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  1. #11
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
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    My mind won't stop going in circles

  2. #12
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    My initial thought process was pretty much exactly what Zarathustra posted.

    What's your motive for talking to him again if you haven't been for months?

    With the super limited information you provided, it seems like you're dissatisfied with your current relationship and want to go back and test out your old INTJ without leading him on so much that you can't break it off again if it's not what you want it to be.

    You're 2 options are:

    1. Re-initiate contact and tell him that you are interested in being friends only and make that fact perfectly clear.

    2. Dump your boyfriend before you talk to him again.

    There are other options, but these are the two that would make you not be an asshole. I could be completely off base but I can't imagine that your mind would be going in circles if there was no kind of romantic problem going on. Maybe you're trying to retreat back to your safety net? Or needy for some positive attention? Provide more information.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  3. #13
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    My initial thought process was pretty much exactly what Zarathustra posted.

    What's your motive for talking to him again if you haven't been for months?

    With the super limited information you provided, it seems like you're dissatisfied with your current relationship and want to go back and test out your old INTJ without leading him on so much that you can't break it off again if it's not what you want it to be.

    You're 2 options are:

    1. Re-initiate contact and tell him that you are interested in being friends only and make that fact perfectly clear.

    2. Dump your boyfriend before you talk to him again.

    There are other options, but these are the two that would make you not be an asshole. I could be completely off base but I can't imagine that your mind would be going in circles if there was no kind of romantic problem going on. Maybe you're trying to retreat back to your safety net? Or needy for some positive attention? Provide more information.
    I've wanted to talk to him for months but I've ignored it. The reason I can't talk to him or be friends is because of my current boyfriend, they hate each other. I would want to just be friends but I also think I might have made a mistake in choosing this other guy. Because they pretty much forced me to choose one. And yes he gave me lots of compliments and positive attention and my bf now is more... not romantic and/or complimenty so I wonder if this could be part of it.

    Maybe it's a mistake to bring this up and I should just keep going along with convincing myself I'm happy with this guy and always wondering if I made a mistake. Because if I did anything.... this would still happen, just switched around.

    GOD I HATE MYSELF SOMETIMES

  4. #14
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkyway2 View Post
    Maybe it's a mistake to bring this up and I should just keep going along with convincing myself I'm happy with this guy and always wondering if I made a mistake. Because if I did anything.... this would still happen, just switched around.
    So don't be with either one of them. If you aren't happy, you aren't happy. They probably aren't either. Stop wasting time to avoid being alone. It's about being with someone who's good for you, not being with someone who's the best of all of the shitty options. Human nature
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  5. #15
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    So don't be with either one of them. If you aren't happy, you aren't happy. They probably aren't either. Stop wasting time to avoid being alone. It's about being with someone who's good for you, not being with someone who's the best of all of the shitty options. Human nature
    But every time I try to be alone it doesn't last long and I get into a relationship. Seriously, the longest I've been single in the past 6 years is like maybe a month. I swear I wouldn't even mind it.

  6. #16
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkyway2 View Post
    But every time I try to be alone it doesn't last long and I get into a relationship. Seriously, the longest I've been single in the past 6 years is like maybe a month. I swear I wouldn't even mind it.
    O_o

    Well, it's still your choice to be in a relationship or to stay alone, nobody's forcing you. Get a grip on yourself already and use your Ti. You can help yourself, nobody else can.

  7. #17
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkyway2 View Post
    But every time I try to be alone it doesn't last long and I get into a relationship. Seriously, the longest I've been single in the past 6 years is like maybe a month. I swear I wouldn't even mind it.


    I understand that nearly everyone prefers to be in a relationship, but you aren't forced in to them. You choose to be in them. It's ok to make bad decisions and learn from them, but take responsibility when you do.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  8. #18
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkyway2 View Post
    But every time I try to be alone it doesn't last long and I get into a relationship. Seriously, the longest I've been single in the past 6 years is like maybe a month. I swear I wouldn't even mind it.
    No one can force you to be their girlfriend. You have agency. Take responsibility for your decisions. Sometimes you'll regret them later, and that's normal, but you have to be prepared to accept the consequences. Leave your INTJ ex in peace.

  9. #19
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    Why wasn't it the 'right time'? This is such a key piece of information.

    I think if I liked a girl a lot, and she needed time to sort something out or whatever, and then I found out she got in a relationship with someone else I knew and then as a bonus regretted it, I think my romantic feelings would pretty much evaporate faster than an ice cube suddenly appearing on the surface of the sun.

    You need to make sure you truly feel the grass is actually greener with him and this is not just absence playing with your heart. I say don't contact him till your sure some progress will be made otherwise he might get hurt just from what might be selfish curiosity/greed/indecisiveness/inability to steer your own ship through better or worse.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    O_o

    Well, it's still your choice to be in a relationship or to stay alone, nobody's forcing you. Get a grip on yourself already and use your Ti. You can help yourself, nobody else can.
    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post


    I understand that nearly everyone prefers to be in a relationship, but you aren't forced in to them. You choose to be in them. It's ok to make bad decisions and learn from them, but take responsibility when you do.
    Quote Originally Posted by burymecloser View Post
    No one can force you to be their girlfriend. You have agency. Take responsibility for your decisions. Sometimes you'll regret them later, and that's normal, but you have to be prepared to accept the consequences. Leave your INTJ ex in peace.
    I love INTJs

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