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  1. #11
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    the point being.
    I want to be authentic, and let my guard down with someone who I can trust. This person has to prove that. When they say things that are insensitive, and wan't to banter back and forth, whatever, when it is directed at me it, that is not okay, I don't like it.

    In all honesty, I don't like to agruge in a man I'm in planning on having a relationship with. I don't consider it fun, logical debate after awhile, it's just aggression and disrespect at a certain point. And I don't want to have to put someone that has such a big ego in their place, sounds like a lot of head games to me, and confusing that could turn ugly and plain weird if we started making fun of eachother back and forth.

    In short bursts it's okay, but all the time is annoying and I can't keep up with it. I would say get a debate partner...

    That is I noticed recenly him confronting me on things... I don't like it so I told him, and he said he would be more sensitive.
    And then he said, he didn't know what else to say to me...

    Well at least he is being honest... I wonder what we can talk about? Its too hard now that I think about it. This is stressful.
    Why do some people seem to tease and want it thrown back at them?

    That is why I just don't bother talking... in the end. Can't get blamed that way. and I'll be darned if I will schooled by someone for some bs.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    the point being.
    I want to be authentic, and let my guard down with someone who I can trust. This person has to prove that. When they say things that are insensitive, and wan't to banter back and forth, whatever, when it is directed at me it, that is not okay, I don't like it.

    In all honesty, I don't like to agruge in a man I'm in planning on having a relationship with. I don't consider it fun, logical debate after awhile, it's just aggression and disrespect at a certain point. And I don't want to have to put someone that has such a big ego in their place, sounds like a lot of head games to me, and confusing that could turn ugly and plain weird if we started making fun of eachother back and forth.

    In short bursts it's okay, but all the time is annoying and I can't keep up with it. I would say get a debate partner...

    That is I noticed recenly him confronting me on things... I don't like it so I told him, and he said he would be more sensitive.
    And then he said, he didn't know what else to say to me...

    Well at least he is being honest... I wonder what we can talk about? Its too hard now that I think about it. This is stressful.
    Why do some people seem to tease and want it thrown back at them?

    That is why I just don't bother talking... in the end. Can't get blamed that way. and I'll be darned if I will schooled by someone for some bs.
    You seem like you would be WAY more fitted for an INFJ or a less 'agressive' type... XNTJ's love to debate, it's a huge part of our personality and it works it's way in to everything we experience. This 'big ego' you percieve is just our passion for knowledge and our desire to back up what we percieve as right. By no means are we overly attached to our initial views and we have great admiration for those who can make us view things differently. This is why ENTJ's especially (they are a little more agressive with their views because of Te) are paired mainly with other 'T' types because they aren't too sensitive (ENTJ's can very easily offend an 'F' type without even realizing it) and they usually enjoy conversations (especially INTP,INTJ,ISTP). ENTJ's love to tease and be playful, it's how they express their love and its how they like to recieve affection (although it isn't the only way). If you're just going to 'not talk' then you might as well end it before he does... then atleast you'll feel like you ended it on top lol... Anyways, I guess there has been some positive feedback on the ENFP-ENTJ couple but personally i've found every ENFP of the oposite sex to be very difficult and annoying to talk to. But anyways, I'm just one ENTJ and this was only my opinion so yeah...take it with a grain of salt I s'pose.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silencio View Post
    You seem like you would be WAY more fitted for an INFJ or a less 'agressive' type... XNTJ's love to debate, it's a huge part of our personality and it works it's way in to everything we experience. This 'big ego' you percieve is just our passion for knowledge and our desire to back up what we percieve as right. By no means are we overly attached to our initial views and we have great admiration for those who can make us view things differently. This is why ENTJ's especially (they are a little more agressive with their views because of Te) are paired mainly with other 'T' types because they aren't too sensitive (ENTJ's can very easily offend an 'F' type without even realizing it) and they usually enjoy conversations (especially INTP,INTJ,ISTP). ENTJ's love to tease and be playful, it's how they express their love and its how they like to recieve affection (although it isn't the only way). If you're just going to 'not talk' then you might as well end it before he does... then atleast you'll feel like you ended it on top lol... Anyways, I guess there has been some positive feedback on the ENFP-ENTJ couple but personally i've found every ENFP of the oposite sex to be very difficult and annoying to talk to. But anyways, I'm just one ENTJ and this was only my opinion so yeah...take it with a grain of salt I s'pose.
    This is very true.


    I don't understand how you can not like the very things that make him who he is, and yet still expect to somehow have a relationships with him. Find an INFP or something

  4. #14
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    People can be forceful and direct but don't be rude about it to me at me, that is all I'm saying. Don't change for me, but don't ecpect it back in return either all the time. Because I don't operate that way. I don't mind if he is being playful debating and stuff. But when someone is rude to you. Its not fun. It makes me want to shut down, and not want to open up emotionally and express my vulnerable side. Get it.

    You can vent off about the world but don't take it out on me, in other words.
    And no I am not an INTP,INTJ or ISTP female. And I never will be, I can only be myself. I realize he will never be an INFJ, or INFP, of bla bla. I don't want him to be. It's just I don't want to get snarky with eachother, I don't think its cute or funny. I dislike sarcasm at a certain point, it makes me feel uncomfortable, but nothing deep is going to come out of that, for me. I don't like the way I feel about myself, if I have to engage in that kind of banter a lot. That is the main point, I feel like a phony, or some kind of a-hole. Not very feminine and compassionate.

    I have noticed with NTJ's that when we are around each other for extended periods of time we tend to get on each others nerves. We have a good time when we are relaxing together, or doing something pleasurable.

    You could be right about INFP/INFJ theory... in terms of communication for sure, you are right about the smooth flow. One's I have met ended in the friend zone however due to lack of physical attraction for me.

  5. #15
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    I believe a relationship is how the other person makes you feel about yourself. That is how you can measure it. And if that is congruent with how you want to develop as a person.

    For example. I want to become more compassionate and a better listener, I want to show my sensitive side, and grow, as well as make better decisions, care about people, be empathetic, show concern, but I have a rational view point on life at the same time in terms of science nature (not being a religious person.)

    Do you think it is possible for and NT and an NF to be together happy if the NF wants to feel appreciated for her sensitivity? I can be funny and sarcastic, but I see it more as a defense mechanism to uncovering the true me, and really expressing myself. Maybe that is why I dont like it. For ENTJs its real I guess, its not a defense?

    what does the entj want to be more like do you guys think? What do you want to improve about yourself? Do you like it when people ask you questions, or would you rather hear them talk about themselves or talk about theories, or things they are passionate about? Do you mind when people talk about personal things in their lives?

    maybe its introverted thinking people that can being out your passions

  6. #16
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    That is I noticed recenly him confronting me on things.
    What was he confronting you about?

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post

    I have noticed with NTJ's that when we are around each other for extended periods of time we tend to get on each others nerves. We have a good time when we are relaxing together, or doing something pleasurable.
    this has been my experience with every ENFP I have ever known.

  8. #18
    Senior Member JHBowden's Avatar
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    hermeticdancer--

    I'm sure there's a man that wants to share his thoughts about puppy dogs, rainbows, and ice cream with you!

    I agree with you completely about the confrontation. However, if you believe my first sentence above is confrontational, then you need a man that's emo and submissive. Just sayin'.

    He probably likes you because ENFPs are fun, without realizing there's a super serious melancholy side that comes with the initial purchase. Just give him the troof, and everything should work out.

  9. #19
    Luctor et emergo Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    I am dating an ENTJ and I am smitten. We have only known each other a couple of weeks so far but he makes my heart beat faster, and I think he is dreamy. I tend to forget what I want to say around him and my mind goes blank, I've never felt so unsure of myself before. I want to connect with him and get to know him better, he says he has trouble reading me, and I am mysterious, but that is because I am scared to mess it up. Does anyone have any advice on how to interact/date an ENTJ or what makes them happy?

    Should I come right out and ask him what he wants and needs or just go with the flow and have fun. He says he wants someone deep, to enjoy the good things in life with who is comfortable in herself... I just dont want him to get bored with me.
    If you're the woman in that photo, keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

    Not to unnecessarily alarm you, but he says he wants a woman who is comfortable in herself. Are you comfortable in yourself being mysterious and hard to read? And I'm sure if he's great you don't want to mess it up, but if you're totally honest and straightforward with him, you should be fine - things will naturally progress and develop as they are meant to.

    And if you're interesting you have nothing to worry about!

  10. #20
    Senior Member JHBowden's Avatar
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    Daniel Plainview is my hero.

    "When it comes to the showdown, they won't be there."

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