[INTP] INTPs and feeling uncomfortable

[Salomé]

You already know all the possible outcomes. You just don't want to show your hand because there's a chance you'll lose.

"Nice" guys don't get rejected for being nice, they get rejected because they lack balls. That's not a good strategy. Evolutionarily speaking.

 

[goodgrief]

Well essentially, I am pretty pathetic at making changes to my life (even small ones). I have social anxiety to a fair degree and I worry about any decision before I do it. I feel uncomfortable expressing my emotions and therefore rarely do so, but I actually have a lot I really wish I could say to people. I'm love/sex shy to the point I won't even mention if I find someone on TV attractive or bring up love and sex in a conversation. I even get nervous ringing someone up to ask to go do something, so yeah, it's that extreme. I'm working on it, had a breakdown (private of course) a few weeks ago but I'm getting over it. Still pretty pathetic though. I need about a 99.5% chance of relative success before I make a decision or I will keep stalling.

 

[goodgrief]

You already know all the possible outcomes. You just don't want to show your hand because there's a chance you'll lose.

"Nice" guys don't get rejected for being nice, they get rejected because they lack balls. That's not a good strategy. Evolutionarily speaking.

I know. But I don't quite know the chances, which leads me back to my original question. Should this fail, is it likely I will stay a good friend?

 

[Salomé]

Well essentially, I am pretty pathetic at making changes to my life (even small ones). I have social anxiety to a fair degree and I worry about any decision before I do it. I feel uncomfortable expressing my emotions and therefore rarely do so, but I actually have a lot I really wish I could say to people. I'm love/sex shy to the point I won't even mention if I find someone on TV attractive or bring up love and sex in a conversation. I even get nervous ringing someone up to ask to go do something, so yeah, it's that extreme. I'm working on it, had a breakdown (private of course) a few weeks ago but I'm getting over it. Still pretty pathetic though. I need about a 99.5% chance of relative success before I make a decision or I will keep stalling.

Do you make all decisions this way?
Fuck-up once in a while. Live a little.
Or
Wait for her to show interest. E.g. If she starts touching you, it's a good sign. INTPs usually don't touch people just to be friendly the way some women do.

 

[goodgrief]

Yeah I know she never touches anyone.

 

[Rebe]

The best way to learn is to make mistakes...just walk the plank.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Well essentially, I am pretty pathetic at making changes to my life (even small ones). I have social anxiety to a fair degree and I worry about any decision before I do it. I feel uncomfortable expressing my emotions and therefore rarely do so, but I actually have a lot I really wish I could say to people. I'm love/sex shy to the point I won't even mention if I find someone on TV attractive or bring up love and sex in a conversation. I even get nervous ringing someone up to ask to go do something, so yeah, it's that extreme. I'm working on it, had a breakdown (private of course) a few weeks ago but I'm getting over it. Still pretty pathetic though. I need about a 99.5% chance of relative success before I make a decision or I will keep stalling.

You don't really seem ready for this, TBH.

 

[MacGuffin]

Yeah, ignore the PUA stuff spam was posting about if you want any meaningful relationship with her.

You'll just have to ask her out. There's no way to trick someone into a worthwhile relationship or ensure you get the outcome you desire. That's life.

 

[Arthur Schopenhauer]

She's in a similar life situation to me, which is to say, pretty average and boring. But she's less shy than me, even though she is a little. She's never dated. She said a guy once said he loved her for how she thought(she has a pretty cool mind) and unnoficially married himself to her, so I hope that means he was incompatible rather than that she was just uninterested.

AH! Why do I overthink everything!?

 

[alakazam]

IME INTPs in friendships [and relationships, for some] will reflect the disposition of the other person.

Yeah, we're chameleons. I read more about this somewhere, but can't find it...

 

[INTP]

I wouldnt really mind if someone had feelings towards me and i didnt feel the same for her. That is if she could act normally after telling about her feelings. But thats just me and im a male.

 

[Shimmy]

Yeah, any advice I can give you, I know you will disregard. The fundamental blockade here is your attitude. I think you're making way to big a deal out of it, and that leads us to the following:

IME INTPs in friendships [and relationships, for some] will reflect the disposition of the other person. If you fail miserably, she won't be weird if you're not weird. But if you are, then she will be, or just simply cut you off.

I don't even think it's an INTP thing, people in general work this way.

Whatever you decide to do, ignore spam.

Are you trying to tell me that an INTP can be seduced? And that an INTJ is capable of seduction?

Then you press x,z,x,y,down,right,right,up and bam! You're there .

I don't like the idea that I'm manipulating someones feelings and values either. Unless they're absolutely stupid of course.

Frankly, the closest I'd ever get to seducing is being particularly nice but still being myself. And when I am with someone like this girl, I am naturally nice.

Seduction isn't just about following fixed protocols and manipulating feelings, it's about presenting yourself in the most desirable way. Ideally seduction is the pretty package that holds the perfect product. Now you don't have to run off and get all the PUA stuff you can find, but a little general social knowledge has never done harm to anybody. On the subject of seduction I share the opinion expressed in the movie 'hitch'.

If all else fails there's always alcohol*. And don't bother on getting her drunk, it's you who should loosen up a bit.

*Other peoples morals and general decency make me feel I'm supposed to put a little disclaimer here about the dangers of drinking. Instead I'm going to tell you that alcohol has helped people get dates since longer then I care to remember.

 

[King sns]

Okay, a while ago I posted to ask how to tell if an INTP likes you because I have feelings for one. Unfortunately so far I've seen few signs. I still want to ask her out.

Basically here is the thing. She is my close friend, there is another guy she refers to as her best friend, but he doesn't seemto spend much time with her. Anyway, we get along really well and I just love being with her. I stayed behind after school today until her parents arrived to pick her up (which took about 45 minutes) and it was the happiest I've been in a while. I'm really thinking of telling her my feelings but I'm worried that if I am rejected, it may hinder the friendship and it may become awkward. I want to know whether INTPs handle this sort of thing well and if it's likely to cause a problem. On my side I would be embarrassed for a while but I would still want the friendship to stay strong and wouldn't let it get in the way. Would an INTP be able to continue on as if it never happened?

IME, no.

INTP's i've known have been really uncomfortable in emotional/relationship situations, hold grudges, and aren't able to bounce back.

On the other hand, she may really feel the same way... It sounds like you really like her, and it may drive you crazy if you never do anything about it.

I say, tell her your feelings regardless of how you think she'll react. You will probably be quite happy with the end result. If you remain concerned with a possible bad reaction, than you will never know.

(Edit: Oh, and if they have feelings for you they will respond in full force-awkwardly.)

 

[Salomé]

IME, no.

INTP's i've known have been really uncomfortable in emotional/relationship situations, hold grudges, and aren't able to bounce back.

From being asked out???

We're weird. But we're not that weird.

 

[INTPness]

In regards to your social anxiety, just know this: your true self, your most authentic self (the one who doesn't like to talk about sex/feelings, or the one who really does desire to talk about it - whichever one is the authentic you) is exactly what you should go with. Strip off the pretentious thoughts that we're all so prone to have. Thoughts like, "Should I be like this or should I be like that?" That's stressful. Just strip down to the most authentic you and put that out there.

You might really like her for her mind, but don't forget that as an INTJ, your mind is a huge asset too. Your intelligence, your logic, your thought process, your humor, etc, etc, are things that you have to put out there on the table for her to see. Not in a fake way. In an authentic way. Put the fruit out on the table and let her sniff it - probably a 75% chance she's going to be intrigued by it. But, if you just keep it in your pocket, there's nothing to be intrigued by.

If she likes your authentic self, then you guys are probably off and running. If she doesn't, don't be offended in the slightest (I know this is easier said than done). Just realize that every fish in the sea isn't going to like you (just like you won't like all of them). But, you have to put your fruit on the table. If your mind is a banana, then put the banana on the table. If it's an orange, then put an orange on the table. Authenticity. But, if you're an orange, don't try to be a cantaloupe. It just doesn't work.

 

[King sns]

From being asked out???

We're weird. But we're not that weird.

You're pretty weird.
If an opposite sex close friend asked you out and you didn't expect it at all, (or even if you were hoping for it) my guess, is that you'd react pretty awkwardly.

 

[Salomé]

You're pretty weird.
If an opposite sex close friend asked you out and you didn't expect it at all, (or even if you were hoping for it) my guess, is that you'd react pretty awkwardly.

No I wouldn't!
I'd just move to Brazil.


ETA. Actually, this happened to me recently. I made a joke of it to lighten things up and spare his ego best I could.
I haven't heard from him since.
He was actually getting a bit weird himself beforehand so it's probably no bad thing.

 

[King sns]

No I wouldn't!
I'd just move to Brazil.

Oh, that's not too bad..

But, see, some people might think that it's a little strange...

 

[tcda]

IME INTPs in friendships [and relationships, for some] will reflect the disposition of the other person. If you fail miserably, she won't be weird if you're not weird. But if you are, then she will be, or just simply cut you off.

yep, we just tend to reciprocate.

An INTP is pretty much the easiest type to have an infatuation with. We won't mind you making hte move, will tell you openly so if the attraction is mutual if you ask us, and if it isn't we won't be "wierd" afterwards unless you are.

So just tell her goodgrief, if she is INTP she will prob give you a truthful answer and it prob won't be a problem unless you make it one.

 

[tcda]

Also Re the whole Robert Greene thing - my advice is ignore it. It's based on strategies for "power". But power-brokers rise to the top by crushing all around them, and then are eventually ruined when they exhaust the bases of their power. This is why 99% of political careers are characterized by betrayal and end in failure.

Most people don't aim for their life to take this course and therefore theories of "Power and Seduction" aren't really of much use to them.