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  1. #51
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Blue, in all due respect, perhaps it could be viewed in that manner but the fact is if something appears amoral don't mean it is. I speak bluntly to address a complicated situation into the distillation on what will lead to less harm or the greater good.
    Oh. The greater good? Kind of like how two wrongs make a right?

    I don't even necessarily have a problem with amoral people - it's when they try to paint their entirely self-interested actions as being somehow noble and suggest that telling the truth is "a much worse and cowardly act" than lying that I have a problem with them. Black isn't white and no amount of sophistry will make it so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #52
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    Right now I'm stuck in a bit of limbo about what to do but it's not a state that can last.
    I have sort of cheated before. Not like, sex, but kissing, and emotionally. And all that jazz.

    Okay, the first guy, I didn't really feel bad, because I didn't really like them.

    But then I didn't stop my flirtatious ways and kissing ended up and it wasn't very good (ironically, on the INTJ boyfriend, who I am still with. He was the second guy). Anyways, so I told him what went down, and it kind of upset him...probably more than he let on. I don't really know if it was good or bad to tell him. I guess good. Sorry, I am rambling, this probably doesn't mean much to you.

    Anyways, I would assess your feelings for this guy you are with. If you are losing emotion for him, just break up with him. But thinking about being with someone forever isn't exactly a small thing.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  3. #53
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    top^Well it might be moot because OP told her 'friends' and that adds another uncontrolled variable.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #54
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    ^ oh god, I wouldn't get friends involved.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  5. #55
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by burymecloser View Post
    Speak for yourself.
    You'd rather not know the truth or you wouldn't be able to deal with it in a constructive way? (whatever constructive may mean in this scenario)

  6. #56

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    I suggest to the OP not to concern yourself too much with other people's conflicting, subjective views and values and go back to basics- how do YOU feel about what you have done, and what do you feel is the right thing YOU should do? How much do YOU value your long-term relationship? How well do YOU know your partner?
    Call me Visa, please!
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  7. #57
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    You'd rather not know the truth or you wouldn't be able to deal with it in a constructive way? (whatever constructive may mean in this scenario)
    Probably both.

    Honesty is critical to me, and if I got suspicious or asked outright, I wouldn't want them to lie to me. But if they volunteered the information, I suspect it would be the end of the relationship.

    Nothing is more important to me in romantic partners than being able to trust them, and cheating is a breach of trust I doubt I could ever get past. If we didn't break up immediately, I suspect I would become unbearably jealous, controlling, and vengeful. Ugly characteristics, prolonging the misery for both of us until the inevitable end.

    If this was a one-time thing that I was never going to find out about, the relationship was good and my partner genuinely loved me, I think it would be best that I never learned about it. If there was emotional cheating as well as physical, things were already rocky, or another incident of cheating seemed like a realistic possibility, I would say we should just break up, and I would probably be happier never knowing that I'd been cheated on beforehand.

    Under no circumstances can I see myself thinking better of my partner for admitting the indiscretion. Admitting is something you do to make yourself feel better, and it doesn't make the admitter admirable or moral. Unless they're bound to find out anyway, I don't see how it profits those who have been cheated on to know what happened.

  8. #58
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^Trust and honesty are critical to you so you want your partner to lie to you when they cheat?
    Yeah...makes sense.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #59
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    ^Trust and honesty are critical to you so you want your partner to lie to you when they cheat?
    Yeah...makes sense.
    So are there no circumstances (I mean any, not necessarily wrt relationships) in which you think lying is ok? I'm surprised to find an INTP so into moral absolutes. That kind of thing comes from conviction, which comes from Feeling - not T.

    I'm not advocating lying in my case or others - just curious. To give a overly dramatic example, if my (young) kid were dying of cancer I would definitely lie about it.

  10. #60
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    So are there no circumstances (I mean any, not necessarily wrt relationships) in which you think lying is ok? I'm surprised to find an INTP so into moral absolutes. That kind of thing comes from conviction, which comes from Feeling - not T.

    I'm not advocating lying in my case or others - just curious. To give a overly dramatic example, if my (young) kid were dying of cancer I would definitely lie about it.
    I think Blue/Morgan would be the first to admit she comes a bit closer to an INTJ standpoint so take every perspective accordingly. All of them.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

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