[INTJ] INTJ censoring your remarks

[HomerSoprano]

I have an INTJ father that can say almost anything to critzise someone else, even his own family. And he´s nearly 60 years old. He´s starting to realize that his untactful comments aren´t welcome anymore.

So my question is for INTJ´s in general. When did you realize that you have to think about what you say? Have you even realized this?

I know there are other MBTI types that can unintentionally insult people but imo INTJ´s are the worst.

 

[Bri]

My father is an INTJ also, and he has always been good about thinking before he speaks. So, I learned from his example. My INTJ brother seems to have learned by his example as well. It's not that we don't make mistakes now and then, but for the most part we all try to take a "you attract more flies with honey than vinegar" approach to life.

 

[ceecee]

I have an INTJ father that can say almost anything to critzise someone else, even his family. And he´s nearly 60 years old. He´s starting to realize that his comments aren´t welcome anymore.

So my question is for for INTJ´s in general. When did you realize that you have to think about what you say? Have you even realized this?

I know there are other MBTI types that can unintentionally insult people but imo INTJ´s are the worst.

When I was about 18 and realized that the shit that came out of my mouth could make life harder for me as well as draw unwanted attention to myself. I had to work on facial expression as well.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

My father is an INTJ also, and he has always been good about thinking before he speaks. So, I learned from his example. My INTJ brother seems to have learned by his example as well. It's not that we don't make mistakes now and then, but for the most part we all try to take a "you attract more flies with honey than vinegar" approach to life.

3 INTJs in one family? Are you sure? Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse...or the cause thereof?

 

[Oaky]

I was taught to have proper manners at a young age. I have therefore always found it immature and childish to call people names or insult them. Criticising is of course different and I expect people not to take it personally. Only to improve themselves. I do not criticise with the emotion of anger though. Destructiveness is the production of anger and hatred and getting things done with the emotion of anger means that one's perception of the world is faulty.

 

[Andy]

I have an INTJ father that can say almost anything to critzise someone else, even his family. And he´s nearly 60 years old. He´s starting to realize that his comments aren´t welcome anymore.

So my question is for for INTJ´s in general. When did you realize that you have to think about what you say? Have you even realized this?

I know there are other MBTI types that can unintentionally insult people but imo INTJ´s are the worst.

About 4 or 5 years old. It doesn't really take much working out.

 

[thescientist]

This past year I've become noticeably more tactful...mostly with strangers/acquaintances and friends. I'm 25. I think it's been MBTI related. Once you acquire a certain level of self-awareness you watch your words and actions more carefully.

Still working on it with family. I don't seem to censor myself with them at all.

 

[Haight]

My father is an INTJ also, and he has always been good about thinking before he speaks. So, I learned from his example. My INTJ brother seems to have learned by his example as well. It's not that we don't make mistakes now and then, but for the most part we all try to take a "you attract more flies with honey than vinegar" approach to life.

Wait a second . . . are you trying to convince us that you, your dad, and your brother are all INTJs? Are you aware that MBTI is non-hereditary and that the actual percentage of INTJs is minuscule? Moreover, do you know that the probability of something like that occurring one in one gazillion . . . at least?

No freaking way.

What type is your mom? No wait, I think I already know.

 

[Uytuun]

I have an INTJ father that can say almost anything to critzise someone else, even his family. And he´s nearly 60 years old. He´s starting to realize that his comments aren´t welcome anymore.

So my question is for for INTJ´s in general. When did you realize that you have to think about what you say? Have you even realized this?

I know there are other MBTI types that can unintentionally insult people but imo INTJ´s are the worst.

I'll think about what I say if you think about what I say.

 

[HomerSoprano]

Criticising is of course different and I expect people not to take it personally. Only to improve themselves. I do not criticise with the emotion of anger though. Destructiveness is the production of anger and hatred and getting things done with the emotion of anger means that one's perception of the world is faulty.

But critisism can also be presented in the wrong way. Like my dad can critisise someone just for the sake critisising. And critisism is not always welcome or neccesary. Which I´ve found INTJ´s have hard to understand.

 

[Fingers Superstar]

My ability to hold my tongue has gotten better as I've grown older, but I think it's more important to say things that no one else will, I have a strongly held principle of sometimes you just have to say what no one has the guts to.

But I'm still critical of people, just to keep them on their toes and stop them from slacking, truth is more important than anything else.

 

[Oddly Refined]

I've found that criticism comes naturally to me and I've worked fairly hard to learn to be tactful. Criticism should be constructive and delivered in an effective manner otherwise it defeats the point of delivering it in the first place. Blunt honesty isn't valued which I find frustrating, but there is a certain amount of responsibility given to the speaker in their delivery. I find myself actively holding back my entire personality when it comes to communication. That is intellectually tiring, but in the end my life is less dramatic because people are less offended. Most people can't handle brutal honesty and that's reality.

I come from a family of Ni dominance, but split on T/F. We have two INFJ's, an ENTJ, an XNTJ (myself), and an IXTJ. Family gatherings are a challenge...

 

[HomerSoprano]

But I'm still critical of people, just to keep them on their toes and stop them from slacking, truth is more important than anything else.

Thats´s fine with me as long as you´re their boss. Otherwise I´d think twice before opening my mouth because the truth can also go the othe way around which I´ve found INTJ to have problems with. In my opinion INTJ is the most socially inept of the 16 MBti types.

 

[JoSunshine]

I just have to make an observation that posters keep refencing "the truth". If it is something like a person saying, "two plus two is five" the truth is "No, the answer is four." I do believe that correcting something that is plainly incorrect is generally constructive and if the person receiving it is offended, it is probably an insecurity at play.

However, I suspect (perhaps incorrectly, I'm sure you will tell me if I am wrong ) that much of the "truth" you speak of is subjective and therefore an opinion or theory. I think much of the frustration for non-INTJs is feeling directed by the INTJ (you should do it this way becuase it is more efficient - but I like doing it the way becuase it's more fun - That's dumb.) or belittled by the INTJ for having a differing point of view (see previous example).

I had and INTJ SO for 9 years. We got along great for the most part, but his lack of tact and inability to just say, "OK do it your way" without micro-managing and criticizing definitely took a toll on our relationship. Of course, I am sure he would say my lack of "logic" was frustrating.

 

[Kra]

My family always placed a good deal of importance on manner/tact/savoir faire. I developed it rather naturally and early thanks to this.

I also realized that I do not ultimately know when I may require the assistance of another, and thus it would be wise to remain on pleasant terms with a large number of people. Since I'm not exactly a Fe adept, holding my tongue at times is pretty effective at preventing fallout, at the very least.

 

[Oddly Refined]

However, I suspect (perhaps incorrectly, I'm sure you will tell me if I am wrong ) that much of the "truth" you speak of is subjective and therefore an opinion or theory. I think much of the frustration for non-INTJs is feeling directed by the INTJ (you should do it this way becuase it is more efficient - but I like doing it the way becuase it's more fun - That's dumb.) or belittled by the INTJ for having a differing point of view (see previous example).

I had and INTJ SO for 9 years. We got along great for the most part, but his lack of tact and inability to just say, "OK do it your way" without micro-managing and criticizing definitely took a toll on our relationship. Of course, I am sure he would say my lack of "logic" was frustrating.

Your observations appear to be correct.

 

[InvisibleJim]

It took me a very long time to understand and utilize tact. On occasion I still lose my discretion when I shouldnt.