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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Either way, you deserve a straight up answer, don't you think? So you should try and get one.

    Those are my two cents, anyways.
    Yes, I do feel that I deserve a straight answer... but I am afraid to send another email, text, or IM (and not two, three, or four of any of the above), since he practically didn't respond to all of those.

    I've even given it a month of time.

    Some say that silence IS an answer. But I have this gut feeling that there is more going on than what appears on the surface.

    What makes someone responsive to something? What is an easy way in?

  2. #22
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    Do ENTJs ever feel unsure of someone in these situations and give up? Do they ever get excited if someone contacts them first?

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviva View Post
    Yes, I do feel that I deserve a straight answer... but I am afraid to send another email, text, or IM, since he practically didn't respond to all of those.

    Some say that silence IS an answer. But I have this gut feeling that there is more going on than what appears on the surface.

    What makes someone responsive to something? What is an easy way in?
    Whilest I can understand that you want to lead this rightly so that all is well that ends well. And as you are concerned about him, you will steer away from confrontional interaction out of fear that the result is not what you want to hear. And that your lack of attitude regarding this is keeping the issue stale and unanswered.

    I completely understand your behaviour and there's nothing wrong with it. But somewhere you'll need to draw a line that says to here and no further. Because as long as you keep a place for him in your life, you will shut yourself out from all others. And if he doesn't make the effort to be in your life, he will not be the one that make you happy.

    So you can either continue doing what you do, hoping for the best. Or confront him in some way (obviously in a friendly and least invasive manner, you don't want to force him into making a descision when he just truely isn't sure about things.) But if he truely just doesn't know where he stands, he should still be open to you about it.

    It's pretty obvious he's not going to make that move any time soon though, so I think it's up to you.

    However I do know one thing, and that is if you start avoiding him too because you don't want to pressure him and hoping for some miracle, there's little chance of you two ever getting in contact again.


    PS: Sending a message like "I need to know what you feel about me now!" isn't going to help either and a more proper way of adressing the situation is in a more casual "Hey you? I feel concerned about you, are things ok? etc, etc" way. In other words, don't come over as some insane scary psychopath.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Whilest I can understand that you want to lead this rightly so that all is well that ends well. And as you are concerned about him, you will steer away from confrontional interaction out of fear that the result is not what you want to hear. And that your lack of attitude regarding this is keeping the issue stale and unanswered.

    I completely understand your behaviour and there's nothing wrong with it. But somewhere you'll need to draw a line that says to here and no further. Because as long as you keep a place for him in your life, you will shut yourself out from all others. And if he doesn't make the effort to be in your life, he will not be the one that make you happy.

    So you can either continue doing what you do, hoping for the best. Or confront him in some way (obviously in a friendly and least invasive manner, you don't want to force him into making a descision when he just truely isn't sure about things.) But if he truely just doesn't know where he stands, he should still be open to you about it.

    It's pretty obvious he's not going to make that move any time soon though, so I think it's up to you.

    However I do know one thing, and that is if you start avoiding him too because you don't want to pressure him and hoping for some miracle, there's little chance of you two ever getting in contact again.
    Thanks for your responses Fluffywolf.

    I guess I am posting here, not because I was looking for answers, but to understand this situation better. It would help me a lot if I could understand what makes someone just stop communicating like that.

    I am looking for what other people have experienced. I am looking for misunderstandings that took place that others didn't know about until way after the incident. I am looking for that kind of insight.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    PS: Sending a message like "I need to know what you feel about me now!" isn't going to help either and a more proper way of adressing the situation is in a more casual "Hey you? I feel concerned about you, are things ok? etc, etc" way. In other words, don't come over as some insane scary psychopath.

    Actually, I did do that in one of my very last texts to him, which got a response "i'm ok but working a lot".....but all of the quick back and forth vanished, seemingly overnight.

    So I'm even wary of sending something as mundane as that!!

    I have been entertaining the idea of looking for something random to get his opinion or advice about, thinking that he would not give up a chance to be helpful in a practical way.

    But I don't know...I'm still in understanding-this-situation mode.

  6. #26
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    There could be a ton of explanations. And sorry for sounding a bit harsh, but it could be everything from being scared shitless about his emotions as he is so madly in love with you it derails him from his focus, scares him, and he can't give it a proper place in his life in which he can cope. To he doesn't care at all about you, or your feelings, and shrug you off like a piece of garbage. And just about everything in between. I don't think trying to figure out why he acts the way he does without hearing it from him directly will get you anywhere.

    As for avoiding misunderstandings, proper two-sided communication is the only cure for that, I'm afraid. There's just too many possibilities to consider attempting to solve this by yourself, and the chance to only get further misunderstandings are like 999 to 1000. Because the chance of you being right on the money has a very low probability rate.

    edit: Trying to ask for his advice is probably a good way of starting off some smalltalk and get some straight up answers. Something that is close to his expertise and interests ofcourse. But even then, it's probably up to you to keep the ball running.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    There could be a ton of explanations. And sorry for sounding a bit harsh, but it could be everything from being scared shitless about his emotions as he is so madly in love with you it derails him from his focus, scares him, and he can't give it a proper place in his life in which he can cope. To he doesn't care at all about you, or your feelings, and shrug you off like a piece of garbage. And just about everything in between. I don't think trying to figure out why he acts the way he does without hearing it from him directly will get you anywhere.

    As for avoiding misunderstandings, proper two-sided communication is the only cure for that, I'm afraid. There's just too many possibilities to consider attempting to solve this by yourself, and the chance to only get further misunderstandings are like 999 to 1000. Because the chance of you being right on the money has a very low probability rate.
    This is very good advice, but I am still tempted to ask: there's not even a most likely scenario that is true, let's say, 75%+ of the time?

    This is bothering me so much that I'm willing to go for a cliched perspective. This is terrible!

  8. #28
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    Well, if it is the most logical scenario you're after, don't ask me. Because I'm the type that would probably expect the worst so there is no room for dissappointment. And whilest that would work for me, I have the distinct feeling it's not what would work for you.

    All that is left for me to say is that I hope things will work out for you, whichever way. And that you have the strength to deal with the situation regardless of outcome.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Well, if it is the most logical scenario you're after, don't ask me. Because I'm the type that would probably expect the worst so there is no room for dissappointment. And whilest that would work for me, I have the distinct feeling it's not what would work for you.

    All that is left for me to say is that I hope things will work out for you, whichever way. And that you have the strength to deal with the situation regardless of outcome.
    Have you ever been in this kinda situation, I mean, on his end?

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviva View Post
    Have you ever been in this kinda situation, I mean, on his end?
    Sort off. Well, no, not really. It was majorly different. Although there was distinct lack of apparantly important communication, there was still interaction. And you don't want to know how that ended. Or rather, I don't want to tell you. Anyways I was young, inexperienced and ill-equipped for the situation anyhow.

    I have known friends that cut off ties from relationships for all the wrong reasons though. The one constant factor in it is that it's never the right way to deal with it. Everything else varies.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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