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[INTJ] INTJ or run for the hills....

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
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3,960
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ENTJ
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8w9
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sp/sx
crossed my mind because he wasn't seeking supply thats i could see so def possibility. I guess need to wait and see how t goes... may not get anywhere are all. I'm consious that my suspicions may cause issues themsevles so I need to get a grip on me

right. just take your hands off of the space modulator and allow him to answer your questions with his actions
 

tinkerbell

New member
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Hey Thurs

I will give it a go for now, see how it goes... if it goes pear shaped then ye know....
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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any astrology specs on the guy?
 

tinkerbell

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Actually the astrology is really good appart from the Mars square to my Stellum and a square from his uranus to my moon.

other than that it is one set of trines, mutual Pluto Venus sextiles... nice Mars square venus, Mars trine venus - nice
 

Uytuun

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nnnn
What do you lose by continuing a little longer? Just see how it goes.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
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Tinkerbell, a healthy INTJ should be empathetic, that kinda goes hand-in-hand with their tertiary Fi, especially an older INTJ.

Also, his being in his mid-thirties and never having been in love is kind of a red flag too.

So, I ask you, knowing both these things, is pursuing this guy still worth it!??!

Sorry if these issues have been addressed already, only read the first post.

:hug:
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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Tinkerbell, a healthy INTJ should be empathetic, that kinda goes hand-in-hand with their tertiary Fi, especially an older INTJ.

Also, his being in his mid-thirties and never having been in love is kind of a red flag too.

So, I ask you, knowing both these things, is pursuing this guy still worth it!??!

Sorry if these issues have been addressed already, only read the first post.

:hug:

Some people are late bloomers, I still think judging to soon might prove unfair to him. If he really isn't suitable, it probably will show clearly soon enough. Right now, it's just assumptions and not much to go on.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
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True that, time and experience reveal the truth about a person's character.

But, that being said, there are warning signs that one should consider before diving in. :)
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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Look at it from this perspective. He clearly has interest in dating. That must come from some form of personal need. If it's just the physical, there are easier ways to gain access. With leaves me to assume he seeks a mate for emotional reasons. Wether he let on about that or not.

I see no other reason why someone would want to date. Relationship or just for the sex, and he doesn't strike me as the guy looking for physical relief. There are better ways to spend your time if you're in for it for anything else but that.

So there's probably more that meets the eye. :)
 

highlander

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He was a bit off with me about 3 or 4 conversations in, and my intuition flagged that even though he was off with me, at no point in the 3 or 4 conversation did he talk about me, ask questions or generally make any connecting type conversation, wich freaked me out a bit.

I met up with him since then and I picked up that he doens't really have many relationships, that he has never been in love excpet after the realtionships had finished, and that he tended to be more inclined to date etc. I kind of got the impression he was not the most empathetic/emotional person.

The lack of empathy worries me... Is it always a really bad thing, or is he just an INTJ at the begining of getting to know someone?

I'd caveat this with the fact that I can jump to conclusions without enough evidence, but it's possible this person may be a bit self-absorbed. Even if not, shouldn't there be more chemistry?

As an aside, are there INTJs that don't ask questions and remember every single detail of conversations? I wouldn't have thought that.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
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Well hey, either you're OCD and nosy or I'm aspie and narcissistic.

I'm seeing a business partnership. OCD, Nosy, Aspie and Narc--ONAN.

There will be an impersonal, yet inquisitive, and rude yet flamboyant company philosophy. It can be published in booklets for managers. We'll call it the way of onanism.

It's very spiritual.
 

burymecloser

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Tinkerbell, a healthy INTJ should be empathetic, that kinda goes hand-in-hand with their tertiary Fi, especially an older INTJ.

Also, his being in his mid-thirties and never having been in love is kind of a red flag too.
Agreed. I don't think lack of empathy, at least to the degree the OP described, is at all normal for INTJs. There's Ti > Fe, and then there's totally missing what's called for in your interactions with others. I'm not saying this guy has Aspergers or NPD or anything like that, but IMO this is not, "Oh, he's just an INTJ."

Look at it from this perspective. He clearly has interest in dating. That must come from some form of personal need. If it's just the physical, there are easier ways to gain access. With leaves me to assume he seeks a mate for emotional reasons. Wether he let on about that or not.

I see no other reason why someone would want to date. Relationship or just for the sex, and he doesn't strike me as the guy looking for physical relief. There are better ways to spend your time if you're in for it for anything else but that.

So there's probably more that meets the eye. :)
I don't know, there are some people (certain SJs maybe?) who might date simply because it's what's expected of them. Maybe people are always asking why they don't have an SO, or trying to set them up or whatever. I think there are a lot of reasons someone might want to date, and many of them have nothing to do with establishing a meaningful relationship with someone. We don't know very much about this guy, and I'd be reluctant to assume anything regarding his motivation.

Kalach ... :rolleyes: You're making me wish for bad puns. :)
 

highlander

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Well hey, either you're OCD and nosy or I'm aspie and narcissistic.

I'm seeing a business partnership. OCD, Nosy, Aspie and Narc--ONAN.

There will be an impersonal, yet inquisitive, and rude yet flamboyant company philosophy. It can be published in booklets for managers. We'll call it the way of onanism.

It's very spiritual.

:party: Sounds perfect
 

tinkerbell

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Hi guys

Yes I may be jumping to conclusions.

INTJs are not nessesarily unempathetic, but they can sulk when first meeting people and come off cold.

Sorry the askign questions - was not simply asking questions, it was asking questions about me... ie happy to chat about subjects but not about the person - ie having a conversation with a person but not enegagng with the person in a real way. I was down with a cold, the worst illness I've had in 3 years, he knew I'd been off work sick, but enver asked how I was feeling on any occation. So that wasn't an INTJ thing it was a non empathetic thing

I don't beleive anyone said their was a correlation between INJT and Asprergers, NPD or Psycopathy, but that there is a correleation between lacking empathy and those things...

sorry if you INTJ guys are getting flack, it wasn't intended, I see them as totally seperate issues... ie he may be an INTJ and not nessesarily good socially when he first meets people, so is expressing himself badly and using language he doens't realyl understand the implications off or how it would be heard.

On the possitive side although he claims to never having been in love at the time of relationship, he did say he had been in retrospect, and when it got a bit ikky he did check in with me the next day. So although he may say he is non empathetic, he does have some behaviour that says he has some.

Oh and to all... thank you so much for your thought and typing and stuff... I will see how it goes and keep and open mind
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
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Lack of empathy is "sort of" an INTJ thing, insofar as a "normal INTJ" (is there any such thing?) will tend to err on the side of saying nothing rather than risking offense ... because we're often unsure with someone new how much of our inner thoughts we can share. In the normal course of events, it just doesn't occur to an INTJ to express empathy or well-wishing outside of formal conversational conventions. If you're down with a bad cold, we might mention a good cold medicine that works well for us, but many INTJs just don't see the point in wishing you well ... wishing doesn't work, and saying the words won't remove your sickness. This isn't lack of empathy, per se, but it sure feels like it if you're on the receiving end of it.

So if you're detecting those kinds of vibes, he may be INTJ and have an absurdly rational approach to relationships. That is its own set of problems, and even if he's a good guy, he may not be ready for you or vice versa. So, just relax and see what he's like. Prompt him to ask questions about you: if he's really INTJ, he's likely too reticent to initiate that. You'll learn about him by what kind of questions he asks and by how he reacts to your replies.
 
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