User Tag List

First 7891011 Last

Results 81 to 90 of 106

  1. #81
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    nnnn
    Posts
    1,633

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by burymecloser View Post
    Uytuun suggested that INTJs can handle this kind of admission and that it might not be a big deal.
    INTJs deal better with the truth than you think they do. Better to tell them an unpleasant truth than drop them in the fog. They can work with unpleasant truths in understanding ways.
    Well, you need to see what I said in the context of the extreme behaviour described in the post I replied to. I didn't mean to give the impression that INTJs are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Or imply that they wouldn't be completely devastated by the news and react emotionally or lash out in some form, feel fundamentally hurt. But from what I've observed (and my remark went way beyond this cheating situation) we prefer to face difficulty (and its consequences) rather than avoid it. We're more geared towards solving the situation (possibly dissolving in this case) and we do tend to have a capacity for empathy. Both are helpful in (emotional) crisis situations.

    I find it difficult to see how withholding information can be constructive in this situation. Avoiding hurt and trying to preserve the relationship are not (necessarily) the same as constructive IMO.

  2. #82
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    If you don't have a ring it don't mean a thing.

    Don't worry, its just sex, all is forgiven...just don't tell your SO.

    Edit: and don't tell your friends because they will just turn around and tell your SO. There is a saying that gos "silence is golden"
    I was waiting for the "jk" or "just kidding" part in the post, then I realized you were serious and lost what little faith I had in humanity left

    Just kidding, I have no faith in humanity

  3. #83
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    n/a
    Posts
    1

    Default I've just started an "affair" with an Entp

    First post ( INTP )

    I can be quite flirtatious when i'm out...it seems i'm either on fire or I ain't. I think it's got to do with knowing that other women are interested that gives an INTP the strengths when flirting that they shouldn't naturally have- given their nature. .I reckon when a intp is unsure of another girls intention or attraction they will withdraw and know not what to do.

    In the 8 years I've been with my girlfriend, ( I'm 24) I've never cheated nor had sex with another woman. For most of this time I have even upheld high ideals about honour and would never have seen myself actually having an affair. The fact that I don't feel guilty whatsoever or remorseful is strange- even for me-..but I reckon I know why this is.

    So !!!...I met this girl one night and immediately was attracted. I gave her those deep eyes (the only way an INTP can flirt if you ask me) but was not outspoken about her beauty. She was more outspoken because my mate was trying his best and I think a sense of urgency took her over. Also being ENFP she's a bit sassy.

    We danced and eventually I kissed her. It was sweet and we exchanged numbers. While this has happened before the next day I knew I would meet her again. And I did. And we talked a lot ...a lot about politics and philosophy and the finer things in life I usually find so difficult to make a two way conversation of. AND we had sex. Although we didn't plan it, this has happened three times in the last week. It happens after we talk a lot and I reckon in a way that's a medium we both feel more comfortable expressing ourselves ( we both seem equally affectionate and child like).

    I can relate to a lot of different points of views on this forum and the ways in which INTPs work and so on, and I think they are valid. However I know personally why I did what I did. It was and is an interesting experience and logically I may ( but recognise I probably won't) spend a better life with her. At the very least it is an experience which i've never had, which is a natural and justifiable as anything else in the world. My girlfriend is lovely but not very challenging. This girl would be more challenging but probably not as nice in the long run

    As the man said "Go on, enjoy yourself. Life is but a once-around". This wasn't a selfish act but a natural act.

    INTP's need challenges and new experiences to keep them happy.

  4. #84
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by leonidas1986 View Post
    This wasn't a selfish act but a natural act.

    INTP's need challenges and new experiences to keep them happy.
    I've heard some far-out rationalizations in my time but this one is a classic.

    I hope I never cheat. I think the damage it does to one's ability to reason is perhaps even worse than the damage it does to one's character...
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #85
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I've heard some far-out rationalizations in my time but this one is a classic.

    I hope I never cheat. I think the damage it does to one's ability to reason is perhaps even worse than the damage it does to one's character...
    Right? It's one thing to cheat. That's bad enough. But own up to the fact that you're cheating. It's not a natural thing. It's a cowardly thing.

    If the gf is lovely but not challenging, break up with her. You're not doing her any favors.
    Something Witty

  6. #86
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Right? It's one thing to cheat. That's bad enough. But own up to the fact that you're cheating. It's not a natural thing. It's a cowardly thing.
    One must acknowledge the feelings and desires one has. But cheating can be a result of this original repression in the context of a relationship. So, it seems rather illogical to expect anything other than more repression of feeling and honesty. Know what I mean?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #87
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    One must acknowledge the feelings and desires one has. But cheating can be a result of this original repression in the context of a relationship. So, it seems rather illogical to expect anything other than more repression of feeling and honesty. Know what I mean?
    Do you mean that the something lacking in the relationship facilitated the cheating and repression of honesty about feeling? Or that the perpetrator has a tendency to repress his feelings in the first place, so why would we expect any different?

    When I was younger and didn't quite understand the emotional effect cheating has on the other party (even emotional cheating or sharing a kiss with someone else, etc), I would have been tempted to frame it as, "well, I just didn't know what I was missing, and had to explore this connection, etc." But when you are a fully-fledged adult, you know going in that you're causing pain to someone else by indulging in a selfish act. That is a decision you're making. To rationalize away in any way, rather than dealing with the problems in the current relationship, is an act of pure selfishness. And to hide behind the INTP type description to justify that behavior is extremely distasteful.
    Something Witty

  8. #88
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by leonidas1986 View Post
    As the man said "Go on, enjoy yourself. Life is but a once-around". This wasn't a selfish act but a natural act.

    INTP's need challenges and new experiences to keep them happy.
    Just keep in mind that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and it may affect more than you (which it certainly does in this case).

    Whatever you do, be willing to accept the consequences. That honor that you mentioned early is something that's not so easy to re-acquire.
    Function Activity:
    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  9. #89
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Do you mean that the something lacking in the relationship facilitated the cheating and repression of honesty about feeling? Or that the perpetrator has a tendency to repress his feelings in the first place, so why would we expect any different?
    Both. For example, cheating often represents the end of the relationship "as it is". And often, it ends a relationship in fact. I think people repress the desire to leave out of fear. And, a repressed person is more likely to be susceptible to attraction because repression causes one to be vulnerable to the action of submerged needs. The submerged needs seize opportunities and the mind forms justifications after the fact.

    When I was younger and didn't quite understand the emotional effect cheating has on the other party (even emotional cheating or sharing a kiss with someone else, etc), I would have been tempted to frame it as, "well, I just didn't know what I was missing, and had to explore this connection, etc." But when you are a fully-fledged adult, you know going in that you're causing pain to someone else by indulging in a selfish act. That is a decision you're making. To rationalize away in any way, rather than dealing with the problems in the current relationship, is an act of pure selfishness. And to hide behind the INTP type description to justify that behavior is extremely distasteful.
    It could be a selfish act or a self-denying act. In many cases, it looks like a self-denying act.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #90
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    ... when you are a fully-fledged adult, you know going in that you're causing pain to someone else by indulging in a selfish act. That is a decision you're making. To rationalize away in any way, rather than dealing with the problems in the current relationship, is an act of pure selfishness. And to hide behind the INTP type description to justify that behavior is extremely distasteful.
    That.

    If you're not sure how you should feel about it, it's easy to resolve: Share the news with your girlfriend for the past eight years, and her response will clarify whether or not you should feel okay about it and whether your relationship can survive your decision to go boldly out there and explore strange new worlds involving other women. Very simple.

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    ... cheating often represents the end of the relationship "as it is". And often, it ends a relationship in fact. I think people repress the desire to leave out of fear. And, a repressed person is more likely to be susceptible to attraction because repression causes one to be vulnerable to the action of submerged needs. The submerged needs seize opportunities and the mind forms justifications after the fact.
    Regardless of "psychological analysis," like I said, the solution is simple.
    Come clean, put the cards on the table, and move on from there.

    The only way to get over not having cajones is to grow a pair, and that doesn't happen by screwing around behind your LTR's back.

    Right now, he's dealing with his shit at his girlfriend's expense. I had to deal with this sort of cowardice too in myself, so I don't feel like I'm being too harsh. Far too typical reticence in INTPs to be afraid to give up relational security and thus have their lives destabilized, so they just explore in secret to avoid losing control of the situation ...and while strategically it serves the needs of the INTP, it totally violates the trust of the other person.

    EDIT: ... this should probably be in its own thread, but maybe we're seeing a need to have a thread for INTPs and cheating.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs, Black Swans, and Nassim Taleb
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 08-30-2015, 04:42 AM
  2. [INTP] INTP relationship patterns and how to break them?
    By bluebell in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 08-30-2012, 02:14 AM
  3. [INTP] INTP, enneagram 5w4 and art
    By Entropic in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-20-2012, 08:46 PM
  4. [INTP] INTP emotions.
    By rememberthisusername in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 10-03-2010, 08:36 PM
  5. [INTP] INTP, intelligence, laziness, and the J rebellion
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-29-2008, 12:36 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO