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  1. #1
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Default What Compels An NT to Cheat?

    I know that NT's find the concept of cheating on a spouse to generally be repellant, but I know of two men, both ENTJ's, who continue to cheat on their spouses, all the while maintaining their marriages. I'm not looking to morally crucify these people, I was just curious as to what sort of conditions would have to be present for an NT to rationalize this? From my own viewpoint, I would rather tell the person I was in a relationship with that I wasn't satisfied with it, be upfront about it, and then end it, rather than persist with a marriage I was unhappy in. Would having children make a difference to them? Or is it an issue of being perceived as successful? That divorce would somehow reflect on them as a failure?

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    boredom

    and as an entj... knowing ur good enuff 2 get away w it

  3. #3
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    It's interesting that these are ENTJs. I think the ENTJ type is probably one of the "most likely to succeed" at managing more than one intimate relationship. Also, they're probably most likely to derive fulfillment at being able to manage the challenge of this.

    Maybe they're not really dissatisfied with their primary relationship? It could be that they knew or perceived their partner as having already cheated. A sudden lack of sexual desire might be perceived similarly. Or, maybe they rationalized that it was ok to challenge themself with another relationship as long as their partner didn't find out. (The "what they don't know can't hurt them" belief.)

    I think you're right in that having children would make them more likely to want to cheat rather than just end the relationship to avoid hurting the children. The "divorce equals failure" mentality might be a factor, depending on the individual's attitude towards marriage and divorce.

  4. #4
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I've also seen it with ENTJ's... it can be a bad thing, obviously, but I wouldn't too quickly leap to a conclusion that it's always bad, cos quite often an ENTJ marriage, if they pick the right person who's on their wavelength, is a bit of a business arrangement, a convenience thing, for both parties, and there's little love lost between them in the F type of way. Bit like the Clintons... so, they both have their fun and they both know about it, they both turn a blind eye for the sake of appearance/face etc, because in reality neither of them really needs the other to be completely faithful. But because image is important, they do expect each other to be discreet.

    I tend to go on the side of only seeing something as 'wrong' or 'bad' if someone's getting hurt by it. If nobody's getting hurt, and all parties are fully aware and going in with their eyes open, I don't see any harm in it.
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  5. #5
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    Dated an ENTJ before, and while being with him was fun, you do realise at the back of your head, he's constantly evaluating what he can get from you, and what he can get away with, and he gives accordingly. i.e. he sees you for what value he can get. While he may not be representative of all ENTJs;

    but if we extrapolate that to marriage... One cannot be everything to everyone. So perhaps to an ENTJ, the marriage fulfills some needs - status, image of success (family and career working well), stability for raising children with a partner who's able to help in his career/social life in some way. The affair merely fulfills other needs. Excitement. Challenge. Sex? And in some societies, the fact that a guy is maintaining a second family/affair adds to his social catchet, doesn't it. . . And if both partners do not know, what's the value in breaking up one of the relationships when you can have the best of both worlds, literally.

    But to be fair, I'm not certain one type is prone to cheating while other types are not?

  6. #6
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakuraba View Post
    boredom

    and as an entj... knowing ur good enuff 2 get away w it
    So, by "getting away with it", you mean not getting caught? Or even if you are caught, somehow managing to keep the first relationship in tact?

    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post

    I think you're right in that having children would make them more likely to want to cheat rather than just end the relationship to avoid hurting the children. The "divorce equals failure" mentality might be a factor, depending on the individual's attitude towards marriage and divorce.
    My closest friend is an ENTJ, and while her marriage is volatile, explosive and sometimes violent, she tells me that to divorce would be a failure. But a failure in her own eyes, or a failure in the eyes of others?

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I've also seen it with ENTJ's... it can be a bad thing, obviously, but I wouldn't too quickly leap to a conclusion that it's always bad, cos quite often an ENTJ marriage, if they pick the right person who's on their wavelength, is a bit of a business arrangement, a convenience thing, for both parties, and there's little love lost between them in the F type of way. Bit like the Clintons... so, they both have their fun and they both know about it, they both turn a blind eye for the sake of appearance/face etc, because in reality neither of them really needs the other to be completely faithful. But because image is important, they do expect each other to be discreet.

    I tend to go on the side of only seeing something as 'wrong' or 'bad' if someone's getting hurt by it. If nobody's getting hurt, and all parties are fully aware and going in with their eyes open, I don't see any harm in it.
    Thank you so much. See, this is why the NT perspective is so valuable to me, as it makes sense somehow even though it's not anything like my own. you were dead on about the "business arrangement" concept. As a matter of fact, I've had that exact phrase used on me by an ENTJ as their reasoning for pursuing a relationship, even though many other elements important to them were missing from it.

    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    Dated an ENTJ before, and while being with him was fun, you do realise at the back of your head, he's constantly evaluating what he can get from you, and what he can get away with, and he gives accordingly. i.e. he sees you for what value he can get. While he may not be representative of all ENTJs;

    but if we extrapolate that to marriage... One cannot be everything to everyone. So perhaps to an ENTJ, the marriage fulfills some needs - status, image of success (family and career working well), stability for raising children with a partner who's able to help in his career/social life in some way. The affair merely fulfills other needs. Excitement. Challenge. Sex? And in some societies, the fact that a guy is maintaining a second family/affair adds to his social catchet, doesn't it. . . And if both partners do not know, what's the value in breaking up one of the relationships when you can have the best of both worlds, literally.

    But to be fair, I'm not certain one type is prone to cheating while other types are not?
    A very good point - status and stability, or at least the appearance of it, seems to be extremely important in their family set up. So, what would induce a person to ever be "faithful" ( in the societal view of the term ) if one's value system was entirely removed from everyone else's, as it seems that social pressure and conforming to social norms have absolutely zero effect on them?

    Yes, to be fair, all types are prone to infidelity, because we're all human and have our own weaknesses to contend with. I've never cheated on anyone before, and I couldn't imagine myself doing it, but I wouldn't be arrogant enough to assume that I would be immune to it.
    Last edited by proteanmix; 11-18-2007 at 11:00 PM. Reason: merged posts

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    I dunno, but sometimes I cheat on my video games if I'm stuck and want to see what happens at the end of the story. If I cheat, I always cheat with the God mode (I do like the idea of killing but not dying).

  8. #8
    Senior Member Blackwater's Avatar
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    Maybe its just sexual malnutrition in the primary relationship?

    I generally do not think that infidelity has much to do with personality type, but some general trends could probably be derived from how the types handle their cheating. Some types have a hard time saying no to the good times, even if those times happen to be going on between the sheets (that would be ESFP/ ENFP/ ENFJ) and others have an easy time justifying their corrupt behavior through mock rationality (that would be the NTJs).
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  9. #9
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    You conveniently, and I believe inaccurately, left out the ENTP, Blackwater.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  10. #10
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    You conveniently, and I believe inaccurately, left out the ENTP, Blackwater.
    I noticed that too.

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