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  1. #1
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    Default How have you, as an INTP, dealt with a painful breakup?

    This is my have first thread. I hope you will help me. I have freshly been broken up with by my best friend/boyfriend and fellow iNtP. I am still in numb mode but I can feel the shards threatening to stab me. My instinct is to deny and encapsulate my sadness. I would like to handle this in a healthier way. How have you survived this? I know this is about to crush me bad. Sorry to be dramatic, I normally am a "robot" but this defeats me.

  2. #2
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    When that happened to me I simply cried to myself while musing over thoughts

    What I've discovered is I feel much much worse if I'm still logically obsessed with working everything out, unfortunately it doesn't seem to end until I actually do have some sort of apiffany, once you understand how and why things happened it may become easier

    Interestingly it doesn't actually have to be real either, playing alternate scenarios in my head seems to instantly calm me down

  3. #3
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    I deal with breakups by distracting myself basically, go do sports, hang out with friends, ask your boss if you can work longer. After a couple of weeks the heavy emotional burden wears off and I can stand being alone better. Watch out with alcohol, I tend to drink way too much when I'm down.
    (removed)

  4. #4
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Did you love the person? If so you’re fucked. Even if not and you think you were just fond of them take my advice and find another mate ASAP even for the limited purpose of the short term...better yet just date/fuck. Most likely you will chose not to follow this advice and go over it over and over in your mind like some kind of self made hell/purgatory (the fact that they are an INtP might give you some satisfaction as reciprocation/misery loves company...but really in the big picture it means little...simply vanity.

    So I avoid close attachments and have studied the arts of seduction and love and the meaning of life and essentially come to the determination that all is futile. Then I stop sweating the big stuff and soon stop sweating the little stuff too. (except the few idiosyncrasies such on how to make a proper cupa tea or mi tie.)

    Then you feel like the pain has built character and you are one with the universe and then suddenly...out of nowhere....blamo!...you’re in love again with someone new who makes your world/universe new...and all that thinking/feeling/suffering/learning/metamorphism is for not. So do yourself a favor and get a quick replacement.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"
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  5. #5
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    I have been there. It came out of "nowhere", I was totally in love with the guy, and it left me a complete sobbing, self-destructive wreck (180 degrees from my normal even keel... friends were shocked, to say the least). I cried a lot, I dwelt on the past (unhealthy Si) a lot, and worst of all, started being really unhealthy to myself (self-loathing became self-destructive). I stopped eating, smoked a pack of cigarettes a day, would get completely drunk at night, etc. Really bad stuff.

    It took about a month for all the extremely bad stuff to get over with, and move on to a more low-level depression which I slowly climbed out of. My situation was fucked up because we became friends with benefits for a year afterwards and it wasn't until I started liking someone new that I realized what an idiot I had been.

    It honestly just takes time to an extent. If at all possible, DO NOT SEE the guy. Do not let yourself believe that it can work out in the future, that he'll change his mind - this prolongs torment. My recommendation is do not try to be friends until you are each dating someone new.

    Don't be unhealthy to yourself, if that is a temptation (for you it may not be). Take care of yourself. Take a trip out of town if at all possible. Work out a lot (helps your confidence). Go do something you wouldn't have done if you were still in a relationship (dance classes, weird concerts, whatever) to remind yourself what a cool kid you are. Reconnect with friends you neglected (just don't talk about the breakup). Most of all- remember that you are an awesome person and take care of yourself first.

    Hope that helps.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  6. #6
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
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    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
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  7. #7
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    These are are very painful times especially for an INTP in apparent instances such as these when who allows someone to get under their armor. (most mates/dates do not)

    This is a key time to metamorphose, do something extreme (possibly purposely release your Shadow functions to accomplish a quest of enormity) In other words embarking on a quest to destroy the Ring of Power by tossing it into Mt. Doom not only displaces prior pain but also creates a power source to push yourself much further and which substantially greater motivation than you normally would otherwise be with the heartbreak.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I don't remember much except that acceptance of the breakup (rather than fighting it inside) and time for my interests to shift elsewhere helped me through.

    The one time I got dumped unexpectedly, it took another four years for me to get over it. We didn't see each other much, I'd feel like I was over it, but then if we ever got together for anything, I'd get conflicting signals and then my heart would leap at the thought of it working again.

    If you can "kill it dead" to yourself and not have unrealistic hopes / mixed vibes on it, that will speed the process. Eventually I became interested in other people and focused on other pursuits. The "hole" in your life until that time, where you keep wanting to be with or think about the missing person, is the worst.

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    In other words embarking on a quest to destroy the Ring of Power by tossing it into Mt. Doom not only displaces prior pain but also creates a power source to push yourself much further and which substantially greater motivation than you normally would otherwise be with the heartbreak.
    Nenya is mine regardless, I don't care what you do with the One Ring.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    A broken heart is one of the few instances in life where I've been truly shaken. Even the death of an elderly loved one could be dealt with fairly well because there was some time to prepare for it. My mind knew it would happen eventually. I had already come to terms with it in a way - in advance of it actually happening.

    But, a sudden loss of something or someone you truly love can really rattle your foundation a bit. Interestingly enough, for me it has been these times that have made me really evaluate my life and what I'm doing with it - what is important to me. The hurt has caused me to look at the truly important questions in life. "What am I here for?" "What do I want out of this life?" "What am I doing right now to make those things a reality?" After some mourning and some deep pain, these questions turn into, "Let's get the show back on the road!" The bruise remains (and it's a reference point of where you've been) but it also allows a little thing called humility to enter the room. And for me, the pain has eventually turned into motivation to be the best me that I can be. Truly, if it doesn't kill me, it only makes me stronger.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  10. #10
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    If at all possible, DO NOT SEE the guy. Do not let yourself believe that it can work out in the future, that he'll change his mind - this prolongs torment. My recommendation is do not try to be friends until you are each dating someone new.
    Yeah, I second this.

    There is another thing that really helps me deal with unresolved emotions. It equates to severely messing with your neurotransmitters for a short period of time. Taking magic mushrooms gives me a fresh perspective on things. Read about the risks and legal status before use.
    (removed)

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