[ENTJ] SOLVED: i have a problem!

[Drezoryx]

ok the issue is i keep reading about psychology or anything else say history or someones autobiography and experimenting on close friends. for example complimenting them outside of any need, or analyzing them/their friend loudly in front of them... anything at all. Why cant i stop this? i just want o get along have fun and stop experimenting analyzing which alienates people . is this common with ENTJs? If it is do we need to stay hidden till something beckons us out of our hiding..generally confused

 

[Asterion]

ok the issue is i keep reading about psychology or anything else say history or someones autobiography and experimenting on close friends. for example complimenting them outside of any need, or analyzing them/their friend loudly in front of them... anything at all. Why cant i stop this? i just want o get along have fun and stop experimenting analyzing which alienates people . is this common with ENTJs? If it is do we need to stay hidden till something beckons us out of our hiding..generally confused

It doesn't sound like an ENTJ thing to me. What a weird problem you have here though. Just guessing here, but I take it you're associating this with inferior Fi? You're probably building yourself into this image, ie. you've convinced yourself that experimenting all over people is who you are. I hate to say it, but the only real solution is to just stop doing it lol

 

[Virtual ghost]

Well most people dont like the idea but each individual is actually a system that can be taken apart and studied. (even literally speaking)

So as a NT is completly normal that you have a need to do this. Especially since are E as well.


As for your problem ...... you are ENTJ so you probably can control yourself if you try hard enough. (if you are ENTJ)
So I am afraid that it is simple as that.

 

[Drezoryx]

@King-of-despair oh i wish there was an injection of passion which would stop my endless analysis right there.. perhaps this analysis is also called being bitchy or maybe worse being pessimistic about life which i have been accussed of. It could be possible that im trying to develop Fi before time and landing in a mess.

@antisocialone so true and it is so interesting to do that, but come to think of that if a person was an expert in analysing people, then quite a few people out here would be high up in corporate world/politics perhaps!. i much prefer being busy with history/psychology/economics/computer programming/law/governance anything... but with that i get uncles to talk to! i want girls my age to talk to! for example i got deleted from a girl-friends list on FB- perhaps she was creeped out by the compliments i was trying to artificially manufacture because i figured girls need compliments but i hardly ever give any and i liked this girl soo unnatural compliments?stupid experimentation!!!?!
i also easily get influenced by what i read for example, reading about gender wars i took a fresh look at my friends, spotted a guy who was slightly girly and went ahead and screwed him over his gender on Fb staus messages, probably spoiling my image infront of a whole bunch of school friends. which i do regret now :O

besides Is it compulsory to talk about movies and sports all the time? i dont particularly find value in these. Perhaps i should try to like more of what society in general likes?!

 

[sculpting]

slumdog-

I think some of the other NT types do this all of the time. But either they do so in a slightly manipulative way (not bad, just a way to influence) thus dont let the other person know, or they are very introverted and do the analysis internally, make sure the plan is meticulous, than act upon it-thus dont let the other person know.

But if you really are an ENTJ-well maybe you are doing this same sort of analysis and studying of people as a system-kinda a TeNi sorta thing, but then feel a need to externalize the results due to the dom Te? You have to test the results, get immediate feedback, to confirm the rules of the system. I have only know two 40+ entjs so I dont know what a younger entj would look like.

Maybe rather than experiment on social aquaintences, you could just come here and ask? Antisocial does this all the time. We try and be helpful.

 

[Laurie]

I experiment on people all the time, I just try to keep it to stuff that won't be obviously offensive. For example your compliments would be fine, but talking about them loudly is not because that is not "ok" and alienates people.

People are perfect guinea pigs, enjoy your experiments, just don't ruin any further chance at experimenting on them.

 

[tcda]

it's their fault for keeping hanging around with you. I'd just walk away shaking my head after about 5 minutes.

Lot's of people are masochists, maybe you can find a niche.

 

[corey_vann]

i also easily get influenced by what i read for example, reading about gender wars i took a fresh look at my friends, spotted a guy who was slightly girly and went ahead and screwed him over his gender on Fb staus messages, probably spoiling my image infront of a whole bunch of school friends. which i do regret now :O

as a fellow ENTJ, i know that thinking before speaking is a difficulty for us. when i find something new that i'm really into, i have to pause and get a hold of it rationally so that i don't become consumed by it and say things that i'm going to regret or, even worse, have to take back later .

how old are you, by the way? it could just be that you haven't really learned or had time to hone this skill. i'm 23 and only recently i've learned to closely scrutinize everything i say or write to minimize the damage i can do to other people.

besides Is it compulsory to talk about movies and sports all the time? i dont particularly find value in these. Perhaps i should try to like more of what society in general likes?!

i've found that it's all in "how" you talk about these things. an INTP friend of mine loves football. personally, i've never seen the point. after going to his place for a few games i've learned to appreciate the players as athletes and have come to recognize the amount of planning it takes to make a good play (see the last quarter of the Patriots/Colts game this past season, as an example) and enjoy watching it now. also, it's a great social activity and more can be talked about that just sports.

as for movies, i'm a geek and love analyzing them. the simplest thing as the way a scene is shot can have so much meaning that it can hold the entire point of the movie.

in short, after at length, try having the conversations you want to have rather than the kind everyone else is trying to have. you might find that other people are thinking the same thing and just not speaking up (a major problems for XXNX in general, i would imagine), or you might challenge them to think differently. also, most of my friends are NT, or at least an N of some sort. trying scrounging up a few of them!

as for your experimenting, i went through a similar phase where i had a job that left me entirely too much time to think. i would have imaginary conversations with my friends and then move our real life conversations in that direction to see how close i was to my imagined opinion that they would have. what resulted were really boring conversations because i knew what they were going to say before they say it, and my relationships suffered because of it. my advice to you here is to just stop doing that. it is going to hurt you more than it will help you, at least with your friends, anyway (enemies are different story ). the point of friends is that they are people you can grow and share with . they are not variables in an experiment and shouldn't be treated that way, whether intentional or not.

 

[Drezoryx]

@orobas thanks so much for your feedback and invitation to come here and experiment rather than on acquanitances! i appreciate your mature effective and efficient take on things

@elaur/tcda "just don't ruin any further chance at experimenting on them" hahaha i like the way you put your point across. Certainly a tempting reason to think twice before i speak. Perhaps i wont lose friends like tcda if i apply your rule elaur!

@tcda masochist? no i would hate to inflict pain on myself but you have a good point, these experiments do lead to pain, they are done repetitively too . But remember in management they say conflict is a good way of resolving hidden issues? maybe the hidden motive here is to try and be friendly but because sharing feelings doesn't come naturally the energy goes into analysis and consequent negativity. but i would value your feedback on why you would shun such a friend in 5 minutes straight?

@corey vann ive been careful of what i speak 90% of the times but it's that 10% which makes us slip and is unfortunately part of our inherent nature!! i've been at it since 12 but it doesnt work in those 10% of cases, now im twice that age! haha You've given some Very good reasons to watch movies and sports! i was actually looking for reasons to get back at these but the way media gets you hooked onto spectator sports or fame-based programmes and the adverts with their hyper focus and addictive styles make me feel like TV guys take us for idiots! maybe i should just get over it and enjoy it! and i agree friends are for sharing and growing with so nice of you to write in your experience here thanks

 

[CzeCze]

@tcda masochist? no i would hate to inflict pain on myself but you have a good point, these experiments do lead to pain, they are done repetitively too

I think he meant the people who put up with you are masochists. Which would mean you are more of a sadist.

Can you give examples?

I was thinking that perhaps you are doing something that people commonly do, except you call it 'analyzing' and other people call it 'small talk'?

 

[tcda]

I think he meant the people who put up with you are masochists. Which would mean you are more of a sadist.

Indeed.

 

[tcda]

but i would value your feedback on why you would shun such a friend in 5 minutes straight?

You yourself acknowledged how your behaviour alienates most people.

As I read it your posts in the thread basically translate as "I consider myself superior to most people around me, and I decided to make a thread to boast about this under the thin veil of asking for advice".

 

[Drezoryx]

@czecze thanks for the correction. Sadism examples? hmm i dont think im a sadist the only example i can think of is while talking to a younger family friend who is doing his engineering from a low grade univ, i apprised him of the fairly poor prospects in the job market, we discussed alternatives, his alternatives were turned down by me which earned me the title of pessimist. I still disagree on that title given the current job market and the quality of his university. I suppose this would qualify as 'small talk' or maybe even inflicting pain on the guy. i was being rational here i suppose.

@tcda well caught with sadism, thats been there sporadically but would you like to elaborate on your idea more. it's interesting.

 

[Drezoryx]

You yourself acknowledged how your behaviour alienates most people.

As I read it your posts in the thread basically translate as "I consider myself superior to most people around me, and I decided to make a thread to boast about this under the thin veil of asking for advice".

very accurate, this is a superiority complex issue (and not sadism) hidden under the veil of modesty and this is doing me in. what indicates this, and what to do so that i can stop it and make some genuine friendships. i dont want to be like this at all.

 

[tcda]

very accurate, this is a superiority complex issue (and not sadism) hidden under the veil of modesty and this is doing me in. what indicates this, and what to do so that i can stop it and make some genuine friendships. i dont want to be like this at all.

You could start by making it less obvious I guess. That's all I got for now.

 

[JustHer]

I cannot relate.


That sounds more like ENTP and tertiary Fe

 

[Drezoryx]

You could start by making it less obvious I guess. That's all I got for now.

sweet! now only if that wasnt my blindspot, im not sure how its obvious at all. what of making it less obvious! speak openly you have a sharp mind.

I cannot relate.


That sounds more like ENTP and tertiary Fe

So this is normal for ENTPs? how P though?

 

[Arthur Schopenhauer]

The only real solution is to just stop doing it lol

Agreed.

 

[Drezoryx]

Agreed.

Gotcha

 

[goodgrief]

That is interesting. You don't get that many socially inept extraverts. But I think you probably just have a hyperdeveloped T function.