[INTP] friends for INTP

[think2much]

lately I been feeling bit depressed cause I have NO friends. I know couple acquaintances but that's about it. I'm very cautious who I let in my life. Most of time I don't put any effort to spend time with people. I tend to avoid them cause I'm awkward.

Most times I just dont' see the vaule of friendship. I wouldn't benefit anything from them. From previous experience having friends was emotionally draining.

I just feel like it would be nice to have one good friend. Was hoping if this is normal for INTP or if I need to change or work on something.

 

[Amphion]

I've been friends with several INTPs over the years, and most of them have been loners who suffer from occasional depression. On the other hand, they each had brilliant minds and wonderful talents. I always felt badly that they lacked confidence with women and preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.

One was a great pianist (and keyboardist) who ended up joining a band that became very popular. Then suddenly he had "groupies" some of which were very attractive women. That really turned his life around from a social standpoint! I was happy for him.

The others? I often wonder what happened to them.

Anyway, the least I can say is that ENTPs would most likely be happy to be your friend.

 

[BlackCat]

Well everyone needs friends I think. Just some people, like yourself, can't tolerate a lot of people. A lot of the INTPs that I know (about 6) don't really have that many friends for the same reasons you listed. They liked me because I gave them space; and we had similar interests. So we had stuff to do and to talk about.

I think that INTPs need people like anyone else; but that you like having a lot of space and people who aren't really that clingy. Someone that won't constantly bug you about annoying stuff.

People are attracted to INTPs for their rock solid composure and rationality.

The INTPs I knew were friends with pretty much any P besides ESFP. But mostly I__Ps and ENTPs were their friends.

And if you're feeling like shit about not having anyone to talk to... well there are plenty of people here. A lot of people socialize on here for that reason. It's helped me through 3 months of not having any friends (moved temporarily).

 

[Keith]

I know exactly what you mean. I've never had large numbers of friends at any given time, and I attribute it to basically just not making much of an effort. Like you, I often feel awkward in social settings.

I think your problem is that you "don't see the value of friendship" yet you are "feeling a bit depressed cause [you] have no friends." There's a contradiction there. If not having friends makes you feel depressed, then you have to admit that there is value in friendship and that you would benefit from them. If nothing else, you would receive the benefit of being less depressed.

I think for thoughtful, introverted people, having a few close friends is more rewarding than having lots of not-so-close friends. Finding close friends is not easy, but it will happen eventually, naturally, if you find some kind of social environment in which you can comfortably participate. Message boards won't cut it. Maybe there's an interest of yours that involves some kind of social events?

Good luck and try not to feel bad about it. I'm guessing that there are plenty of INTPs that don't have many friends. When you find the right friends, it will be very fulfilling. First, though, you have to open yourself up to finding them.

 

[yvonne]

ya, if you ever want to talk, or something, i can be your friend. online isn't real life, but it's better than nothing, if you're lonely... and i'm not demanding. at least i don't think so, haha.

but yeah, good luck.

 

[Rainne]

Hi! May I suggest you try locating some of your childhood friends and start from there? And through them you can meet other friends and branch out!

 

[INTPness]

I always felt badly that they.....preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.

That's kind of the INTP dilemma in a nutshell.

It's fun, relaxing, and enjoyable to or .

But, when we go out with the masses and have to do things like , we usually go home feeling either
,
,
or

and then all we want to do is :zzz: to get our energy back.

When we wake up and start again, we feel much better.

Ideally, we can find a few good friends that will allow us to excel in the one-on-one or small group setting
which usually makes for a lot of and

 

[think2much]

I always felt badly that they lacked confidence with women and preferred to go home to be alone than risk going out and feeling even more alone in a bar full of people they couldn't relate to.

never been to a bar but I can relate to them....

Well everyone needs friends I think. Just some people, like yourself, can't tolerate a lot of people. A lot of the INTPs that I know (about 6) don't really have that many friends for the same reasons you listed. They liked me because I gave them space; and we had similar interests. So we had stuff to do and to talk about.

I think that INTPs need people like anyone else; but that you like having a lot of space and people who aren't really that clingy. Someone that won't constantly bug you about annoying stuff.

People are attracted to INTPs for their rock solid composure and rationality.

The INTPs I knew were friends with pretty much any P besides ESFP. But mostly I__Ps and ENTPs were their friends.

And if you're feeling like shit about not having anyone to talk to... well there are plenty of people here. A lot of people socialize on here for that reason. It's helped me through 3 months of not having any friends (moved temporarily).

well I like to be alone pretty much all the time, but when I feel like socializing I wanna be able to do that. I can't stand A LOT of people. especially the annoying ones or someone who seeks attention all the time(mostly girls who does this).

I think for thoughtful, introverted people, having a few close friends is more rewarding than having lots of not-so-close friends. Finding close friends is not easy, but it will happen eventually, naturally, if you find some kind of social environment in which you can comfortably participate. Message boards won't cut it. Maybe there's an interest of yours that involves some kind of social events?

Good luck and try not to feel bad about it. I'm guessing that there are plenty of INTPs that don't have many friends. When you find the right friends, it will be very fulfilling. First, though, you have to open yourself up to finding them.

I'm 100% sure I won't find close friends. It would be very nice to have close friend who I can trust but I know it's not possible...... I dont' attend "social events". It is waste of time (some can be fun) but I must have a reason to attend them.

I feel uncomfortable in all "social enivronment" I like working alone and doing things alone.

I only met 2 people in my life who I felt very comfortable with. one of em was a girl I liked and another was a guy acquaintance. They pretty much knew what kind of person I was so they gave me lots of space. I dislike talking to most ppl but I enjoy talking to them. I can never trust the guy acquaintance though(not really trust, but he's not someone who would have my back if I were in trouble or things like that), we were never friends just someone I would talk/hangout once in awhile.

sorry for the rant, I tend to do that ALOT

 

[Fluffywolf]

I enjoy not having many friends. I have a few friends, I only consider one actually a really good friend and the others just random people to occasionally spend time with.

I like friendships without many or any commitments. The one good friend I have is the only person I openly talk to about whatever goes on in my mind. It's nice occasionally. Ever since I started working pretty much every day and just about all weekends, I've been spending less and less time with friends though.

But I've not really missed it either. I suppose just knowing there's one person I can talk to if I want is enough for me.

 

[think2much]

knowing there's one person I can talk to if I want is enough for me.

this is what I want.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Mine is a pretty smart INFJ that actually follows me pretty well.

Dunno if that matters to you. Just saying.

 

[Shimmy]

I know the dilemma, I used to identify myself as an INTP. Yet nowadays I wouldn't be able to go without some external stimuli, including other people.

never been to a bar but I can relate to them....


well I like to be alone pretty much all the time, but when I feel like socializing I wanna be able to do that. I can't stand A LOT of people. especially the annoying ones or someone who seeks attention all the time(mostly girls who does this).



I'm 100% sure I won't find close friends. It would be very nice to have close friend who I can trust but I know it's not possible...... I dont' attend "social events". It is waste of time (some can be fun) but I must have a reason to attend them.

I feel uncomfortable in all "social enivronment" I like working alone and doing things alone.

I only met 2 people in my life who I felt very comfortable with. one of em was a girl I liked and another was a guy acquaintance. They pretty much knew what kind of person I was so they gave me lots of space. I dislike talking to most ppl but I enjoy talking to them. I can never trust the guy acquaintance though(not really trust, but he's not someone who would have my back if I were in trouble or things like that), we were never friends just someone I would talk/hangout once in awhile.

sorry for the rant, I tend to do that ALOT

I recognize the feeling. I used to be like this. Yet I came to the realisation that for me it was just a mild form of self defeating personality disorder. I realized I wanted my life to be more social, so I learned how to do this. I now know about a billion people, have plenty of friends and am very open about my thoughts and feelings. I even started to identify myself as an Extrovert rather than an Introvert.

However, this change most certainly has brought it's benefits, it didn't overall make me a happier person. While it did bring a lot of good things I missed earlier in my life, it also made me more dependent of those things, which hasn't always been good for me.

 

[groovejet02]

As someone who suffers from the occasional social anxiety and distaste for crowds, I feel your pain. But I have been able to cultivate a few solid friendships and my interest in activism forces me to network, something that I find increasingly good at and quite enjoy.

Several things I have learned when it comes to friendship is the need for patience and appreciation of diversity. Most people will never satisfy your intellectual thirst. You will find that most people don't value learning as much as you do, so don't judge them for that. Instead, value people for other things they can bring to the table, such as a sense of fun, the ability to talk your problems to and simply the general enjoyment of being around them. It may sound cliched, but it's true that different people have different strengths. My friends are a diverse group because of this. And also, I have learned to not expect too much of people and just have fun. Different people satisfy different needs. Some of my friends are fun to be with but they're not god in giving advice for my problems, some friends are very nice and warm-hearted but I have to tone down my political views around them. At the end of the day, find people that love you for who you are, and stay away from those who put you down or take a lot but hardly give.

 

[INTPness]

However, this change most certainly has brought it's benefits, it didn't overall make me a happier person. While it did bring a lot of good things I missed earlier in my life, it also made me more dependent of those things, which hasn't always been good for me.

What is an example (or examples) of how being dependent on these things hasn't been good for you?

I ask because I find that I avoid depending on people/things simply because I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy my independence. It never occurred to me that it might not be good for me.

 

[Laurie]

I like the online thing, it's easier to screen friends for similarities in thinking. It's also easier to turn friends off when you don't want them around. If you don't want to talk to someone you just don't. Usually online friends are skittish in the same way (wanting to turn off their friends sometimes) so they aren't usually as offended as rl friends if you shut them out for a bit.

I know I'm an E and shouldn't have "friend" issues, but I've been burned by "close friends" enough to get it somewhat.

 

[Cypocalypse]

Basic fundamentals an INTP should learn:

1. Clubbing isn't the sole option in socializing.

2. Grade school and college are better, fundamentally, as a 'friend pool'. At least you established acquaintance with the person, even if you may not really like her.

3. Work with basic social protocols: eye contact, starting with light topics, etc.

4. Work with your eccentricity to your advantage (something that ENxPs are good at), e.g., you're probably more recognizable, comparatively. You can use it to....uhmmm.....initiate a class reunion of some sort. Being recognizeable means you don't have to invest that much time for people to get to know you.

I'll add up more later.

 

[marquix]

I think you'll have more luck when you are out there alone in the world going up against it all. We seem to develop a hero syndrome that women find attractive. I have few friends, 99% women and the relationships are mainly long term intimate. These relationships last years and serve really well to develop self esteem in many ways. I currently have a relationship with an INFP and an ESFJ.

The same gender type friends will more than likely come from deep bonding moments with guys from school or younger kids that can grow to admire you for achievements you've made in social circles. You should probably receive many invitations from people that you find awkward following up on. If you can figure out how to do it safely, drinking some Cognac does wonders. Stay away from Beer.

 

[cafe]

This is one reason my INTP wanted to find a wife.

 

[Unique]

I've had and lost many many friends and mostly have acquaintances

People come and go from my life, consistent irrational/disgusting behavior will drive me away quickly and people seem real good at that

Fuck people, bunch of pricks

Except my ENTP mate, he rocks

 

[Shimmy]

What is an example (or examples) of how being dependent on these things hasn't been good for you?

I ask because I find that I avoid depending on people/things simply because I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy my independence. It never occurred to me that it might not be good for me.

Examples would be that I am much more impatient in general then I used to be. I rush into things which has brought me in difficulties sometimes.
My mood is also more dependent on whether there are other people around nowadays. I get no pleasure out of playing video games any more. Whenever I don't find the chance to do something with other people, I go to this forum because it is at least some form of interaction. I have always been bored a lot, but nowadays it seems more unbearable.

On the plus side, I become very self-confident, I do more, and I get a bigger thrill out of the good things in life as well.