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Thread: INTPs and ISTJs

  1. #1
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    Default INTPs and ISTJs

    I checked the archive and did not find a thread on this topic. If it has been discussed before, here on in the ST forums, please let me know.

    I had to spend the last year working and living in close quarters with an ISTJ. We really and truly despised each other. We both found the other rude and abrasive, and when we were forced to interact we could find nothing to discuss. She is hyper-organized, responsible, and honestly I found her to be a good little sheep. If she ever had an original thought in her life I think I would fall over dead from shock. She is very status-conscious which is something I just don't understand, and very into whatever the media tells her she should be into.

    One day, she was talking about her plans for the future. Knowing that she had been a former ballerina and that she talked a great deal about dancing, I asked her if she'd ever thought about teaching ballet. After all, it's honest work and something she obviously enjoyed.

    She looked disgusted and said, "Are you kidding me? That is NOT how my life is going to end up."

    My reply was, "Well, I certainly hope your ballet teachers who spent the last 15 years teaching you their craft don't know you think so little of their profession."

    She was disgusted that I would suggest she become something so lowly as a ballet teacher. I was disgusted that she would think it was beneath her. Our priorities and thoughts were on such different levels that it was nearly impossible for us to communicate with each other without butting heads. Almost the only good thing I can say about her is that she was very responsible and that she would often volunteer to do things no one else wanted to do. I respected her for that. But on a personal level we just did not like each other.

    Is it common for INTPs and ISTJs to not get along? Or were we an unfortunate pair of an INTP and an ISTJ who just had no basis for friendship?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    You were an unfortunate pair. In my childhood I was an INTP and I learned a great deal from my dad who's an ISTJ. I don't often agree with him, but that's no basis for not liking him, I've got a great dad.

    EDIT

    Even more so, you weren't an unfortunate pair, it's not easy for a stereotypical INTP and stereotypical ISTJ to get along, but it's possible, you were a pair of typically stubborn people with different views.
    (removed)

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    Senior Member BlueGray's Avatar
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    I get along very well with many ISTJs.
    Ne > Ti > Si >> Te > Se >> Fe > Fi > Ni
    5 so/sp
    Chaotic Neutral/Evil

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    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I get along just fine with a lot of ISTJs. I sometimes run into issues with other SJ types, though.

    My sister is a wonderful and very funny ISTJ, and we've always gotten along really well.
    Something Witty

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    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    I know some very laidback ISTJ women IRL and I get on fine with them. We're not close or anything and don't connect particularly deeply, but I enjoy their company. There's an ISTJ woman at my work who I'd be happy to work with more. We have mutual trust and respect and complementary skills. We don't officially work together but we ask each other for advice fairly often. She's very calm, laidback and pragmatic and she's good at following processes. I go to her when I need advice on how to follow a particular process that I know she's done recently or to get some unemotional and impartial advice on how to handle particular people. She comes to me for advice when she needs a process to follow but none exists, so I make up steps for her to follow which she then dutifully writes down.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

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    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    ISTJ's came across as me as perfect behavior. They're super-reserve and strict. They're really responsible and some of them can probably lead a classroom as teenagers. However, I admit I have a difficult time with ISTJ's even more than ESFJ's who are my conflict relation. With ESFJ's, we have all the same functions meaning we can come to the same conclusion on things. There's mutual understand in each other.

    I see ISTJ's as relations of opposing. Introverted sensing, Extroverted thinking, and Introverted feeling. That means a lot of their interactions with me come across as them opposing me. Introverted sensing does what has always been done. They don't care about my Ne all that much about the grey areas. I find that incredibly difficult. If I were to describe in a different way, I'd be like if ISTJ's were referrers with penalty cards. I do something bad and I get busted. However, I try to talk my way out with Ti and Ne. ISTJ's deny my functions and penalty me anyways.

    According to socionics, this is benefit relation. ISTJ's are technically in a high ranking than me anyways. Boss to employee. Father and son. In benefit relations, it's hard for the low ranking status to work under the high ranking status. They reject my Ne and there is obviously no grey areas. I find them really difficult.

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    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    I wanted to add that I've meet different ISTJ's. I knew an ISTJ's that was perfect in their behavior. They probably could had lead a classroom at 15 years old. I knew one that was a really lazy coach potato that never amounted to anything. I felt comfortable with the second ISTJ.

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    I had a good ISTJ friend years ago, but we kinda drifted apart. But he wasnt the type of ISTJ that has 10 feet pole up in his ass, quite different of the stereotypical ISTJ in many other ways as well. I think him smoking weed and drinking quite much since he was like 13 made a quite big change in him and turned him into more laid back type of person, and he was pretty much the opposite of some perfect behavior ISTJ who could lead a classroom. Before we met he would for example get drunk and high in the middle of the week(when he was like 14-15 and supposed to be at school) and go look for fights, and started them if he couldnt find one otherwise. But he kinda grew out of it before he was 16, thanks to weed and other ways to channel his inner rage or what ever he had. I dont think we would had become so close if we didnt have mutual interest on things, and a big part of us drifting apart was that i didnt keep my interest so much, while he did.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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    Senior Member Frosty's Avatar
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    Dont know what I am but I know that generally ISTJs end up wanting to strangle me.

    Believe my brother is an ISTJ and he is always getting all pissy if I dont follow some rule. If I walk through an exit, dont cover my mouth when I cough, leave junk out, or talk on the phone too loud, he will come at me.


    He really has mellowed out these last few years though. Now while he still does have those little spaz out moments they are much less frequent. Guess it just comes with maturity. They are still there, but I suppose that just comes with having a strong Te.

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    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Me vs ISTJ is often pistols at dawn.

    This whole country is ISTJ obsessed. So many general knowledge quizzes od useless information. Plus the whole needing to fill out seventeen bits of paper to get a pen is maddening.

    Personally, bar a couple of individuals, I've argued with every ISTJ I've met. At some point their condescension and blind adherence to things they do not grasp gets my goat and I level at them. The June who stuck around is almost oblivious to this and we continue to have heated and in depth discussions though he is the man of the quote at one point "I don't want to discuss things with you anymore as you are capable of persuading me and I do not wish to be persuaded".

    As for the rest, leave them in accounting for sanity if nothing else.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?
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