[NT] What Compels An NT to Cheat?

[FDG]

I am not sure that we can say that ENTJs have an higher frequency of cheating on their mates over every other type. In any case, trying to get in the minds of people that are of the same type as mine, I think the cause might be that in the initial part of their marriage they deluded themselves that the girl they were marrying was a very good match for them, purposefully ignoring their intuition that pointed towards that being the wrong choice. I think that we often have the problem of being blinded by beauty. It's a rather common problem among males, but I arrogantly feel like we ENTJs do not fear approaching very good looking girls without thinking that, if we do not check priorly for other factors of compatibility, we won't be happy in a relationship with them.

Fast forward to marriage, and that's what happens. This isn't to say that they're justified to do so, I was just exploring the mechanism (and I'm fortunate to be young and already know it so that I can avoid falling in the trap, though only due to prior dating experience that followed exactly the same pattern).

I believe the "image" side of the equation can be considered true for some ENTJs (enneagram 3s?), meaningless for others (enneagram 8s?).

Could I imagine myself cheating? Not anymore, but if I was as inexperienced as when I started dating girls, I would have very likely been caught in an unfulfilling relationship. "Caught" isn't even the right verb, given that the choice was purposeful, voluntary, and conscious.

Would I tell it to my spouse? First of all, even if I were to cheat, I would never ever develop an "affair" with another party. This unless the marriage was completely fake to begin with. In any case, the reason why I wouldn't be open about it would be the kids, if we had any. Otherwise, I would definitely be open.

Dated an ENTJ before, and while being with him was fun, you do realise at the back of your head, he's constantly evaluating what he can get from you, and what he can get away with, and he gives accordingly. i.e. he sees you for what value he can get. While he may not be representative of all ENTJs;

Yeah, I constantly think how many kisses I can get from a girl I'm going out with, and how many times I can touch her butt in public before she slaps me (or decides to continue less publicly...)

 

[Domino]

Yeah, I constantly think how many kisses I can get from a girl I'm going out with, and how many times I can touch her butt in public before she slaps me (or decides to continue less publicly...)

LOL!! I love this statement. Wrap it up, I'm taking it home.

 

[Roger Mexico]

Correct me, but aren't ENTJs the "field marshals"? They get serious kicks out of moving people around like chess pieces, right? Relationships have a gaming element to them more so than for other types?

Dissatisfaction with a monogamous relationship is probably a prerequisite for cheating on anyone's part. Why would you stray if you were getting everything you need already?

I'd think an ENTJ who viewed their marriage as the successful resolution of a game or project might get restless and need a new challenge. Not only do you have to seduce a new lover, you have to keep at least one of your partners from finding out about the other one, which entails all kinds of strategizing. That "got you where I want you" sensation seems like it would appeal to an ENTJ who enjoyed manipulating people.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I know that NT's find the concept of cheating on a spouse to generally be repellant, but I know of two men, both ENTJ's, who continue to cheat on their spouses, all the while maintaining their marriages. I'm not looking to morally crucify these people, I was just curious as to what sort of conditions would have to be present for an NT to rationalize this? From my own viewpoint, I would rather tell the person I was in a relationship with that I wasn't satisfied with it, be upfront about it, and then end it, rather than persist with a marriage I was unhappy in. Would having children make a difference to them? Or is it an issue of being perceived as successful? That divorce would somehow reflect on them as a failure?

I'm guessing all of them. For people to persist in their relationship, it must be affording them some advantage: kids, stability, reputation, acceptance. It may even be a way for them to spring into affairs, knowing that they don't have anything to lose by rejection, AND, that being in a marriage makes
the affair illicit and arousing. Maybe these guys are thinking: why ruin a good thing? It may not look good to us, but maybe it serves their needs just fine.

 

[FDG]

Correct me, but aren't ENTJs the "field marshals"? They get serious kicks out of moving people around like chess pieces, right? Relationships have a gaming element to them more so than for other types?

Dissatisfaction with a monogamous relationship is probably a prerequisite for cheating on anyone's part. Why would you stray if you were getting everything you need already?

I'd think an ENTJ who viewed their marriage as the successful resolution of a game or project might get restless and need a new challenge. Not only do you have to seduce a new lover, you have to keep at least one of your partners from finding out about the other one, which entails all kinds of strategizing. That "got you where I want you" sensation seems like it would appeal to an ENTJ who enjoyed manipulating people.

Bleh. Awesome RTS and turn-based strategy games are published every day and their usage does not entail the suffering of other people (except in multiplayer gaming, but that's their choice!), so IME it's better to focus our necessity for strategy towards them.

 

[GirlAmerica]

An ENTJ I know has a horrible marriage...her husband is a drug addict and a horrible provider....
she still has yet to leave him because of their young children...and never even considered cheating while they are still married.

She has a step plan in progress to get out, but is rushing nothing.

 

[teen rose]

Dated an ENTJ before, and while being with him was fun, you do realise at the back of your head, he's constantly evaluating what he can get from you, and what he can get away with, and he gives accordingly. i.e. he sees you for what value he can get. While he may not be representative of all ENTJs;

but if we extrapolate that to marriage... One cannot be everything to everyone. So perhaps to an ENTJ, the marriage fulfills some needs - status, image of success (family and career working well), stability for raising children with a partner who's able to help in his career/social life in some way. The affair merely fulfills other needs. Excitement. Challenge. Sex? And in some societies, the fact that a guy is maintaining a second family/affair adds to his social catchet, doesn't it. . . And if both partners do not know, what's the value in breaking up one of the relationships when you can have the best of both worlds, literally.

But to be fair, I'm not certain one type is prone to cheating while other types are not?

ENTJs and ESTPs def. cheat alot. I think ESTJs too.