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  1. #1
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    Default wishy-washy entj?

    Hi all, hope you can help me figure out what this entj wants, since i'm afraid of asking him (afraid, that is, for now...but maybe i'll get some courage after getting some advice from you guys)...

    Last year there was this entj guy who pursued me -- and won. He gave me a lot of his time and attention for about 5 weeks, then literally disappeared. I wasn't naggy or anything and stopped contacting him when I saw that he didn't bother returning an email and a phone call. Like virtually all other entjs, he is a big-time workaholic and he basically spent his vacation chasing me down.

    After being painfully hurt when he disappeared, I decided to write him off. Now he has reappeared all of a sudden, 10x more uncharacteristically gushy than the pursuing stage...about how he misses my "friendship" and affection. He didn't hesitate at all moving in on questions about when we should see each other (date) again as if we never stopped talking.

    I'm completely taken aback. And I'm very suspicious. Is he using me just for physical/emotional affection because something went wrong at work? Will I come off as needy and naggy if I ask him why he disappeared and tell him how upset I was? Actually, I already told him that I was upset that he wasn't being responsive in an email, but he never responded to that which pissed me off.

    Am I missing something here? Please help. You can ask me anything you want.

  2. #2
    ThatGirl
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    If it pissed you off, why NOT tell him?

    I tend to give spurts of attention too. I liken it to the theory about children and their eating habits. It says that when kids are growing you shouldn't get too concerned if they do not get all their nutrients every day. Children will eat when they are hungry and wont if unnecessary. Instead you need to expand your perspective, and look at their eating habits over the course of a month in order to accurately assess the balance.

    So how does this pertain? One thing about me is that I may not shower constant attention on someone. SPECIALLY if I feel comfortable with them. I can go long periods of time off doing my own thing, not even realizing I may have upset someone or made them feel used. However, in the long run, I DO generally find my way back. The things I care about in life generally remain constant checkpoints.

    That said if that is not something you are happy with, just be honest about it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Why would you consider a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you?

    Tell him he pissed you off and why.
    Tell him he doesn't miss your "friendship" and you have a pretty good idea of what he wants.
    Tell him he is spineless and manipulative
    Then go buh-bye.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  4. #4
    Senior Member JHBowden's Avatar
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    Am I missing something here? Please help.
    Trust your feelings.

  5. #5
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Why would you consider a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you?

    Tell him he pissed you off and why.
    Tell him he doesn't miss your "friendship" and you have a pretty good idea of what he wants.
    Tell him he is spineless and manipulative
    Then go buh-bye.
    Why would you assume that would be the case?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Maybe he felt there wasn't enough, or maybe too much, progress in your relationship and he started doubting about things so he walked away. And now he's realising how great you were and wants you back for real.

    Don't know, just saying that you can make assumptions and act on them. But you'll never KNOW his side of the story unless you ask him.
    (removed)

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    If it pissed you off, why NOT tell him?

    I tend to give spurts of attention too. I liken it to the theory about children and their eating habits. It says that when kids are growing you shouldn't get too concerned if they do not get all their nutrients every day. Children will eat when they are hungry and wont if unnecessary. Instead you need to expand your perspective, and look at their eating habits over the course of a month in order to accurately assess the balance.

    So how does this pertain? One thing about me is that I may not shower constant attention on someone. SPECIALLY if I feel comfortable with them. I can go long periods of time off doing my own thing, not even realizing I may have upset someone or made them feel used. However, in the long run, I DO generally find my way back. The things I care about in life generally remain constant checkpoints.

    That said if that is not something you are happy with, just be honest about it.
    I second this advice

  8. #8
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    I think you ought to just tell him you weren't happy with him disappearing without warning. And ultimately, it's up to you whether or not you want the relationship to continue. If you think he crossed some sort of line in his actions, you can let him know and not associate yourself with him. You don't have to make accusations of him being manipulative, just leave if you're really unhappy with him.

  9. #9
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Why would you consider a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you?

    Tell him he pissed you off and why.
    Tell him he doesn't miss your "friendship" and you have a pretty good idea of what he wants.
    Tell him he is spineless and manipulative
    Then go buh-bye.
    +1

  10. #10
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    Several you have mentioned "why not tell him that you're pissed off?"

    The thing is, I have told him. Twice.

    Neither of us are fans of repetition, so I didn't say anything a third time. Like I said, I don't nag.

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