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  1. #1
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    Default Spiritually hollow

    For over a year now I have walked through life devoid of any sense of spirituality or religious faith. What was once deep within me for my entire life I expunged from my being. I valued truth above all things and autonomy in the path I pave through life, but spirituality threatened both. The illusion of a spiritual world, of lofty and ethereal explanations for the workings of the universe we live in, which have no basis in reality. The belief in a divine consciousness and beings which have control over lowly humans, whose fates are predetermined. My values, truth, strength, power, integrity, free will, so aggressively accosted by the very concept of a spiritual world. And so I left it behind.

    But I am no fool. I know very well the purpose such strong beliefs hold in the human psyche, in the collective society. I know it is a cornerstone of stability and direction, of strength and integrity. However, given my nature, the forces of evolution/devolution were pushing me there ever so steadily. I grew up with a deep desire for power and control. The power to crush the people who stand in my way, my enemies in life. The power to exercise my own will, to be above the manipulative hand of my creator(s).

    My dissension was symbolic of my desire to free myself from the creator. I will no longer be a puppet of an omniscient and faceless being, nor will I obey the strings embedded within me and pulled by the one who gave birth to me. All my life I have fought against these forces, desiring nothing more than to be above them all. What foolishness. It saddens me that it took me this long to see it for what it really is. All the years I have spent developing myself, my mind, my own psychology. All for the purpose of being a human of my own creation, not bound to the rules set by powers above me, nor in any way reminiscent of their original creation.

    I believed I would rise above. But like the great Satan, I have succeeded only in falling deeper into the dark void of my hollowed self, towards the event horizon of a singularity that has always been there at the center. Those things I have attempted to build beyond it and around it are but mere attempts at creating my own shell, my own ego. And somehow severing myself from both creators has left me without an anything to hold the pieces together. The shell weakens and crumbles. Steadily they fall inward towards destruction.

    It's too late. They win. The indomitable will have their way. Everything I am will fade, everything I claim to be mine will fall through my fingers, and all that will be left to me is my original form. The long forgotten. The faceless man. That accursed hollow.

  2. #2
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Smoke this shit, bro.

    You're a young man. It's your job right now to be angry and want to destroy/create. This is a good thing. I like hearing your struggles. It's good for you.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #3
    Ginkgo
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    ^HAHA.

    I understand you Risen, at least in some existential sense.

    Notice how both you and God are faceless. Coincidence?

  4. #4
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    Searching for truth with conviction is probably the most spiritual thing there is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tater Typhoon View Post
    ^

    Notice how both you and God are faceless. Coincidence?
    Hehe, I didn't realize that.


    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Searching for truth with conviction is probably the most spiritual thing there is.
    The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

    I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.

  6. #6
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    Hehe, I didn't realize that.




    The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

    I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.
    You need to do something to take your mind off of these issues. Searching for the truth is a noble pursuit; but in this modern age, the flux of information we receive is largely incongruous. The more we digest, the more we expel - increasing our metabolism for processing data. Unfortunately, it lacks logical consistency.

    Tell me, is there some ulterior motive that is compelling you to discern your world-view?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    The truth is that the spiritual is nothing but lies born of ignorance. The truth is that these lies are very much needed by human beings to give solidarity to their own subjective reality, to give them strength, purpose, fulfillment, belonging, joy, etc.. The truth is that I do not have the strength to stand with the truth, apparently.

    I don't know how to reconcile all the crap that is fueling my implosion.
    I very much get what you are saying. I am in some ways there myself. The quest for truth leads inevitably to the void. But, it takes a conviction to get there as you are not ready to settle for less than the truth. That is why I call it spiritual, though it can seem quite opposite.

    I don't have any solution for the anxiety, unfortunately. Buddhist have a lot to say about this, though. The point seems to be to accept the void and the anxiety. I've been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. He has a nice way of explaining zen...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post

    I don't have any solution for the anxiety, unfortunately. Buddhist have a lot to say about this, though. The point seems to be to accept the void and the anxiety. I've been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. He has a nice way of explaining zen...
    Have any links?

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Right now I just have one basic question to ask:
    Why did you pick Risen as a username?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Right now I just have one basic question to ask:
    Why did you pick Risen as a username?
    Perhaps a subconscious statement of the antithesis to my current state of being. That and/or its a cool name I got from an anime series :P .

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