User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 106

  1. #31
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    Friends of mine who cheated on their partners all got out with a better relationship after they told them. Sure, it will be a test of your relationship, and all of those friends had to go through the dust for weeks or months, but if you want to continue to stay together you should definitely talk things out with your partner rather then remain with the guilt.
    Yeah, this x1000. This is basically what I was going to say. It would probably be much worse to leave the relationship without having said anything or sorting out your emotions with your partner than to just deal with it and explain that you fucked up. If you were thinking that you could stay with him forever... then tell him that while you're talking it out. INTJs like long term planning sorts of things... that would help I'm sure.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #32
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    I have always been a bit self-congratulatory on my seemingly developed Fe (for an INTP) - I've always gotten what I wanted in relationships and have only rarely been lonely and/or disconnected or had issues saying what I felt or being appropriately demonstrative when needed. I've also rarely been unhappy in relationships, even those that ended, and have never, not ONCE, had the desire to cheat on a partner.

    With that introduction, I just cheated (big-time emotional + physical over a few days on holiday) on my long-term INTJ partner with (I am fairly sure) another INTP.

    This was so out of the blue and unanticipated, and so very very damaging to my own feelings about my current relationship that I'm now thinking that my supposed self-confidence in my emotional abilities was all overconfidence and basically crap. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I thought that INTPs were supposed to be good at analysis, but it seems in this case I had a LOT of repressed shit going on that I really had no conscious knowledge of. Or at least that seems to be the case assuming that hardcore falling for someone you hardly know doesn't come out of nowhere.

    Right now I'm stuck in a bit of limbo about what to do but it's not a state that can last.
    I recognize this. You thought you were one person based purely on your experiences to date and your values, but it turns out you're not that person at all. You've had to confront your own frailties. Frailties that you probably used to look down on others for, or at least be puzzled about. You say you have well-developed Fe, and perhaps you do, but you lack empathy and apparently, appropriate remorse. You come across as a bit narcissistic - all your measures of being successful in relationships revolve around your own happiness and contentment. You are distracting yourself here with irrelevant observations and intellectualization rather than really deal with the fact that you cheated on someone because you lacked the self-control to do otherwise. You don't want to absorb that into your self-concept. Tough. No matter how you or others try to justify it, it is unjustifiable. Learn from it, ask forgiveness and move on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #33
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,474

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    Friends of mine who cheated on their partners all got out with a better relationship after they told them. Sure, it will be a test of your relationship, and all of those friends had to go through the dust for weeks or months, but if you want to continue to stay together you should definitely talk things out with your partner rather then remain with the guilt.
    Fuck that noize...it might fly in the Netherlands but in general 20 year old INTJ finding out their girlfriend cheated on them...if they didn't just make a clean break then immediately after hearing it it would be all hell hath no fury! with sweet life shattering revenge many times over.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #34
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    SEXY
    Posts
    1,868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Fuck that noize...it might fly in the Netherlands but in general 20 year old INTJ finding out their girlfriend cheated on them...if they didn't just make a clean break then immediately after hearing it it would be all hell hath no fury! with sweet life shattering revenge many times over.
    If it was 'just a girl' I dated then it wouldn't really matter to me no. But a serious relationship is something completely different. And like I said, you'd likely have to crawl through the dust for a couple of months to regain the trust of your partner. But to me being honest is one of the biggest parts of being in a relationship, and I couldn't live with the thought of having to stick to a lie for the rest of my life with someone I deeply care about.

    And, if it's a typical INTJ, you could always politely point out that if he breaks up he will not get a girlfriend and therefore sex any time soon!
    (removed)

  5. #35
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    nnnn
    Posts
    1,633

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Fuck that noize...it might fly in the Netherlands but in general 20 year old INTJ finding out their girlfriend cheated on them...if they didn't just make a clean break then immediately after hearing it it would be all hell hath no fury! with sweet life shattering revenge many times over.
    INTJs deal better with the truth than you think they do. Better to tell them an unpleasant truth than drop them in the fog. They can work with unpleasant truths in understanding ways.

  6. #36
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sx
    Socionics
    wtf
    Posts
    186

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I recognize this. You thought you were one person based purely on your experiences to date and your values, but it turns out you're not that person at all. You've had to confront your own frailties. Frailties that you probably used to look down on others for, or at least be puzzled about. You say you have well-developed Fe, and perhaps you do, but you lack empathy and apparently, appropriate remorse. You come across as a bit narcissistic - all your measures of being successful in relationships revolve around your own happiness and contentment. You are distracting yourself here with irrelevant observations and intellectualization rather than really deal with the fact that you cheated on someone because you lacked the self-control to do otherwise. You don't want to absorb that into your self-concept. Tough. No matter how you or others try to justify it, it is unjustifiable. Learn from it, ask forgiveness and move on.
    I don't think I lack empathy, I just excised from my post all comments of the form "and I feel like a complete piece of shit for what I've done" because woe-is-me statements aren't really to the point. But you're not wrong that my basic actions were self-centered, or self-serving. Certainly. That's sort of the basic idea behind finding happiness, unless you think you can find it (strictly) by making others happy - which I think was actually my original mistake. I'm not seeking justification, just understanding so I can make the right decision going forward -- and that includes the future happiness of my bf, whom I care very much about and don't want to burn just because I behaved selfishly or was too cowardly to figure this out and just turned my brain off again and floated through life.

  7. #37
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    ^I think you're smart enough to know what the right thing to do is, which doesn't involve compounding your infidelity with dishonesty. You've already burned him, at least have the courage to tell him so.
    I don't believe that being self-serving ultimately makes anyone happy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #38
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    ?
    Socionics
    ?
    Posts
    201

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    I have always been a bit self-congratulatory on my seemingly developed Fe (for an INTP) - I've always gotten what I wanted in relationships and have only rarely been lonely and/or disconnected or had issues saying what I felt or being appropriately demonstrative when needed. I've also rarely been unhappy in relationships, even those that ended, and have never, not ONCE, had the desire to cheat on a partner.

    With that introduction, I just cheated (big-time emotional + physical over a few days on holiday) on my long-term INTJ partner with (I am fairly sure) another INTP.

    This was so out of the blue and unanticipated, and so very very damaging to my own feelings about my current relationship that I'm now thinking that my supposed self-confidence in my emotional abilities was all overconfidence and basically crap. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I thought that INTPs were supposed to be good at analysis, but it seems in this case I had a LOT of repressed shit going on that I really had no conscious knowledge of. Or at least that seems to be the case assuming that hardcore falling for someone you hardly know doesn't come out of nowhere.

    Right now I'm stuck in a bit of limbo about what to do but it's not a state that can last.
    Yep. I cheated once. I underestimated the emotional repercussions. I thought I could just be like...whatever. Everything is just whatever.. if I cheat.. oh well. Nobody has to know. I can hide whatever I want from whoever. ETC.

    either way, it ended up shitty. never gonna do it again.

  9. #39
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    I dont think that I ever cheated on someone. But I think that what your problem seem to be is lack of control of impulses. The thing that happens when you dont think your actions through and just deal with them on a whim, but goes wrong doing that. It seems like a very normal human behavior so you dont do nothing that others havent tried before. So like your topic says emotional maturity - atleast for intps - is to say "this reaction Im getting is not congruent how my principles for living are, I feel remorse. What is there to do other than rectifying my actions?"

  10. #40
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    I understand that indulging in such a temptation has destabilized what you thought you knew about what you wanted, if you were happy, if you were on the right path, "how can I really feel about him if I did that," etc. So it seems pretty normal to be a bit confused, and lost as to where you stand and how you want to move forward. I would think it's important to analyze the essence your mistake: why you fell so hard, why you made the decision to break the trust with your bf, what attracted you away from him and to another, to see why you did what you did. Maybe there were some problems you were having, some needs that weren't being addressed and everything just snowballed. This kind of investigation is needed to see whether it was a slip up, or perhaps indicative of a greater problem.

    Regardless, Synarch is right that in telling your BF, he may make the decision for you.



    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post

    I think that it's not super-uncommon for INTPs to have some kind of relational wake-up call because they seem to enter relationships passively, if that makes sense.
    ...



Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs, Black Swans, and Nassim Taleb
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 08-30-2015, 04:42 AM
  2. [INTP] INTP relationship patterns and how to break them?
    By bluebell in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 08-30-2012, 02:14 AM
  3. [INTP] INTP, enneagram 5w4 and art
    By Entropic in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-20-2012, 08:46 PM
  4. [INTP] INTP emotions.
    By rememberthisusername in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 10-03-2010, 08:36 PM
  5. [INTP] INTP, intelligence, laziness, and the J rebellion
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-29-2008, 12:36 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO