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[ENTJ] ENTJ not making sense

aviva

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
19
I was friends with an ENTJ for a few months. He works a LOT so we never got around to hanging out until...

At the end of last year, he started pursuing me like crazy, we hit it off, hung out and talked a lot. He did lots of sweet things for me, kept telling me why he liked me, and got shy when I smiled at him.

One month later, we both get crazy busy and it's hard to see each other. We hang out once, he asks when I'm free again, but I turn the question back at him since he's busier than me. He said he'd let me know, but never got back to me.

What the heck?

I didn't call or email for a few days, figuring he was just busy. I wait a good 5 days until AFTER we were supposed to hang out, then sent him an email laying out details of what happened: we hung out a lot, got busy, then nothing, but I said I still liked him, and told him to call me. It was a long email, but mostly laying out facts.

Few hours later, he tells me he's sorry for not getting back to me, and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him, and that he was working all weekend, and that he'd reply to my email.

Nope, he never replied to my email. I texted him once, IM'd him once, and then stopped. I stopped trying. It's been a good 4 weeks since we last talked.

Again, what the heck???

I still think about him a lot, and am obviously still disappointed.

He was so direct about everything. My email was pretty straightforward, so I figured he'd at least tell me 'i'm not interested anymore'. But I didn't even get that.

More info: I should also add that we met on an online dating/social networking site. Neither of us really meet people off of it, we just kill a bit of time using it. After a month of dating, we both deactivated our accounts. After he ignored(?) me, I reactivated my account and saw that he wasn't back on it. But he reactivated a few days later...and viewed my profile several times. Yet he did not contact me.

What the hell is going on?
 

JHBowden

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May 14, 2009
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I guess he doesn't care.

Has it been confirmed he's an ENTJ though? I'm pretty clear about letting people know where we stand, and always feel weird about leaving others hanging.

If he's an ENTJ though, I'd surmise he doesn't see you working out long-term for whatever reason, and therefore sees no point in making a short-term investment that will yield no dividends. But that's all conjecture on my part.
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
Messages
19
He is a twice-confirmed ENTJ. In fact, we even talked about mbti. He is more like EnTJ.

And the thing is, when he said he'd reply to my email, I took his word for it. I actually believed he'd just say, "look, I'm too busy, and can't hang out anymore" or "Sorry, not interested anymore." Either way, hint taken. But ignoring the situation after everything seemed to be going fine and him wanting to hang out again? That just baffles me. And it's pretty rude, especially since we were becoming good friends and had so much to talk about.

I mean, conversation-wise, he had a hard time ending our dates because we talked about everything under the sun. (And I don't mean that I was doing most of the talking and he couldn't stop me -- it was pretty mutual.)
 

Jaguar

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Messages
20,647
Confirmed. Lol. I won't even touch that.
At any rate, I'm only hearing your side of the story and not his.
 

Silencio

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Sep 27, 2009
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I guess he doesn't care.

Has it been confirmed he's an ENTJ though? I'm pretty clear about letting people know where we stand, and always feel weird about leaving others hanging.

If he's an ENTJ though, I'd surmise he doesn't see you working out long-term for whatever reason, and therefore sees no point in making a short-term investment that will yield no dividends. But that's all conjecture on my part.

I agree with this. He probably doesn't see anything long term happening but also doesn't really want to go as far as telling you it's over.
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
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Confirmed. Lol. I won't even touch that.
At any rate, I'm only hearing your side of the story and not his.

I am NOT going to send him an email and say, "look, get on this forum and tell them your side of the story so that they can tell me what the hell is going on with you."
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
Messages
19
I agree with this. He probably doesn't see anything long term happening but also doesn't really want to go as far as telling you it's over.

Then, I mean, why did he try to spend the end of that last date trying to find out when I was free, figure out the logistics for the next time, planning it, etc?

Something seems amiss...
 

Jaguar

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May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
I am NOT going to send him an email and say, "look, get on this forum and tell them your side of the story so that they can tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Relax.
 

Lux

Kraken down on piracy
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Aug 6, 2009
Messages
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Then, I mean, why did he try to spend the end of that last date trying to find out when I was free, figure out the logistics for the next time, planning it, etc?

Something seems amiss...

Maybe is he just insanely busy and keeps putting you off but is meaning to get back to you later, but things keep coming up. And now, it may seem a bit too late. Or he has realized that he really doesn't have the time for a relationship.
At times work trumps people.

Good luck. :)
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
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Maybe is he just insanely busy and keeps putting you off but is meaning to get back to you later, but things keep coming up. And now, it may seem a bit too late. Or he has realized that he really doesn't have the time for a relationship.
At times work trumps people.

Good luck. :)

Thanks Lux. I have considered this possibility. I guess it just bothers me because now I want to do something to make things go back to the way they were, but I don't know what to do.
 

Lux

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Thanks Lux. I have considered this possibility. I guess it just bothers me because now I want to do something to make things go back to the way they were, but I don't know what to do.

You can never make things go back to the way were. You can only try for a good relationship in the future. I wish I had better advice for you.
 

JustHer

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Aug 7, 2009
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You might want to step back at this point, contacting him at this point might just annoy him.
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
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You might want to step back at this point, contacting him at this point might just annoy him.

That's what I've been doing for the last month. I don't think I've contacted him in any excessive way whether he was responsive or not, even towards the end...
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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Aug 13, 2007
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Well, it does sound a bit strange. If I was really interested in somebody, I wouldn't do that. From how you describe his behavior, it looks like he was definitely into you. So it's hard to make sense of the situation. Perhaps he's still busy, yeah, but he must find a little time to write an e-mail, so that's not an excuse.
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
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Well, it does sound a bit strange. If I was really interested in somebody, I wouldn't do that. From how you describe his behavior, it looks like he was definitely into you. So it's hard to make sense of the situation. Perhaps he's still busy, yeah, but he must find a little time to write an e-mail, so that's not an excuse.

I have read in other places (and Lux also pointed this out) that ENTJs tend to get so caught up in work that they just forget other stuff -- yes, romantic situations included. Could he have rationalized that it's too late?

Also, he could have ignored my long email, but he told me he'd respond to it. If he wanted to cut things off, why bother promise me that he'd reply to that long email (and then not do it)?
 

Fluffywolf

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It's not like an ENTJ to make a promise and then don't come true to it in order to avoid it.

I think his focus is just out of whack. I'd take him up for a coffee, no questions asked, and seek conversation and get some answers from him.

If he wants to be with you, or keep a place open for you, he has to make the time and put in the effort to do so. Otherwise it isn't fair to you.

If he can't bring that up, he should rightly end his ties with you and make it clear to you, so you too know what you are up against.

It is lame and cowardish to keep you in the dark like that.
 

aviva

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Feb 14, 2010
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It's not like an ENTJ to make a promise and then don't come true to it in order to avoid it.

I think his focus is just out of whack. I'd take him up for a coffee, no questions asked, and seek conversation and get some answers from him.

If he wants to be with you, or keep a place open for you, he has to make the time and put in the effort to do so. Otherwise it isn't fair to you.

If he can't bring that up, he should rightly end his ties with you and make it clear to you, so you too know what you are up against.

It is lame and cowardish to keep you in the dark like that.

We live kinda far from each other so it may be weird to "just have coffee".
 

Fluffywolf

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We live kinda far from each other so it may be weird to "just have coffee".

Either way, you deserve a straight up answer, don't you think? So you should try and get one.

Those are my two cents, anyways.
 
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