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I think INTJs are definitely compassionate and from the people that I know, do indeed seem softer than the INTP.
Lenore said that tert Te looks for support from the "crowd" and begs people to look at the facts. It brings everything to the surface and says "look what happened here - who agrees with me?" It looks for support.
Tert Fe tries to guilt trip the person. There is an element of making the person look bad, but it's usually done in a quiet, underhanded way. There is usually an element of "friendly" behavior.