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  1. #11
    Junior Member atticus's Avatar
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    Firstly, if it was a bad breakup, don't take it personally. A lot of people I talk to that decide to cut things off in an immediate fashion in their romantic lives is mostly due to their own personal shortcomings that they aren't comfortable with at the time.

    Secondly, express yourself. I know we're INTPs and at some points in our lives are terribly equipped to do so, but find a way. Try writing a letter to the other person describing how you feel and how you wanted things to work out, but never send it to them. Instead, stash it someplace private, and when you get to the point (Weeks, months, possibly years later) where you can rip it up/burn it/etc without thinking twice about it, then you can start the real healing process. A few glasses of wine will help this along.

    Third, don't push yourself to move on too quickly. We all have our own pace, so don't let your friends convince you that seeing someone else will help you get over the situation. It only helps in the same way as breaking your finger helps take away the pain from a gunshot wound in the leg. I lost the only woman I've loved to a drug addiction years ago, and have from then on filled that space with meaningless flings. It's a slippery slope, and it's not worth it.

    Lastly, get out of the house, and stay out. Burn the candle at both ends in your extracurricular life for a little while. Introverted thinking is the enemy in this situation, and the simplest way to battle it is to keep yourself busy.

    "Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, Start all over again..."

  2. #12
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    My most painful break up was me needing a few hours to think about it, felt some emotions, rationalized what was rationalizable and forgot the rest. And moved on. It's the getting seperated without breaking up that did me in once though.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #13
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    This is going to sound bad and unsympathetic, but I've tried to simulate a breakup in my mind before to see how I would deal with it, and the overarching feeling/thoughts I had were that of anger and "what a fucking waste of time." Almost like being angry at myself for not taking warning signs more seriously or that I was being duped.

    That, and a fear of never finding anyone again.



  4. #14
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    This is going to sound bad and unsympathetic, but I've tried to simulate a breakup in my mind before to see how I would deal with it, and the overarching feeling/thoughts I had were that of anger and "what a fucking waste of time." Almost like being angry at myself for not taking warning signs more seriously or that I was being duped.

    That, and a fear of never finding anyone again.
    Yeah, but that feeling of anger is very temporary. Before long you realize your losses as well as gains, and put everything in perspective.

    I once wrote a poem after something that I suppose could be seen similar in nature like a break up. Although in my case it was a friend that dissappointed me quite a bit. I experienced anger, wrote some stuff down, went for a drive. Within 2 hours it had all dissappated. :P

    As for not taking signs seriously, or blaming yourself for not noticing it before. That's something INTP's can prolly better stay away from, at least I know I wasn't very good at that. But that's a whole different story.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #15
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I suppose. Once the inferno of anger subsides I'm sure the nostalgia and sense of loss would be hard, and fill in the gaps the anger occupied.

    I feel like it'd be harder for me to break up than be broken up with. I'd second guess that decision for the rest of my life.



  6. #16
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I suppose. Once the inferno of anger subsides I'm sure the nostalgia and sense of loss would be hard, and fill in the gaps the anger occupied.

    I feel like it'd be harder for me to break up than be broken up with. I'd second guess that decision for the rest of my life.
    Really? :o

    I suppose it would depend what the break up is based on. I wouldn't break up with someone without a good reason, and with good reason I don't have to second guess.

    What really sucks is the "I love you, but for reasons I can't explain I'm breaking up with you." method. That would be hard for me to process.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I feel like it'd be harder for me to break up than be broken up with. I'd second guess that decision for the rest of my life.
    Oh, I totally get it.

    I'm much better at adjusting to change, even painful change, over which I had no control than to make the decision in the first place where it was up to me.

    I just made a decision like that a few days ago and I'm wondering if I'll live to regret it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Pft, what kind of INTP's are you two!? (Read as: What kind of INTP am I!?)

    I'm fine with adjusting to some changes, even painful ones if there was reason for it. I am incapable of adjusting or accepting change that I can't rationalize.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #19
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Really? :o

    I suppose it would depend what the break up is based on. I wouldn't break up with someone without a good reason, and with good reason I don't have to second guess.

    What really sucks is the "I love you, but for reasons I can't explain I'm breaking up with you." method. That would be hard for me to process.
    Actually that does make sense, if it were obvious. But to me, these things never are.

    Yeah that'd be hard too, for me. More confusing than anything else. I'm one of those "all you need is love" retards That statement is like that "it's not you it's me" thing. Just trying to not hurt the other person as much as possible, which is silly.



  10. #20
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Pft, what kind of INTP's are you two!? (Read as: What kind of INTP am I!?)

    I'm fine with adjusting to some changes, even painful ones if there was reason for it. I am incapable of adjusting or accepting change that I can't rationalize.
    I'm the INTP you want to go grocery shopping with, silly!

    ... there are different flavors of INTP. I'm far more P and seem to favor my Ne when I interact with the world rather than applying more rigid Ti-style approach on the world.

    What happens is that I see that something has to happen (such as splitting up with my SO), it's all very clear to me and makes the most sense, it's not even an issue in terms of what makes sense.... but I just feel very uncomfortable applying that decision because it reduces my options and commits me to a new path. I've always had issues making a decision to change things when it involves closing doors.

    I can flex to things I don't particularly agree with intellectually, at least on the surface, but I become unhappy underneath because I'm living a lie or doing something that makes no sense, and eventually, if the discordance becomes bigger than the options I'll lose by making noise, I'll make waves.

    But the basic thing here is that, as far as thinking goes, that's all rational: But in terms of how I behave externally, it's all about maximizing options. To tie it back into the thread theme, I hate shutting doors on relationships until it's finally become very obvious that it needs to end or very detrimental to continue. Every time I've made the decision, I've agonized over it... even if I knew it was for the best.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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