User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 24

Thread: Asking for help

  1. #11
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    4,601

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gen View Post
    I had a really hard time even asking my uncle to help me move a mattress. Which he couldn't do and I had to rent a truck to do it without him.

    Emotional? Ha. We don't talk about our feelings in our family. Ever.
    Yeah, actually my family are the last ones I ever ask for help, mainly cos experience shows they never give it!!

    I've a pretty large sorta surrogate family though in my close and even not so close friends, and they're much more ...helpful!

    I've learned to ask them for help more often because I've learned that they can often actually feel offended by my not doing so - they feel sorta insulted, as though I'm suggesting that I think of them as the sorts of people who are so selfish and stingey and self-absorbed that they'd refuse a friend some help when it isn't much trouble for them. And I've also learned that, with NICE people, they don't actually like watching their friends struggle along on their own, and actually want and appreciate being given the chance to help.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,350

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    ...And I've also learned that, with NICE people, they don't actually like watching their friends struggle along on their own, and actually want and appreciate being given the chance to help.
    Exactly.

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I really really hate to ask for help. I know I take this to an irrational level. Somebody help me!!! :sad:
    Oh hush.

    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Some of us who are not NTs also have issues requesting aid...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #15
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yeah, actually my family are the last ones I ever ask for help, mainly cos experience shows they never give it!!

    And I've also learned that, with NICE people, they don't actually like watching their friends struggle along on their own, and actually want and appreciate being given the chance to help.
    Oh, true with my family. I always brace myself when I need my parents or my brother to provide assistance for me, because it's *always* some sort of imposition on them. They're annoyed, they wonder why I can't find someone else to do it, they wonder why I need the help, and I end up feeling bad because I need help.....ug. So I only ask them when I've exhausted all other resources. And it's not even that often that I ask for help anyway!

    It took me a long time to realize that this in fact isn't 'normal' (well, nothing is normal, but anyway...) -- that in fact there was a whole world of other people who love to help out, who are NICE and accommodating, who actually aren't imposed upon and don't guilt you and make you feel bad for asking, but who instead take pleasure in helping others.....
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  6. #16
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    Oh, true with my family. I always brace myself when I need my parents or my brother to provide assistance for me, because it's *always* some sort of imposition on them. They're annoyed, they wonder why I can't find someone else to do it, they wonder why I need the help, and I end up feeling bad because I need help.....ug. So I only ask them when I've exhausted all other resources. And it's not even that often that I ask for help anyway!

    It took me a long time to realize that this in fact isn't 'normal' (well, nothing is normal, but anyway...) -- that in fact there was a whole world of other people who love to help out, who are NICE and accommodating, who actually aren't imposed upon and don't guilt you and make you feel bad for asking, but who instead take pleasure in helping others.....
    I had the opposite of your family and I still have trouble asking the nice people for help ^^;;
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #17
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    Hmmm..I wouldn't know your reason for being reluctant to ask for help. It's only relatively recently that I've 'discovered' it's ok to need help (and again, that friends LIKE helping), but I am still sometimes reluctant because I automatically think I'll be imposing on the person, or am a nuisance or bother, or am causing the other person issues with their schedule/life and I don't want to complicate things for them by asking for their time.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  8. #18
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    For me, it goes like this: I have no problem asking for help if I'm one on one with the person, or talking with him-her over some means of communication etc.

    However I don't like to contact a person purposefully in order just to ask for help. It also depends on the way help is given; for example if I'm trying to solve a problem "help" can many times be just brainstorming to get ideas out loud.

  9. #19
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    actually never mind, my mother was useless for help 50% of the time anyway just from how off in her own stuff she was. I found it easier to do things on my own than watch my mother make a mess of it when she got around to it and then me having to fix it anyway.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #20
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    4,601

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    Oh, true with my family. I always brace myself when I need my parents or my brother to provide assistance for me, because it's *always* some sort of imposition on them. ...
    Well with my family it's not that, they don't begrudge you asking. They just never, ever help. They always claim they can't do it, they haven't the time/resources/whatever. Like my mom one time, when I was about to be evicted onto the street with my kids, said we couldn't sleep at her house because she just didn't have the space. Even though she had two spare rooms. See, she wanted to redecorate them very soon, so it was a shame I couldn't be evicted at a more convenient time for her, but hey...

    It took me a long time to realize that this in fact isn't 'normal' (well, nothing is normal, but anyway...) -- that in fact there was a whole world of other people who love to help out, who are NICE and accommodating, who actually aren't imposed upon and don't guilt you and make you feel bad for asking, but who instead take pleasure in helping others.....
    Yes, exactly. IOW, I discovered that I wasn't actually a sucker or a stupidly naive idiot that held people up to ridiculously high standards and demanded too much of people, as my family maintain. I discovered it was actually they who are extremely mean and selfish and lazy, and that most people are not like that, and in the outside world, people like me are known as 'nice people'!!

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    actually never mind, my mother was useless for help 50% of the time anyway just from how off in her own stuff she was. I found it easier to do things on my own than watch my mother make a mess of it when she got around to it and then me having to fix it anyway.
    Amen to that... if my mother ever did help me, it was always "help" in inverted commas!! She's so damn unreliable that the only thing you can rely on her for is to break her word and let you down every single time!!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

Similar Threads

  1. Video: Dolphin Stuck With Fishing Line 'Asks' Diver For Help
    By Winds of Thor in forum Home, Garden and Nature
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-25-2013, 11:09 PM
  2. [MBTItm] I HATE asking for help....
    By sculpting in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 11-27-2012, 07:43 PM
  3. How to ask for help in school?
    By Maxcool131 in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 08-30-2012, 01:59 AM
  4. [NF] NF's - I sincerly ask you for help
    By themarlins in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 07-16-2010, 03:05 AM
  5. asking for reading advice
    By mippus in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-10-2008, 02:42 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO