Wrong. The implications of cheating are far reaching. The problem is, once your partner has cheated on you AND lied/gotten away with it, it becomes incrementally easier to do it again. What if someone gets pregnant or contracts an STD? Once one lie is told it can often snowball into more and more lies to cover up the original one. In any event, if he/she has any sort of conscience the infidelity + the covering it up will poison your relationship in some way. I cannot see how any other outcome is possible.
So because you know you will overreact, you don't want to deal with honest disclosure? This seems like a very immature way of dealing with anything. Haven't you considered that you might forgive your partner? That you might learn something about him and your relationship which might draw you closer or enrich your life together? Or would you always just jump off the deep end?I think the problem is that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. If I knew that my partner had cheated, I certainly would use that to make a decision about whether they deserve my trust, and I would probably conclude that they do not. However, if this was truly a one-time incident, I would have reached the wrong conclusion. One occurrence, with no definite implications for the future, is not enough information from which to draw reliable conclusions.
It's respectful because one assumes we are dealing with adults here, not children or ostriches.How is it respectful to tell people about something they don't want to know, and which shouldn't affect them or anyone else going forward?
Why would it make you feel better? What if it doesn't make you feel better? What if it makes you feel like shit? Is it selfish then? And isn't it also selfish to deny your partner the option to unburden his guilt?If you say something that makes you feel better and hurts someone else, I'd say that's pretty selfish.
Not at all. I just think happiness should be based on something solid, not a fantasy. I accept some people just want to hear what they want to hear. Maybe most do.You don't get it. This isn't about fear of consequences. It's about maximizing everyone's happiness. The consideration of people's happiness seems to be absent from all your calculations.
No, I'm considering the Golden Rule. I would do for others (hopefully!) what I would want done for myself. Which is to be given the information so that I can make an informed choice. No one has the right to decide for me what I need to hear and what I don't need to hear to maximise my happiness. And I don't have that right over anyone else.You only seem to be considering the perspective of the cheater. You also don't seem to register that some people might feel differently than others about being cheated on. You apparently want the whole truth, unconditionally, so that you have all possible information and can base your decision on it. I understand that position, and it makes sense to me. Normally that's how I feel about things, too.
That simply reflects your own poor judgment, nothing else. I tend to assume that most people are better at judging their own affairs, but maybe in your case that is a false assumption.In this particular instance, the "won't happen again/no future repercussions" provision is a huge out: it basically means that I don't need this information, because it's irrevelant to anything else that will happen. In fact, having this information would almost certainly mislead me in attempts to judge this person's trustworthiness in the future.
I'm wondering how this works in practice. What do you say to your SO? "Honey, if you cheat once you'd better not tell me about it, but if you cheat twice, I want to know so I can dump your ass"?