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  1. #41
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    most guys I think are happy with someone they find to be nice as a person, fairly attractive (relative to the guy in question), and of a similair intelligence level to themselves. Simple...almost primitive I guess you could say.
    You don't possibly believe this, do you?

  2. #42
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    For example: I come across quite cold and self-assured. Certain kinds of owmen find this attractive. But then, they want you to be somethign else too. But then, if you were to become something else, they'd no longer be interested, for example.
    Hmm. Kinda like the whole virgin/whore thing? Oh no, men aren't demanding at all. They only want women to embody completely contradictory archetypes at the same time!
    Then they complain that we are contradictory!
    I'm so glad men are such reasonable creatures. :P

    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    So, we're making progress: women want 1.) someone driven and with direction in their life,
    2.) emotional intelligence.
    Not every woman wants that. Some want more, some want less, some want different things altogether.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #43
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    It's just a fact I'm afraid. I'm not a misogynist, rationally I believe in feminism. But with real life women, I just, don't get 'em.

    I mean don't get me wrong, I know how to "pull" (as we say in Landan Town) etc. - I just find it pathetic the way that by acting in a way that I find annoying/transparent, I can "pull", whereas by acting in a way I find genuinely admirable, I wouldn't. So it's not that I don't know the rules, I just don't get them.

    So a few questions:

    1.) Why is it that women will pretend to want a nice guy etc., but really are fascinated by you if you are an asshole, and will harrass you to show a "human" side, but then, soon get bored once you have shown it (or at least, if you don't turn it off very quickly).

    2.) Leading on from that, why be annoyed by arrogance when this is what attracted you in the first place, and when there were plenty of non-arrogant guys who like you, who you could go for, but don't.

    3.) Why demand the hypocrisy that someone be "ambitious" or an "alpha male" in more general terms, but that they not be an asshole, when clearly, the two can't be seprated (by definition, climbing above other people, means taking advantage of situations for your benefit at their expense, i.e., being an asshole)? So why do we have to play some game of denying assholery while at the very same time taking a shit on everyone else?

    Actually those 3 questions are probably all the same, but whatever.
    Maybe women really want someone who's mature, empathetic, and not bitter. Maybe they want someone who doesn't assume that they're all the same or feel like a martyr in an unfair world. Maybe -- crazy idea -- they all want something a little different, and there's a good match out there whether you eventually view them respectfully or not.

  4. #44
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    you can do the nice guy routine in a genuine way as long as you are dating and messing around/sleeping with multiple women...

    you might wonder how it is possible for a nice guy to date multiple women... uh... but in case you haven't noticed. genuinely nice women date multiple guys at the same time too, its just that they don't lie and lead them on in a dishonest way. so you can be a nice guy and just don't be dishonest about what you are feeling.

    so if you are dating around and still be a nice guy, you can be genuine to yourself, and still be a challenge enough to her to keep her mentally wet.

  5. #45
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Hmm. Kinda like the whole virgin/whore thing? Oh no, men aren't demanding at all. They only want women to embody completely contradictory archetypes at the same time!
    Then they complain that we are contradictory!
    Good point.

    I was in a bad mood when I made this thread and apologize for making a sweeping generalization. It's a shame this board doesn't have Rants and Raves subforum.
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  6. #46
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    Yah, women are nothing but trouble! Now excuse me, I am going to microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  7. #47
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh wtf
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #48
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    It's just a fact I'm afraid. I'm not a misogynist, rationally I believe in feminism. But with real life women, I just, don't get 'em.

    I mean don't get me wrong, I know how to "pull"
    At first I thought you were talking about masturbating. Anyway...

    1.) Why is it that women will pretend to want a nice guy etc., but really are fascinated by you if you are an asshole, and will harrass you to show a "human" side, but then, soon get bored once you have shown it (or at least, if you don't turn it off very quickly).
    I'll give you my take. And this should be applicable to a majority of women and men, but certainly not all.

    I think people operate from two different places when it comes to relationships. Part of their mind is looking for a compatible mate that is stable. The other part is biologically and automatically drawn to dominance. A guy who's a dismissive asshole suggests that he has something special that he doesn't want to waste on you, thereby creating an illusion of superiority that triggers the "get-the-dominant" psychological circuit/software. It makes the girl (and actually, it works both ways, not just girl --> guy) want to qualify herself and establish herself as worthy and equal, if not superior. How does she do that? By either elevating her own status (status displays) or denigrating the dominant (humanizing him). Once she's succeeded in establishing her worth, the guy is no longer dominant, and the program is terminated. (My apologies for the Matrix-y jargon.)

    2.) Leading on from that, why be annoyed by arrogance when this is what attracted you in the first place, and when there were plenty of non-arrogant guys who like you, who you could go for, but don't.
    Non-arrogant or just plain pussies? I suspect that a guy who's assertive and at ease is the ultimate catch because he triggers the get-the-dominant circuit without being threatening, and without disqualifying himself from candidacy for life-mate either. There are plenty of women who go for guys who aren't arrogant but who are still assertive and have integrity.

    3.) Why demand the hypocrisy that someone be "ambitious" or an "alpha male" in more general terms, but that they not be an asshole, when clearly, the two can't be seprated (by definition, climbing above other people, means taking advantage of situations for your benefit at their expense, i.e., being an asshole)? So why do we have to play some game of denying assholery while at the very same time taking a shit on everyone else?
    I agree that some alphas are assholes, but you can be assertive and not be an asshole.

    One possibility is that by "alpha" these people are talking about "assertive" males. Another possibility is that they're confused and you're right -- they don't appreciate the complete personality of an alpha. A third possibility is that they're talking about 2 separate guys that fulfill both categories of "life partner" and "dominant." As I said before, I think people operate from 2 places and produce separate lists of desirable qualities. Those lists can become conflated.

  9. #49
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    Join the club.

    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  10. #50
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    A) you're looking in the wrong place if that's what you're finding

    B) you need to stop reading those awful "pick up girls" sites. they make you feel like you understand women, but they actually prevent you from looking at women like real people and getting to know them. make some female friends without trying to sleep with them, that should help.

    C) maybe the "good" women can sense this attitude from you and that's why they aren't interested in such a nice guy
    -end of thread-

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