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  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default friends for INTP

    lately I been feeling bit depressed cause I have NO friends. I know couple acquaintances but that's about it. I'm very cautious who I let in my life. Most of time I don't put any effort to spend time with people. I tend to avoid them cause I'm awkward.

    Most times I just dont' see the vaule of friendship. I wouldn't benefit anything from them. From previous experience having friends was emotionally draining.

    I just feel like it would be nice to have one good friend. Was hoping if this is normal for INTP or if I need to change or work on something.

  2. #2
    Member Amphion's Avatar
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    I've been friends with several INTPs over the years, and most of them have been loners who suffer from occasional depression. On the other hand, they each had brilliant minds and wonderful talents. I always felt badly that they lacked confidence with women and preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.

    One was a great pianist (and keyboardist) who ended up joining a band that became very popular. Then suddenly he had "groupies" some of which were very attractive women. That really turned his life around from a social standpoint! I was happy for him.

    The others? I often wonder what happened to them.

    Anyway, the least I can say is that ENTPs would most likely be happy to be your friend.

  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Well everyone needs friends I think. Just some people, like yourself, can't tolerate a lot of people. A lot of the INTPs that I know (about 6) don't really have that many friends for the same reasons you listed. They liked me because I gave them space; and we had similar interests. So we had stuff to do and to talk about.

    I think that INTPs need people like anyone else; but that you like having a lot of space and people who aren't really that clingy. Someone that won't constantly bug you about annoying stuff.

    People are attracted to INTPs for their rock solid composure and rationality.

    The INTPs I knew were friends with pretty much any P besides ESFP. But mostly I__Ps and ENTPs were their friends.

    And if you're feeling like shit about not having anyone to talk to... well there are plenty of people here. A lot of people socialize on here for that reason. It's helped me through 3 months of not having any friends (moved temporarily).
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #4
    Junior Member Keith's Avatar
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    I know exactly what you mean. I've never had large numbers of friends at any given time, and I attribute it to basically just not making much of an effort. Like you, I often feel awkward in social settings.

    I think your problem is that you "don't see the value of friendship" yet you are "feeling a bit depressed cause [you] have no friends." There's a contradiction there. If not having friends makes you feel depressed, then you have to admit that there is value in friendship and that you would benefit from them. If nothing else, you would receive the benefit of being less depressed.

    I think for thoughtful, introverted people, having a few close friends is more rewarding than having lots of not-so-close friends. Finding close friends is not easy, but it will happen eventually, naturally, if you find some kind of social environment in which you can comfortably participate. Message boards won't cut it. Maybe there's an interest of yours that involves some kind of social events?

    Good luck and try not to feel bad about it. I'm guessing that there are plenty of INTPs that don't have many friends. When you find the right friends, it will be very fulfilling. First, though, you have to open yourself up to finding them.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    ya, if you ever want to talk, or something, i can be your friend. online isn't real life, but it's better than nothing, if you're lonely... and i'm not demanding. at least i don't think so, haha.

    but yeah, good luck.
    Enneagram 5w4.

  6. #6
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Hi! May I suggest you try locating some of your childhood friends and start from there? And through them you can meet other friends and branch out!
    Weathergirl: District 38 is sunny. Slight rock showers this morning. Chance of rock showers into the afternoon—20 percent. District 39 is cloudy. Chance of rock showers this afternoon—10 percent.
    Edward: Bebop here here! Alright woo hoo!
    Weathergirl: Chance of rock showers today upgraded to 90 percent.
    Edward: Really.

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amphion View Post
    I always felt badly that they.....preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.
    That's kind of the INTP dilemma in a nutshell.

    It's fun, relaxing, and enjoyable to or .

    But, when we go out with the masses and have to do things like , we usually go home feeling either
    ,
    ,
    or

    and then all we want to do is :zzz: to get our energy back.

    When we wake up and start again, we feel much better.

    Ideally, we can find a few good friends that will allow us to excel in the one-on-one or small group setting
    which usually makes for a lot of and

  8. #8
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amphion View Post
    I always felt badly that they lacked confidence with women and preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.
    never been to a bar but I can relate to them....

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Well everyone needs friends I think. Just some people, like yourself, can't tolerate a lot of people. A lot of the INTPs that I know (about 6) don't really have that many friends for the same reasons you listed. They liked me because I gave them space; and we had similar interests. So we had stuff to do and to talk about.

    I think that INTPs need people like anyone else; but that you like having a lot of space and people who aren't really that clingy. Someone that won't constantly bug you about annoying stuff.

    People are attracted to INTPs for their rock solid composure and rationality.

    The INTPs I knew were friends with pretty much any P besides ESFP. But mostly I__Ps and ENTPs were their friends.

    And if you're feeling like shit about not having anyone to talk to... well there are plenty of people here. A lot of people socialize on here for that reason. It's helped me through 3 months of not having any friends (moved temporarily).
    well I like to be alone pretty much all the time, but when I feel like socializing I wanna be able to do that. I can't stand A LOT of people. especially the annoying ones or someone who seeks attention all the time(mostly girls who does this).

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith View Post
    I think for thoughtful, introverted people, having a few close friends is more rewarding than having lots of not-so-close friends. Finding close friends is not easy, but it will happen eventually, naturally, if you find some kind of social environment in which you can comfortably participate. Message boards won't cut it. Maybe there's an interest of yours that involves some kind of social events?

    Good luck and try not to feel bad about it. I'm guessing that there are plenty of INTPs that don't have many friends. When you find the right friends, it will be very fulfilling. First, though, you have to open yourself up to finding them.
    I'm 100% sure I won't find close friends. It would be very nice to have close friend who I can trust but I know it's not possible...... I dont' attend "social events". It is waste of time (some can be fun) but I must have a reason to attend them.

    I feel uncomfortable in all "social enivronment" I like working alone and doing things alone.

    I only met 2 people in my life who I felt very comfortable with. one of em was a girl I liked and another was a guy acquaintance. They pretty much knew what kind of person I was so they gave me lots of space. I dislike talking to most ppl but I enjoy talking to them. I can never trust the guy acquaintance though(not really trust, but he's not someone who would have my back if I were in trouble or things like that), we were never friends just someone I would talk/hangout once in awhile.

    sorry for the rant, I tend to do that ALOT

  9. #9
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I enjoy not having many friends. I have a few friends, I only consider one actually a really good friend and the others just random people to occasionally spend time with.

    I like friendships without many or any commitments. The one good friend I have is the only person I openly talk to about whatever goes on in my mind. It's nice occasionally. Ever since I started working pretty much every day and just about all weekends, I've been spending less and less time with friends though.

    But I've not really missed it either. I suppose just knowing there's one person I can talk to if I want is enough for me.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #10
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    knowing there's one person I can talk to if I want is enough for me.
    this is what I want.

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