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  1. #1
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Default Need to be best/cockiness (a rant)

    So I have this thing where if I put in effort I need to be the best. I cannot handle being average or even a bit better than average; I need to be 95th percentile or better. Anyways, there happen to be things/subjects/talents that this applies to for me. In those areas, I have extreme confidence and probably exude the vibe that I know better than others.

    I acknowledge this by admitting to being somewhat of an arrogant asshole, or admitting to cockiness or whatever. But the truth is I'm pretty handicapped in a lot of ways, and don't feel much in the way of life confidence. Probably less than most actually.

    What people don't seem to get is that I choose to distribute my own efforts in a way in which I'm really specialized in certain areas at the cost of breadth. So since I choose to put a lot (and when I say a lot, I mean a shitload) of effort in the areas that I happen to be talented in, I basically cheat and make myself into a master.

    When I say something like "I did poorly in that game" when I get 3rd out of 20, that implies that I expect myself to be way above average. And people jump on me for it, calling my arrogance out. But obviously I expect to be better than average -- why would I devote myself to a game that I'm average at?

    What I'm basically saying is that it's bullshit that people think of me as out-of-the-ordinary-ily conceited. I just distribute my conceitedness towards my specialties!

    Any of you guys relate to this?

  2. #2
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I relate.

    I'm better than average than most in quite a few fields. But especially concerning (for me) menial things, I tend to suck. I also tend to avoid them, not just because I'm not good at it. But because it's not important to me.

    I just have a drive to excel in the areas that are important to me. And that drive just pays off. But when I feel I fall short, I am often quickly seen as arrogant, because in their eyes I still did well. I'm not really arrogant, I'm just not happy with my results and feel I should be able to do better. It only adds to my drive to excel more in the future.

    I think all intp's have that drive. Some just indulge in it more than others.

    But it's pretty key to our type that we need to expand on ourselves until the day we die. We need to keep booking progress and avoid becoming stagnant in our life, or we'll be miserable.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #3
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quite frequently.
    Because I do not flinch in opinion nor allow other's to sway my decisions or slants on things, it makes the more fragile of us uneasy. I am often percieved as conceited and vain on occassion. I check myself more than I am ridiculed...and it turns out I'm peachy keen. Sounds like you are too, Evan.
    I N V I C T U S

  4. #4
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    Default

    so what are you the best at?

  5. #5
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post

    When I say something like "I did poorly in that game" when I get 3rd out of 20, that implies that I expect myself to be way above average. And people jump on me for it, calling my arrogance out. But obviously I expect to be better than average -- why would I devote myself to a game that I'm average at?
    I find that kind of interesting. I do the same thing, and evaluate myself in a similar way, but I've rarely been called cocky. People tend to feel sorry for me about how hard I am on myself and try to encourage me to lower my standards. I guess it's beyond anyone's imagination that sweet little BlueFlame could possibly be arrogant. It's cool, though. I prefer to wear my crown and robe in private.

    In reality, I think I have very realistic standards for myself. I am exceptional in certain areas, and therefore, the results should reflect that. Why should I be a *B* or even an *A-* if I have the ability to be an *A+*?

    If I have no aptitude for something, I put very little effort into it, and I'm happy with small accomplishments!

    But as far as breadth vs. depth, I'm no competition to a NT in the depth arena!

  6. #6
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Default its admirable

    I have seen this trait in NTPs before. Specifically gaming. Card games, real time strategy games, arcade fighting games, and some other things, too. I think they secretly liked it when a challenger underestimated them Are any of the NTPs on here big time gamers? Just curious.

    When NTPs find something that captivates them and they work very hard to master it, it strikes me as admirable. They push the level of excellence. And no one is harder on them than themselves, from what I have seen. This can cause them to put everything else on the backburner, tho (again only in my experience).
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  7. #7
    Member ryb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Are any of the NTPs on here big time gamers? Just curious.

    When NTPs find something that captivates them and they work very hard to master it, it strikes me as admirable. They push the level of excellence. And no one is harder on them than themselves, from what I have seen. This can cause them to put everything else on the backburner, tho (again only in my experience).
    I guess you could say that I'm the best at a certain game, but I'm usually quite humble about it! But yes, when I notice that I have to improve at it, I do.

  8. #8
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    I don't think this is just an NTP thing. I relate, and I think this is true for a lot of INTJs.

    I don't mind being mediocre at something I'm new to, though if I'm outright bad or unlikely to improve, I probably won't stick with it. But something I've put time into, I expect to be good at, and I become very upset if I perform below expectations. I don't like to think I've sacrificed breadth per se, but I definitely have a few areas I've worked to become specialized in.

    I'd rather be master of a few trades than jack of all. I don't think it's cockiness if you really are the best at something, as long as you're not a dick about it.

  9. #9
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    I relate absolutely. I really believe we are all equal and everyone excels at something, but I also have a nagging desire to be the best I can be and competition propels me closer to perfection. I get a rush from being the best at something, but I realize it is only temporary as someone somewhere will always be better than me eventually. I don't know, I still love being king of the mountain. LOL

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