[ENTJ] wishy-washy entj?

[letmehugyou]

Well if I hadn't flat out made any sort of commitment to a person then I would feel that it was unnecessary to explain anything. It would be sort of like coming up to a professor who doesnt know you from a large class you have and saying "I won't be in class tomorrow".... they would just look at you and think "So..?".

What makes this situation a bit complicated is that we were friends to begin with. My friends and I don't even do this sort of thing to each other.

I'll add another detail. He has made promises to respond immediately after my complaints, but didn't follow through. That is huge for me. I would rather he not make any promises at all, than to make them and not do what he said he would.

 

[ThatGirl]

I am actually with FDG on this one. Three months is a long time to go off the record. In this time, was there still correspondence? If he just disappeared for months, you should stand up for yourself. And no, that is not nagging, that is integrity.

Also if he dodged your questions when you confronted him, that isn't a great sign. Sounds like the boy has a guilty conscious.

 

[murkrow]

Tell him how you feel, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to make an educated decision.

But before telling him you'll need to figure out just what you feel. Are you willing to try seeing him seriously? What kind of commitment do you demand from him?

Expecting him to follow convention is just not a good move. There's a pretty good chance he's not even aware of the conventions and an even better chance that he doesn't care about the ones he's aware of.

 

[capricorn009]

Hi all, hope you can help me figure out what this entj wants, since i'm afraid of asking him (afraid, that is, for now...but maybe i'll get some courage after getting some advice from you guys)...

Last year there was this entj guy who pursued me -- and won. He gave me a lot of his time and attention for about 5 weeks, then literally disappeared. I wasn't naggy or anything and stopped contacting him when I saw that he didn't bother returning an email and a phone call. Like virtually all other entjs, he is a big-time workaholic and he basically spent his vacation chasing me down.

After being painfully hurt when he disappeared, I decided to write him off. Now he has reappeared all of a sudden, 10x more uncharacteristically gushy than the pursuing stage...about how he misses my "friendship" and affection. He didn't hesitate at all moving in on questions about when we should see each other (date) again as if we never stopped talking.

I'm completely taken aback. And I'm very suspicious. Is he using me just for physical/emotional affection because something went wrong at work? Will I come off as needy and naggy if I ask him why he disappeared and tell him how upset I was? Actually, I already told him that I was upset that he wasn't being responsive in an email, but he never responded to that which pissed me off.

Am I missing something here? Please help. You can ask me anything you want.

maybe he possibly realized that he came on a little strong

 

[letmehugyou]

I am actually with FDG on this one. Three months is a long time to go off the record. In this time, was there still correspondence? If he just disappeared for months, you should stand up for yourself. And no, that is not nagging, that is integrity.

Also if he dodged your questions when you confronted him, that isn't a great sign. Sounds like the boy has a guilty conscious.

Yes, there was still some correspondance, but about very specific and impersonal things.

He didn't exactly dodge my confrontation. In fact, he responded to it immediately and said he was very sorry and that he'd reply soon...but never did.

Tell him how you feel, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to make an educated decision.

But before telling him you'll need to figure out just what you feel. Are you willing to try seeing him seriously? What kind of commitment do you demand from him?

Expecting him to follow convention is just not a good move. There's a pretty good chance he's not even aware of the conventions and an even better chance that he doesn't care about the ones he's aware of.

Sometimes, I forget that he may not be aware of convention. Thanks.