole who shall not receive my kindness in the future

    yes, it's a cold view, but a little courtesey and thankfullness never killed anyone

    *aka, whatever has a quick temper with those who are not as polite as she is at times
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    When I show emotions I just get labelled as acting childish because the difference between how I normally act and how I do when I actually feel passionate, or caring are so great. The divide between the two states may be part of the cause of our problem (Though when I think about this statement my natural inclination is to think the person recieving what affection we have is 'lucky'). Let me think on this some more and come back with a better answer.
    I shall await your wisdom

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I think the first thing to do is to not setup an expected response for anything that you do for another person.

    How that person responds to what you do for them is entirely out of your control, and thus not a good candidate for setting expectations on.

    Acts of service and giving of gifts are two things that seem likely candidates for the phenomena you speak of.

    If you simply recognize that these things you do are for the sake of another person simply because you care to do as such for them, and have no expectation of return then you free yourself from being disappointed if they react differently than you think they should when they receive the fruits of your kindness.
    I don't set up an expected response...just when I do things, they tend to be really over the top. So, I dunno, I want some kind of correlation between the level of creativity and effort and the reaction.


    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I just conclude that anyone who does not appreciate something awesome I've done for them is an undeserving asshole who shall not receive my kindness in the future

    yes, it's a cold view, but a little courtesey and thankfullness never killed anyone

    *aka, whatever has a quick temper with those who are not as polite as she is at times
    He pays attention, but he is an INTJ...therefore I make it my goal to get a reaction out of him. I just like getting reactions outta people!
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  6. #6
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    oooh... I can understand that!

    yeah, I used to go WAY over the top in complements to my ISTJ until he got the point that I thrive on attention and praise, and now occasionally remembers to praise my good deeds
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  7. #7
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I ALWAYS go all over the top...it is getting quite extreme!
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  8. #8
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Default

    I think Hall74 is right (he'll be surprised to me hear me say that!).

    Antimony - I think you explained your own problem:

    I don't set up an expected response...just when I do things, they tend to be really over the top. So, I dunno, I want some kind of correlation between the level of creativity and effort and the reaction.
    Sounds like you need to take more conscious control of your Fe.

    Think about it fromt he other person's point of view - you are usually very unemotional and then suddenly you pour out a load of uncontrolled emotion on them. How is that not supposed to leave them wrongfooted?...
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  9. #9
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    ^ That's! what I meant. You said that much better than I did.

  10. #10
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I am not generally unemotional....it tends to have some kind of buildup! It all just kind of...I dunno, happens! I wasn't saying it leaves him wrongfooted or anything.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

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