[NT] Do you have a lot of friends?

[Riva]

How would anyone of you people define a friendship?

1)Do you define it as a person who knows about you more than others do?

2)Do you define it as a person whom you trust the most?

3)Do you define it as a person whom you could depend on?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Simply, no.

There are some people who think I do have, as I do spend some time with my friends every now and then, and there seems to be enough company for me at all times.

They've neglected to see how many friends other people have. Those who really live for many friends and not much else, those people have just that what they live for: an abundance of friends. Logical, yes?

 

[BerberElla]

No, I have 2 very close friends and a few close but yet far friends. I find juggling too many friendships quite stressing.

In my life I've never had more than 2 close friends at a time, people I consider family and love dearly enough to commit to them in that way.

If the friendship has depth it's a friendship, if I try to share that depth with too many people it eventually makes me cut everyone out of my life due to the stress of it all.

 

[BerberElla]

How would anyone of you people define a friendship?

1)Do you define it as a person who knows about you more than others do?

2)Do you define it as a person whom you trust the most?

3)Do you define it as a person whom you could depend on?

In order: 2, 3, 1 for me. 2 needs to come first before I would even think of depending on them, and before I could reveal all of myself.

 

[Riva]

In order: 2, 3, 1 for me. 2 needs to come first before I would even think of depending on them, and before I could reveal all of myself.

Well for me it is the (3) (2) (1)

 

[tibby]

Yeah, people come and go and I don't mind so much, but I've always been a few friends or one friend kind of person, and they're ones that stick.

 

[Lux]

How would anyone of you people define a friendship?

1)Do you define it as a person who knows about you more than others do?

2)Do you define it as a person whom you trust the most?

3)Do you define it as a person whom you could depend on?

For me it's: 2, 3, 1.

In a true friendship, trust is the most important factor for me.
It's nice to be able to depend on people but I usually don't.
I don't think anyone (maybe my husband) knows more about me than I do.

 

[Phantonym]

For me it's: 2, 3, 1.

In a true friendship, trust is the most important factor for me.
It's nice to be able to depend on people but I usually don't.
I don't think anyone (maybe my husband) knows more about me than I do.

Scratch the husband part and I agree. And I don't think that even I know myself that well. Hm, still more than the rest of the world.

 

[Riva]

Dhammapadaya

Arogya parama laba
Santuni parama danan
vissasaya parma Kathi
Nibbana parama sukam

Good health is the highest gain
Contentment is the greatest wealth
Trustworthy ones are the best kinsmen
Nibbana is the highest Bliss.

 

[human101]

my trust in friendships was destroyed in high school because i basically got bullied throughout high school but towards the end the only close friend i had who i had known since i was toddler decided to join in, before this i was a fairly balanced introvert with quite a few friends, i've kept everyone i know at a distance since then.

 

[thisGuy]

i have people in my life that i have opened up to...5-6 close mofos...then of course the networked contacts

though lately im finding that the more i open up to people, the closer we get. N/S doesn't come into play tooo much. though Ns, for me, are way easier to talk to...im pretty sure my S buddies think the same about me

 

[miss fortune]

I have a few close friends and quite a few acquaintances... I've never seen a reason to have a ton of friends... too much sharing of myself for my tastes.

A few good ones are all that anyone could ask for- and they're good

 

[Charmed Justice]

How would anyone of you people define a friendship? I consider a person my friend if they have long-term access to positive attention and energy coming from me. The more focused and involved, and especially the more sustained those things are, the closer I consider the friendship.

Do you define it as a person who knows about you more than others do?....and accepts me in spite of and because of what they know. Further, they care to know more. There's a mutual commitment to the possibilities of our connection.

Do you define it as a person whom you trust the most?Trust with my inner world and me with theirs.

Do you define it as a person whom you could depend on?Interdependence of some kind and to some degree is often a byproduct of the connection. So in a way, yes.

 

[redsox44344]

I have a small amount of very close friends, maybe 1-4 depending on the circumstances. I tend to hang out with them more than others and am able to confide in each of them a little, which I don't do with others.

I have a large range of acquaintances and groups of friends that I will hang out with from time to time, just to keep my opportunities open in case one group of friends doesn't fit well with the activity that I would like to do that day. It's all subjective in terms of when I would like to hang out with these people, however, and how much I will want to.

 

[Valiant]

I have thousands of acquaintances that I know by name, and I have three or four friends that I would dare call close.

 

[Orangey]

Nope. I don't have a lot of friends. Never have.

 

[Totenkindly]

I know a lot of people and feel like they would call me a friend... but even the people I feel close to, I still feel distant from much of the time.

 

[LucrativeSid]

I use the term friend more lightly than most people, I think. To avoid confusion, I'd say that I have about 5 or 6 friends who would be what most people consider real friends. On top of that, there's probably another 20 or so people who I'd still consider a friend, just not quite as close, and another 40 or so who most people would call acquaintances, but who I still consider to be friends.

It's easy to be my friend. I don't really care about deep trust, loyalty, commitment, or attachment. Sometimes those things become an important part of the relationship, and I'm not against it when it happens naturally, I'm just saying that it's not a requirement. Why? Because with most people, all I care about is the mutual enjoyment of our relationship, however our relationship is defined. It doesn't matter how deep or shallow our relationship is, we're both part of it because we both want to be, and there's no hidden stipulations or unnecessary commitments. We're free to come and go as we please.

For example, I don't need the guy I play guitar with a few times a year to keep secrets for me or to drive me to work if my car breaks down in order to enjoy our relationship. I don't have secrets - If I share something with someone, I have no fear of it leaking out, and I already have people who would help me in a time of need, (as I would for them). But even if I didn't... who cares? I'm not friends with people so they can do stuff for me. If I need help, I can just accept help from the next friendly stranger, coworker, or acquaintance, make a deal with someone, or simply pay somebody to help me. No big deal. I live in such a friendly environment that I don't ever worry that the few needs I have won't be met. (That's partially because of my attitude, too, I suppose.)

 

[Uytuun]

but even the people I feel close to, I still feel distant from much of the time.

same

I don't think I have a friend in the sense that I would define friend...perhaps my conception of friendship is a little too idealistic, though.

 

[Totenkindly]

I don't think I have a friend in the sense that I would define friend...perhaps my conception of friendship is a little too idealistic, though.

I don't even know what my expectation is.

Rationally, I have shared a lot of information with some people and trust them, and they return the favor; and we seem to very much like each other and enjoy spending time or talking together; but it's like I just want to be 100% in sync with someone and FEEL close/intimate and that rarely happens, it always feels like it has distance involved.

There are definitely a lot of people who give and exchange goodwill with me, though.