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  1. #11
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Mine is a pretty smart INFJ that actually follows me pretty well.

    Dunno if that matters to you. Just saying.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  2. #12
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    I know the dilemma, I used to identify myself as an INTP. Yet nowadays I wouldn't be able to go without some external stimuli, including other people.



    Quote Originally Posted by refreshe123d View Post
    never been to a bar but I can relate to them....


    well I like to be alone pretty much all the time, but when I feel like socializing I wanna be able to do that. I can't stand A LOT of people. especially the annoying ones or someone who seeks attention all the time(mostly girls who does this).



    I'm 100% sure I won't find close friends. It would be very nice to have close friend who I can trust but I know it's not possible...... I dont' attend "social events". It is waste of time (some can be fun) but I must have a reason to attend them.

    I feel uncomfortable in all "social enivronment" I like working alone and doing things alone.

    I only met 2 people in my life who I felt very comfortable with. one of em was a girl I liked and another was a guy acquaintance. They pretty much knew what kind of person I was so they gave me lots of space. I dislike talking to most ppl but I enjoy talking to them. I can never trust the guy acquaintance though(not really trust, but he's not someone who would have my back if I were in trouble or things like that), we were never friends just someone I would talk/hangout once in awhile.

    sorry for the rant, I tend to do that ALOT
    I recognize the feeling. I used to be like this. Yet I came to the realisation that for me it was just a mild form of self defeating personality disorder. I realized I wanted my life to be more social, so I learned how to do this. I now know about a billion people, have plenty of friends and am very open about my thoughts and feelings. I even started to identify myself as an Extrovert rather than an Introvert.

    However, this change most certainly has brought it's benefits, it didn't overall make me a happier person. While it did bring a lot of good things I missed earlier in my life, it also made me more dependent of those things, which hasn't always been good for me.
    (removed)

  3. #13
    Senior Member groovejet02's Avatar
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    As someone who suffers from the occasional social anxiety and distaste for crowds, I feel your pain. But I have been able to cultivate a few solid friendships and my interest in activism forces me to network, something that I find increasingly good at and quite enjoy.

    Several things I have learned when it comes to friendship is the need for patience and appreciation of diversity. Most people will never satisfy your intellectual thirst. You will find that most people don't value learning as much as you do, so don't judge them for that. Instead, value people for other things they can bring to the table, such as a sense of fun, the ability to talk your problems to and simply the general enjoyment of being around them. It may sound cliched, but it's true that different people have different strengths. My friends are a diverse group because of this. And also, I have learned to not expect too much of people and just have fun. Different people satisfy different needs. Some of my friends are fun to be with but they're not god in giving advice for my problems, some friends are very nice and warm-hearted but I have to tone down my political views around them. At the end of the day, find people that love you for who you are, and stay away from those who put you down or take a lot but hardly give.

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    However, this change most certainly has brought it's benefits, it didn't overall make me a happier person. While it did bring a lot of good things I missed earlier in my life, it also made me more dependent of those things, which hasn't always been good for me.
    What is an example (or examples) of how being dependent on these things hasn't been good for you?

    I ask because I find that I avoid depending on people/things simply because I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy my independence. It never occurred to me that it might not be good for me.

  5. #15
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I like the online thing, it's easier to screen friends for similarities in thinking. It's also easier to turn friends off when you don't want them around. If you don't want to talk to someone you just don't. Usually online friends are skittish in the same way (wanting to turn off their friends sometimes) so they aren't usually as offended as rl friends if you shut them out for a bit.

    I know I'm an E and shouldn't have "friend" issues, but I've been burned by "close friends" enough to get it somewhat.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    Basic fundamentals an INTP should learn:

    1. Clubbing isn't the sole option in socializing.

    2. Grade school and college are better, fundamentally, as a 'friend pool'. At least you established acquaintance with the person, even if you may not really like her.

    3. Work with basic social protocols: eye contact, starting with light topics, etc.

    4. Work with your eccentricity to your advantage (something that ENxPs are good at), e.g., you're probably more recognizable, comparatively. You can use it to....uhmmm.....initiate a class reunion of some sort. Being recognizeable means you don't have to invest that much time for people to get to know you.

    I'll add up more later.

  7. #17
    Member marquix's Avatar
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    I think you'll have more luck when you are out there alone in the world going up against it all. We seem to develop a hero syndrome that women find attractive. I have few friends, 99% women and the relationships are mainly long term intimate. These relationships last years and serve really well to develop self esteem in many ways. I currently have a relationship with an INFP and an ESFJ.

    The same gender type friends will more than likely come from deep bonding moments with guys from school or younger kids that can grow to admire you for achievements you've made in social circles. You should probably receive many invitations from people that you find awkward following up on. If you can figure out how to do it safely, drinking some Cognac does wonders. Stay away from Beer.

  8. #18
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    This is one reason my INTP wanted to find a wife.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #19
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    I've had and lost many many friends and mostly have acquaintances

    People come and go from my life, consistent irrational/disgusting behavior will drive me away quickly and people seem real good at that

    Fuck people, bunch of pricks

    Except my ENTP mate, he rocks

  10. #20
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    What is an example (or examples) of how being dependent on these things hasn't been good for you?

    I ask because I find that I avoid depending on people/things simply because I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy my independence. It never occurred to me that it might not be good for me.
    Examples would be that I am much more impatient in general then I used to be. I rush into things which has brought me in difficulties sometimes.
    My mood is also more dependent on whether there are other people around nowadays. I get no pleasure out of playing video games any more. Whenever I don't find the chance to do something with other people, I go to this forum because it is at least some form of interaction. I have always been bored a lot, but nowadays it seems more unbearable.

    On the plus side, I become very self-confident, I do more, and I get a bigger thrill out of the good things in life as well.
    (removed)

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