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Thread: INTJ Turn Ons

  1. #141
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Two Point Two View Post
    A Fi dom is theoretically in a very good position to appeal to an INTJ, who has tertiary Fi and is therefore childlike and innocent in exactly the function that most defines your identity.

    I recommend not being anything other than yourself.
    ^^^ This reflects an understanding that took me a while to achieve.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Fack.

    Okay guys thanks for your input. Could someone explain to me in a bit more detail why my Fi dom would be so appealing?
    Here's the deal. Ever notice how INTJs will be so serious, and then, just for a moment, just among friends, or maybe if they think no one is looking, they become extremely silly?

    There is kind of an "inner INFP" in most INTJs (proportionate to how well Fi is developed). The way an INTJ's emotions work are very very similar to an INFP's, with one singular exception: INTJ's wall off their emotional selves from interacting with the world, which makes these emotional selves very childlike and easily hurt. (The emotions rely on the wall to keep from being hurt, rather than develop resiliency of their own. This same wall gives an outward appearance of emotionlessness and a general lack of empathy.)

    This inner self loves listening to music, enjoying art, indulges in wild fantasy (though the specific kinds of music/art/fantasy/play are unique to the individual), and in general is very laid back and relaxed. We INTJs keep it locked in kind of a playground inside our heads. We're afraid that if we let it out, disaster will occur. When we do let it out, disaster often does occur, usually in the form of very hurt feelings, or neglecting essential responsibilities that have material consequences. This inner child is often very happy and loving, but irresponsible and easily hurt.

    Thus, when we see you act all INFP, we see a kindred spirit, whom we admire all the more for being unafraid to express yourself. We would usually not make the choices you make, but we would like to. In a way, you give us permission to, for good or ill.

    So you really don't need to change yourself to attract an INTJ guy. Mostly, you just need to be a bit more forward, because he won't chase you. Just be your sparkly self. Let yourself be fun and weird, and he'll probably get you, completely. (This was the turning point of my understanding of INFPs in MBTI ... I thought I ought to understand the INTPs and INFJs better, but I really didn't ... but I fully understood the INFP approach, no matter how random and illogical ... in spite of my own personal very logical non-randomness.)

    The main problem you'll have is he will NOT be very demonstrative toward you unless you make him feel safe. Yes, I said "feel." Think in terms of gently coaxing that inner child out. And when that inner Fi self comes out to play, be very gentle, for those feelings are not as experienced as yours. Be careful not to emotionally dump on him, especially in this state, because he's vulnerable. Do your emotional venting when his more robust Ni/Te is in play.

    Interestingly, the converse applies, with your Te vs his Te dom. When you have trouble reaching his Fi, just be patient and go through his mind, instead, via Te.

  2. #142
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitzy
    guys like bitches. nice is boring
    Yeah that's true for like 5 minutes, after that, bitches get boring.

  3. #143
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    If there is an existing attraction there, even a spark, first and foremost you must gain their trust.

    Once they trust you, they let you in, and they become more of themselves and show you who they really are.

    And, if you like who they really are, make it KNOWN.

    Subtleties aside, (which are very important in all mating dances), when an INTJ says something witty, or insightful, and, or impresses the hell out of you, LET THAT BE KNOWN!!!

    Respond and react to what you believe to be his positively unique qualities that make him different than most people.

    I don't know about y'all, but INTJs can be very shocking in how they act, in how they think, in how they perceive, and I do mean shocking in the very best way possible!!!

    Oh, yes, and...

    Please, please, please, be SINCERE!!!

    A sincere smile, laugh, look, I believe, go a loooooong way for an INTJ.

    I think this type is often misunderstood by the general populous, so, when a girl/guy actually picks up what they're putting down, and..

    APPRECIATES IT!?!?!?!!!

    Well, I can only make an assumption, here, but I think this turns them on, not so much sexually, per se, but more humanly/spiritually, if that makes sense.

    Listen to them, and I mean truly listen, and digest, then discuss and ask questions.

    Show them that you are truly intrigued by, and interested in what they have to say about whatever it is they are wax philosophizing about.

    Kk, that's all for now.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  4. #144
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Yeah that's true for like 5 minutes, after that, bitches get boring.
    Some guys love bitches, hahahaha, otherwise my ESTJ sister would never have boyfriends. :P
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #145
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Some guys love bitches, hahahaha, otherwise my ESTJ sister would never have boyfriends. :P
    I presume they're all short-term relationships, right?
    We're all partly animals, and sexual desire is motivating 'til a certain point, but I don't see how it's still exciting after sex.

  6. #146
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    I presume they're all short-term relationships, right?
    We're all partly animals, and sexual desire is motivating 'til a certain point, but I don't see how it's still exciting after sex.
    Nope, she is a serial monogamist.

    Her significant relationships span for one to three years, which is a pretty decent track record.

    Though, she is a party animal, she is also a hard worker, but, most importantly, she is a HARDCORE BITCH!!!

    So, my point is, that though many of us, including myself, find bitchiness to be abhorrent or at the very least a turn off, some men are down for that shit.



    Different strokes, man..

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #147
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    If there is an existing attraction there, even a spark, first and foremost you must gain their trust.
    The lady knows what she's talking about.

    Once they trust you, they let you in, and they become more of themselves and show you who they really are.
    Yes and no. This is a key xxFx mistake. You get to know the part of us that we keep hidden. It is only "part" of who we really are.

    Never ever forget that our "colder" rational side is also who we really are, often much more so than our emotional side. We spend our time exercising our logic and reason, and take great pride in these accomplishments.
    And, if you like who they really are, make it KNOWN.
    [pronoun "he" used for convenience]

    Absolutely. Most INTJs haven't a clue how to read emotional cues. If he's not reacting and you think you're sending a gazillion "clues", just stop with the clues and tell him point blank.

    A general warning I give to most non-INTJs looking to find love with an INTJ, go through his mind, first. Show respect for what he thinks and how he thinks. This isn't necessarily as formal and boring as you might think: for instance, if he drops a subtle pun, groan loudly in appreciation. Or even better, pun right back and earn even more respect that way.

    This more mental mutual appreciation is precisely how to earn his emotional trust, and he might reveal aspects of his Fi, and maybe even act silly in front of you.

    (Punning, in fact, is one way where the the Te side lets the Fi side peek through. It's our Fi being silly, but it comes out in a dry, intellectual Te way.)

    Subtleties aside, (which are very important in all mating dances), when an INTJ says something witty, or insightful, and, or impresses the hell out of you, LET THAT BE KNOWN!!!

    Respond and react to what you believe to be his positively unique qualities that make him different than most people.
    Good advice, with another caveat. Figure out his "Love Languages" (google it). In all likelihood, it doesn't include words of praise/affirmation. In general, it is very difficult to give INTJs compliments, because it invokes their INTJ-ness in the extreme: we analyze the compliment and try and figure out what it objectively means, rather than simply appreciate it as an expression of affection.

    For example, "Wow, you're smart," will likely invoke a reaction like, "If you thought the really obvious thing I just said means I'm smart, you must be really dumb."

    I'm not kidding. I have a hard time suppressing this reaction in myself. (No, I don't say it out loud ... I think before I speak ... but I mean the emotional reaction. I have to tell myself that they're just trying to be nice, and aren't being dumb or sarcastic - that it's just a different mode of expression.)

    SillySapienne's advice to "respond and react" means just that. Let's say he says something really intelligent that you appreciate, rather than just say "That was really intelligent and wise," instead say, "You mentioned <intelligent thing that you appreciate>. I wonder if you might tell me more about that?" Find those things you find fascinating, and get him to talk about those. It'll put his Te into overdrive. He won't even be talking about himself, but rather an idea that you just told him you both find interesting. It lets him be extroverted for a bit, talking about something he's completely confident about.

    I don't know about y'all, but INTJs can be very shocking in how they act, in how they think, in how they perceive, and I do mean shocking in the very best way possible!!!


    Oh, yes, and...

    Please, please, please, be SINCERE!!!

    A sincere smile, laugh, look, I believe, go a loooooong way for an INTJ.
    The lady knows what she's talking about!

    To be a bit more specific, expressing "sincerity" to an INTJ involves way more Fi than Fe. It's about sharing your happiness with him, not trying to "make sure he's happy." The latter is a turn-off.

    I think this type is often misunderstood by the general populous, so, when a girl/guy actually picks up what they're putting down, and APPRECIATES IT.

    Well, I can only make an assumption, here, but I think this turns them on, not so much sexually, per se, but humanly/spiritually, if that makes sense.
    Makes sense to me.

    Even those of us who are highly sexed have very high standards for our partners. We need to be able to respect who you are as a person, not merely feel affection. By demonstrating that you "get us", you earn a huge amount of respect and affection, which, intertwined, is love.

    Listen, and I mean truly listen, and digest, then discuss and ask questions.

    Show them that you are truly intrigued by, and interested in what they have to say about whatever it is they are wax philosophizing about.
    Oh, I didn't spot this before making my point above. I'll leave my point for emphasis.

    Damn, this lady really knows what she's talking about.

  8. #148
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    If there is an existing attraction there, even a spark, first and foremost you must gain their trust.

    Once they trust you, they let you in, and they become more of themselves and show you who they really are.

    Good advice! If you can get them to become silly, that is a very good sign.

    And yes! Please be honest. Everything is easier when everyone is honest.

  9. #149
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Just a thought



    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyf7mjQ7mCc&feature=related"]Worms[/YOUTUBE]

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