I have an INTP boyfriend. I think, if I had not met him when he was drunk, and if my interest in him had not been piqued by a mutual friend (who just thought we would get along well), we would not have had a chance to intrigue each other enough to get to an actual date.
That's exactly it. Great pairing, but in most cases they never allow each other close enough to start a friendship/relationship.
Where we have disconnects are things like planning/organizing. I am an extremely organized list maker. I'm not sure we could take a long vacation together without his laid back, whatever attitude giving me an anxiety attack. Or I might have 4-5 things to do this weekend, and am accused of "loading up his day with tasks."
I can relate to this a lot. I've had this "issue" with many different J's. To this day, I still do not get the concept of someone else deciding my agenda. "Guess what? We're doing these 5 things this weekend!"
INTP: "Really? Says who? How about we drop those 5 arbitrary things from our "list" and you let me come up with 5 things that we will be doing this weekend."
The INTP's I've known have almost ZERO desire to dictate another person's agenda and/or to have our agenda dictated. Love INTJ's, but that's where the INTP's might get prickly and start resembling a hedgehog.
Also, I like to logically talk through and resolve a disagreement, with tasked actionable items as appropriate. He get frustrated and needs to get away from the discussion and hibernate for a period of time, with no need to resolve things right away.
I'm all about talking through a disagreement and coming to a resolution, so long as it's done in an efficient manner. I don't have time to sit down for hours hashing through the same ol' thing. And then again next week. Let's come to an agreement and move on with our day (enjoy life a little bit). And I would think INTJ's would be great at doing that - hashing it out quickly and efficiently (getting to the point), rather than dragging it out all day. Is your INTP conflict avoidant?
That course of action would result in doing nothing this weekend.
Now that's the best suggestion I've heard so far!
But yeah, you're pretty much right. And that's one of the big problems with the pairing.
From the INTP's perspective though, we are never doing "nothing". It's so key for our partners to understand this. We are constantly engaged in something mental. Even if I'm doing something lame like watching TV, the wheels are spinning. Whatever we are doing, we are engaged - to us, we are absolutely doing something. And other people's plans (when imposed on us) sometimes feel like a distraction to that. It makes us difficult, I know. I don't mind disengaging to go spend time with someone, but it won't be simply because someone decided that's what I should do today. I like to decide those things for myself.
When my ESFJ ex used to bug me to "do this" or "do that" with her when I was "busy doing nothing" (as she called it), I would say, "How about for the rest of the day, you do you and I'll do me. Then, at the end of the day, we'll get together and discuss what we did. It'll be real fun because, by that time, we'll miss each other a little bit." Sounds horrible in hindsight.
The only INTJ I know very well has been my friend since we were kids. We get along well generally. I do most of the planning, yet somehow he seems to make the decisions most of the time. If that makes any sense. It annoys me sometimes how rash his decision making can be, and how set he can be in those decisions. Usually I just go along with whatever he comes up with regardless of how I feel about it until we reach a point where I feel like I need to reorient him before his decisions lead him to do something really stupid. In fact he has commended me for this ability(to set him straight) in the past.
"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."