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[INTP] INTPs and feeling uncomfortable

goodgrief

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Okay, a while ago I posted to ask how to tell if an INTP likes you because I have feelings for one. Unfortunately so far I've seen few signs. I still want to ask her out.

Basically here is the thing. She is my close friend, there is another guy she refers to as her best friend, but he doesn't seemto spend much time with her. Anyway, we get along really well and I just love being with her. I stayed behind after school today until her parents arrived to pick her up (which took about 45 minutes) and it was the happiest I've been in a while. I'm really thinking of telling her my feelings but I'm worried that if I am rejected, it may hinder the friendship and it may become awkward. I want to know whether INTPs handle this sort of thing well and if it's likely to cause a problem. On my side I would be embarrassed for a while but I would still want the friendship to stay strong and wouldn't let it get in the way. Would an INTP be able to continue on as if it never happened?
 

Salomé

meh
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I don't think this is really type-relevant. As long as you don't freak out about it she'll probably be nonchalant.

IME, guys handle rejection less well than girls handle unwelcome attention.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
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Yeah your bigger problem is that you are in the dreaded "friend zone"
 

goodgrief

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I can live with friend zone. I still hope she likes me back but in case she doesn't I just want to know if she's likely to keep me in the friend zone or steer clear of my presence.
 

Spamtar

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Thats a tricky question. If you make a bona fide "ladder hop" and fall short then she may feel awkward.

I suggest seeing if you can warm up her "buying temperature" before you make the hop.

Work on raising your value in her eyes and paying attention to what gets her rocks off. Get out of your head and into hers. What is her "victim type" and what is your "seducer type". Build up the congruency in your "seducer type" (seductive archetype) and poke holes into what revs her engine (pay attention to detail of what turns her on).

A good model for this type of long term seduction is "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene.

However, it sounds like you have "oneitis" and that is almost a death knell. Prolly the best is to first practice on other women and then when you acquire some skill and objectivity and inner game and then try it out on her.
 

Salomé

meh
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Whatever you decide to do, ignore spam.
 

goodgrief

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Thats a tricky question. If you make a bona fide "ladder hop" and fall short then she may feel awkward.

I suggest seeing if you can warm up her "buying temperature" before you make the hop.

Work on raising your value in her eyes and paying attention to what gets her rocks off. Get out of your head and into hers. What is her "victim type" and what is your "seducer type". Build up the congruency in your "seducer type" (seductive archetype) and poke holes into what revs her engine (pay attention to detail of what turns her on).

A good model for this type of long term seduction is "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene.

However, it sounds like you have "oneitis" and that is almost a death knell. Prolly the best is to first practice on other women and then when you acquire some skill and objectivity and inner game and then try it out on her.

Are you trying to tell me that an INTP can be seduced? And that an INTJ is capable of seduction?
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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Then you press x,z,x,y,down,right,right,up and bam! You're there ;).
 

Rebe

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"Are you trying to tell me that an INTP can be seduced? And that an INTJ is capable of seduction?"
^ :laugh::laugh:

Do you know where she is in her life? Will she able to reciprocate feelings if she does have them?
 

Spamtar

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Are you trying to tell me that an INTP can be seduced? And that an INTJ is capable of seduction?

Yes. I believe INTPs can be the most seduced and that INTJs can use their strengths to be great seducers. Robert Greene the author of the book The Art of Seduction is an INTJ himself so the format is perfect for INTJs. "Indirect game" (v.s. direct game) works best on INTPs.

P.S. Never admit you are seducing her. Women in general don't seem to like the idea their feelings/values are being manipulated.
 

goodgrief

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She's in a similar life situation to me, which is to say, pretty average and boring. But she's less shy than me, even though she is a little. She's never dated. She said a guy once said he loved her for how she thought (she has a pretty cool mind) and unnoficially married himself to her, so I hope that means he was incompatible rather than that she was just uninterested.

AH! Why do I overthink everything!?
 

Salomé

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Women in general don't seem to like the idea their feelings/values are being manipulated.
Yeah, weird that. I've always found men lap that stuff up.
 

Spamtar

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She's in a similar life situation to me, which is to say, pretty average and boring.

Hold off on the confessions of love for now. People who are bored make good targets. Try taking her to various venues that are fun/not boring and calibrate her response. Day trips/music venues and festivals are a good start and will make your practice of the various new strategies/tactics more tolerable for her.
 

goodgrief

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I don't like the idea that I'm manipulating someones feelings and values either. Unless they're absolutely stupid of course.

Frankly, the closest I'd ever get to seducing is being particularly nice but still being myself. And when I am with someone like this girl, I am naturally nice.
 

Rebe

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She's never dated. She said a guy once said he loved her for how she thought (she has a pretty cool mind) and unnoficially married himself to her, so I hope that means he was incompatible rather than that she was just uninterested.

Hold off on the confessions of love for now. People who are bored make good targets. Try taking her to various venues that are fun/not boring and calibrate her response. Day trips/music venues and festivals are a good start and will make your practice of the various new strategies/tactics more tolerable for her.

Whoa, wouldn't it to be honest to just come clean instead of viewing it as Operation INTP Female.
 

Spamtar

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I don't like the idea that I'm manipulating someones feelings and values either. Unless they're absolutely stupid of course.

Frankly, the closest I'd ever get to seducing is being particularly nice but still being myself. And when I am with someone like this girl, I am naturally nice.

Then you have already failed. How often do you here about the "Nice Guy" seducing someone. Usually its the "nice guys" who are bitching that once again they are being chumped.

I love you "nice guys". It makes the competition sooo easy.;)
 

Totenkindly

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IME, guys handle rejection less well than girls handle unwelcome attention.

Pretty much.

Hold off on the confessions of love for now...Try taking her to various venues that are fun/not boring and calibrate her response.

Yes, you don't need to leap in and try to do "Relationship in a Box" technique. Be normal. See what develops. Don't be afraid to engage when there are openings, or to initiate time together. I would just avoid trying to do the "0 -> 75mph in three seconds" thing, especially with someone who might need more autonomy / is wary of being entangled.

Goodgrief said:
Frankly, the closest I'd ever get to seducing is being particularly nice but still being myself. And when I am with someone like this girl, I am naturally nice.

Then it sounds good. Just be you and have fun.

Then you have already failed. How often do you here about the "Nice Guy" seducing someone. Usually its the "nice guys" who are bitching that once again they are being chumped.

I love you "nice guys". It makes the competition sooo easy.;)

Note that he can initiate things while still being a "nice guy."
"Nice" doesn't mean "passive" or "weak" necessarily; he just has to put himself out there and engage.

At least he's accessible on a personal level.
Playahs are not much more than crepe paper.
 

goodgrief

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Look, to hell with seduction okay? I don't like it and personally I doubr she'd like it either.

Seduction isn't the problem. The problem is I'm a wimp and I need to understand the possible outcomes so I'm prepared for them.
 

JocktheMotie

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IME INTPs in friendships [and relationships, for some] will reflect the disposition of the other person. If you fail miserably, she won't be weird if you're not weird. But if you are, then she will be, or just simply cut you off.
 

Totenkindly

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Define "wimp". (Seriously.)
i.e., what does this mean you will do / not do / etc.

Then I can contribute some probable outcomes.
 
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