[ENTJ] ENTJs & stress

[Noel]

My girlfriend is exhibiting signs of mental/physical stress. She has been experiencing feelings of nausea, difficulty in both sleeping and eating and can't seem to get rid of her anxiety towards the future. Her anxiety being: Where am I going to live and with whom?, am I going to be able to pay off my loans?, where am I going to find a new job?, will they call me back and hire me?

Certainly these are common concerns but the one in italics at the moment has literally consumed her life. She applied for a state directorial childcare service and has been notified that they would like to interview her again. They are going to interview her next Wednesday and then she'll know on the following Monday after that her status with them.

I suggested to her that whilst I understand your desire to succeed/have a good career, your anxiety is making you miss out on the present: a clean apartment, sending her computer off to get fixed, hanging out, me.

I ran an experiment to see if it was anxiety/stress related by distracting her using methods such as kissing her, talking to her, touching her, etc. She reacted normal, normal as in herself, but as soon as silence or inaction occurred, within minutes, I could see that she was going back into her head and feelings of nausea, stress/anxiety, weakness would overcome her. Fortunately, she isn't (and hopefully, never will) dependent on me. Dependent, in the sense that she can not function without me.

Focusing on present, coupled with a mutual suggestion of starting a list and slowly tackling it one day at a time seems to alleviate things (for the moment?)?


So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

 

[Maverick]

So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

 

[Noel]

First off, Maverick, you rock.

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

For the first time in her life, she feels as if she is no longer in control. Her life was so structured before e.g. Go to school (out of state), go to internship, study, exams, go back home (in state), repeat. She has the "not give a fuck" attitude when it comes to being honest towards other people, but as you suggested, I don't think she is honest with herself in regards to what's realistic.

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

She works with kids and teaches them healthy lifestyles, which includes meditation. I think she wants to try meditation. Hmm, peace of mind from an TeNi perspective - fascinating. This is good stuff.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

Wow, I may have to reiterate this quote to her if you don't mind. This is fantastic. I'm about to see The Winter's Tale with her in a few minutes, so I'll let you know how this goes. Again, I appreciate the great (quick) response.

 

[GirlAmerica]

My best friend is an ENTJ, diagnosed with cancer. She is mortified and now living like she is dying and making matters so much worse. It is horrible to watch. She is making herself physically sick over it....and it is distracting her from what she needs to do to be positive in tackling it.
It is making the entire experience a nightmare for all involved, including the medical staff. She is using horribly strong language, is very graphic and just down right freaking mean sometimes.

It makes it difficult to want to call her sometimes, no matter how much I care or how much I love her.

 

[sakuraba]

i dont getr very stressed

 

[LadyJaye]

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

This is very profound advice. My best friend, an ENTJ, gets wild around the eyes when she feels like she can't control anything that's going on around her, and she hasn't completely learned how to dissiminate between issues that are worth asserting rightness over and which she needs to let go of. She tells me frequently that she can't tear her mind away from the situation that's tormenting her until she's fixed it somehow.

I'd like to add, though, that everyone can have stress and anxiety about the future, because it's all uncharted terrain, and that can be a very daunting concept sometimes. Do you think she would be amenable to anxiety counseling of some kind? I had significant stress after I was diagnosed with lupus, but it felt natural for me to lean toward meditation and "letting go", and I know that with NT's, the concept of letting go in and of itself can be horrifying.

 

[Noel]

Though it maybe a bit premature to she how she acts overtime, she seems much more relaxed in general and found your advice quite helpful, Maverick. Again, I greatly appreciate your insight.


(We) Thank you.

 

[armstrongvk12]

My girlfriend is exhibiting signs of mental/physical stress. She has been experiencing feelings of nausea, difficulty in both sleeping and eating and can't seem to get rid of her anxiety towards the future. Her anxiety being: Where am I going to live and with whom?, am I going to be able to pay off my loans?, where am I going to find a new job?, will they call me back and hire me?

Certainly these are common concerns but the one in italics at the moment has literally consumed her life. She applied for a state directorial childcare service and has been notified that they would like to interview her again. They are going to interview her next Wednesday and then she'll know on the following Monday after that her status with them.

I suggested to her that whilst I understand your desire to succeed/have a good career, your anxiety is making you miss out on the present: a clean apartment, sending her computer off to get fixed, hanging out, me.

I ran an experiment to see if it was anxiety/stress related by distracting her using methods such as kissing her, talking to her, touching her, etc. She reacted normal, normal as in herself, but as soon as silence or inaction occurred, within minutes, I could see that she was going back into her head and feelings of nausea, stress/anxiety, weakness would overcome her. Fortunately, she isn't (and hopefully, never will) dependent on me. Dependent, in the sense that she can not function without me.

Focusing on present, coupled with a mutual suggestion of starting a list and slowly tackling it one day at a time seems to alleviate things (for the moment?)?


So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

Some of your suggestions are GREAT! I find exercising DAILY to be helpful. I will also read, watch movies and/or work on the computer to take my mind off worries. Since NTs are in their heads...you can't really shut that part off. So if she makes a list of things that need to be completed (as you stated previously)...and just do one thing per hour...or every time a commercial comes on the TV?? That way...she is being productive....and can still be in her head. Some of what you're saying actually sounds like it is age related issues...since she isn't established and is worrying. Much of this will work itself out...as she ages. Hope everything worked out!

 

[miked277]

A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck"

hrm, i may be able to help them w/ this specific skill. i've had years of practice and first hand experience

 

[hotmale]

I've noticed with my ENTJ sister that during the times when she is particularly stressed, she tends to go out more and hang out with her friends instead of burying herself in her work.

 

[marm]

I've noticed with my ENTJ sister that during the times when she is particularly stressed, she tends to go out more and hang out with her friends instead of burying herself in her work.

My ENTJ dad needs a lot of socializing outlets to let off steam. It seems the only way he can get his mind off of things. At the same time, he over-commits himself to social activities and increases his stress.

 

[PurpleCloud]

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

I totally agree. The main question for an ENTJ is always "Can I REALISITACLLY do something about it?", if the answer is no. . . we have to learn to deal with it.

 

[armstrongvk12]

I totally agree. The main question for an ENTJ is always "Can I REALISITACLLY do something about it?", if the answer is no. . . we have to learn to deal with it.

I completely agree! Sometimes....I realize that I can't realistically do anything about a problem, yet I can't seem to actually let go of the solution. Just one of those things that I need to work on.

 

[PurpleCloud]

I completely agree! Sometimes....I realize that I can't realistically do anything about a problem, yet I can't seem to actually let go of the solution. Just one of those things that I need to work on.

Hey! We can't be entirely perfect ! We'll all get the hang of identifying when we can or cannot control things. . . eventually, hehe.

 

[sammy]

So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

Thank goodness you asked this question all those months ago, Noel!

The responses here have clarified a lot of what I'm trying to figure out.

 

[Rasputin]

Yes, it's very difficult for me to let go of the solution and the goal, in the distant sense. I imagine where I want to be or how I want things to be, and even though I know it may take years of development for things to get to that point, I was results, now. The only immediate result of this is that I come down on myself for not acheiving the results I wanted in a shorter timeframe, which either leads to me getting stressed out and angry, or discouraged. What I need to do is find way to focus more on the moment, and each appreciate each successive step of success that I acheive along the way. And sometimes, there is the need to not need everything to be a certain way. It belies a disatisfaction with life that I need to have everything just a certain way in order to be satisfied with it. I'm actually trying to start meditating on a regular basis, to drive my focus on the moment, but it's difficult to find motivation to (without it being just another thing I have to do) since my schedule is so busy right now.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I'm really stressed out. and I don't really know what to do. I need my next adrenaline hit NOW.

.... I feel like I don't have control, and I gotta play this game to get it back. I HATE playing games. so I refuse to do that.

I must focus on the goal, and not the process.... MUST GET THINGS DONE!! I'll feel good when I'm done.
FUCK IT.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

gosh darn it man!

 

[Vie]

Being stressed out gives me the illusion that I'm losing control, which in turn makes me "loose my shit", as I become a raving mad lunatic trying to find my place again. When stressed, the only thing I can do is apply copious amounts of deodorant, choke back half a bottle of Tums, and begin to bark out orders as I scramble about. It's not healthy and it although everything I need gets done, I tend to alienate people in the process. The stress consumes me.

The only advice I can give, as I've grown up, is to exercise A LOT. A lot of people don't understand how spending time doing something that isn't necessarily productive in getting rid of the stress is helpful, but it clears my head and allows me to think straight. After I run for a couple of miles, pushing myself to go as fast as possible, it's like the clouds part and suddenly the stress is manageable again and no longer consuming everything in my life.

 

[mrcockburn]

My girlfriend is exhibiting signs of mental/physical stress. She has been experiencing feelings of nausea, difficulty in both sleeping and eating and can't seem to get rid of her anxiety towards the future. Her anxiety being: Where am I going to live and with whom?, am I going to be able to pay off my loans?, where am I going to find a new job?, will they call me back and hire me?

Certainly these are common concerns but the one in italics at the moment has literally consumed her life. She applied for a state directorial childcare service and has been notified that they would like to interview her again. They are going to interview her next Wednesday and then she'll know on the following Monday after that her status with them.

I suggested to her that whilst I understand your desire to succeed/have a good career, your anxiety is making you miss out on the present: a clean apartment, sending her computer off to get fixed, hanging out, me.

I ran an experiment to see if it was anxiety/stress related by distracting her using methods such as kissing her, talking to her, touching her, etc. She reacted normal, normal as in herself, but as soon as silence or inaction occurred, within minutes, I could see that she was going back into her head and feelings of nausea, stress/anxiety, weakness would overcome her. Fortunately, she isn't (and hopefully, never will) dependent on me. Dependent, in the sense that she can not function without me.

Focusing on present, coupled with a mutual suggestion of starting a list and slowly tackling it one day at a time seems to alleviate things (for the moment?)?


So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

Well, you can't fondle and kiss her forever. Stress is a normal part of life, and a great motivator to take action. In other words, I use my anxiety as fuel. If she's still functioning enough to fix the problems in her life, leave her to do so. The weakness/nausea/anxiety will be a constant reminder for her to just get to it. Sometimes it can get so bad, she can't sleep. Good. Instead of staring at the ceiling, get up and get on Craigslist to search for rooms or apartments.

It's how I get things done.