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  1. #1
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Default INTJ or run for the hills....

    Hey

    I've been online dating (or should I say online filtering - as I've not been on many date)

    Anyways, I met a guy who I beleive it probaly and INTJ... and it's pretty early days.... He was a bit off with me about 3 or 4 conversations in, and my intuition flagged that even though he was off with me, at no point in the 3 or 4 conversation did he talk about me, ask questions or generally make any connecting type conversation, wich freaked me out a bit.

    I met up with him since then and I picked up that he doens't really have many relationships, that he has never been in love excpet after the realtionships had finished, and that he tended to be more inclined to date etc. I kind of got the impression he was not the most empathetic/emotional person.

    The lack of empathy worries me... Is it always a really bad thing, or is he just an INTJ at the begining of getting to know someone?

    I may be other thinking but to me NPD has roots in lack of empathy but also aspergers (which I thought about because he doens't seem to be trying to leaverage supply from me... he makes good eye contact etc so I didn't think so). He is super bright and can tell you evry tiny detail of the conversation you had with him...

    Thoughts, should I run for the hills or treat as an INTJ and see if he can break his lack of empathy???

  2. #2
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post

    Anyways, I met a guy who I beleive it probaly and INTJ... and it's pretty early days.... He was a bit off with me about 3 or 4 conversations in, and my intuition flagged that even though he was off with me, at no point in the 3 or 4 conversation did he talk about me, ask questions or generally make any connecting type conversation, wich freaked me out a bit.
    Could be that he's just interested and afraid of screwing up by asking the wrong questions. He might not be very well equipped to talk socially to someone, but still having the best intentions. Ice that just needs to break first.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    I met up with him since then and I picked up that he doens't really have many relationships, that he has never been in love excpet after the realtionships had finished, and that he tended to be more inclined to date etc. I kind of got the impression he was not the most empathetic/emotional person.
    Makes sense that he isn't very well equipped socially when he doesn't have much experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    The lack of empathy worries me... Is it always a really bad thing, or is he just an INTJ at the begining of getting to know someone?
    Lack of empathy might also be another aspect of him trying to keep his composure around you. Just superficial.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    I may be other thinking but to me NPD has roots in lack of empathy but also aspergers (which I thought about because he doens't seem to be trying to leaverage supply from me... he makes good eye contact etc so I didn't think so). He is super bright and can tell you evry tiny detail of the conversation you had with him...

    Thoughts, should I run for the hills or treat as an INTJ and see if he can break his lack of empathy???
    I think he is ISTJ.

    Just my two cents. But really, I wasn't around when you had your dates with him, so I don't really know. xD
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #3
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Thanks Fluffy really apperciates it

    Why do you think he is an ISTJ? Because of the level of detail? I do that too, but only with random wierd facts... like my mates dad liking a type of soup.... weird trivia that I know for sure.

    He is a pretty high flying professional and comes over very chatty etc...

    I may be being too harsh on him, but I get the real vibe he doens't feel for people at all he also self decries that he never falls in love and really doens't seem to do the suportive thing.

    It is also possibly I'm inidng faults with him for soem reason

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    Thanks Fluffy really apperciates it

    Why do you think he is an ISTJ? Because of the level of detail? I do that too, but only with random wierd facts... like my mates dad liking a type of soup.... weird trivia that I know for sure.

    He is a pretty high flying professional and comes over very chatty etc...

    I may be being too harsh on him, but I get the real vibe he doens't feel for people at all he also self decries that he never falls in love and really doens't seem to do the suportive thing.

    It is also possibly I'm inidng faults with him for soem reason
    Remembering whole conversations in detail seems a bit Se to me yes. N would rather pick out all the interesting stuff, connections and other interesting vibes. And since Se is an ISTJ's most present shadow function which emerges under stress. And seeing as dating and meeting another person for someone like him would definatly be a change. I think it would make more sense that he is an ISTJ than him being INTJ.

    Those are just my impressions though.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Can I help ?

    Yes, you are possibly dealing with an ISTJ.

  6. #6
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Can I help ?

    Yes, you are possibly dealing with a ISTJ.
    yes please!

  7. #7
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    thanks Both

    I work with a lot of ISTJ, and I can usually pick them out fairly well. I cna always get him to do the test.

    Why I think he is an N - he is seriously seriously bright, and able to chat about most things abstract or concrete. He also seems to be able to deal with my flakier topics of conversation and rolles wiht the migration betweeen - thinking type, talk about childhood obesity, beingable to measure thought, anthopology in africa etc etc (a usual 20 min chat to me)

    Type is less of the biggie issue at this stage, I'm more concerned with the lack of empathy/emotional lacking/lack of having been in love - he is mid 30's

  8. #8
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I don't think remembering details is more istj than intj.

  9. #9
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I don't think remembering details is more istj than intj.
    It is under stress.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #10
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    It is under stress.

    hmmm are you saying I'm a shit date???? LOL dig yourself out...

    Thanks Elaur

    Fluff in seriousness, he didn't seem too stressed out, but his life is goign through a critical phase

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