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  1. #601
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenon View Post
    Can you provide an example of "super Te directness"? I prefer direct to indirect communication, and I've been called direct myself, but there are things I will not appreciate hearing no matter how they're said. I think the same is true for everyone.

    If I get offended at something someone said, it's usually because I think they're making an incorrect or unfair assumption about me (especially about my knowledge or level of understanding) or because they're telling me what to do or acting like they know what's good for me better than I do. Not because they're "too direct." I can't think of anything anyone's said that pissed me off, that would have gotten a better reaction if only they'd been more subtle. (Unless they were so subtle I didn't even pick up on their message...but then what's the point?)
    Well, I am meeting with an INTP friend on Tuesday to try and help him with his ex-gf situation. And he's botched it up so bad that there is really only one solution to his mess and I am not sure how receptive he will be to hearing it.

  2. #602
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Well, I am meeting with an INTP friend on Tuesday to try and help him with his ex-gf situation. And he's botched it up so bad that there is really only one solution to his mess and I am not sure how receptive he will be to hearing it.
    Well, if I were in such a situation, all I can say for sure is that being indirect isn't going to help matters. I may just plain not like what you have to say 'cause I don't want to do it, but that'll be the case whether you're direct or indirect.

    Looking back on the times people were direct with me, I do appreciate it because I read it as a form of respect, as long as they don't seem condescending or pushy. It's made me think, this person thinks I can handle the truth and they're giving it to me as they see it. I like that.

  3. #603
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenon View Post
    Well, if I were in such a situation, all I can say for sure is that being indirect isn't going to help matters. I may just plain not like what you have to say 'cause I don't want to do it, but that'll be the case whether you're direct or indirect.

    Looking back on the times people were direct with me, I do appreciate it because I read it as a form of respect, as long as they don't seem condescending or pushy. It's made me think, this person thinks I can handle the truth and they're giving it to me as they see it. I like that.
    Ok Thank you! I shall go for the direct, here is what I see, route.

  4. #604
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Ok Thank you! I shall go for the direct, here is what I see, route.
    Yea seriously, man. This is how I approach INTPs and (@Xenon) they do seem to appreciate it. I've seen them show respect back too.

    Direct. INTPs can be powerhouses of intellectual horsepower. Kinda like standing up to an ENTJ. They think through your every action and weigh it against their intellect. So just the right amount of boldness should get you there, governed by feeling their level of acceptance .

    Edit: Both will probably respect you yet for different reasons.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  5. #605
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Directness has always worked well in my experience with INTPs. Though it took me quite a few years to learn to do this with my husband... I had no idea how hard it was to offend him. Stuff that would make me want to hide under the covers, he just accepts with this nonchalant chillness that I could only dream of attaining.
    However there are some things that I know would offend him, unless It seems necessary to bring up I avoid them. We have had some very involved discussions, delicately worked, weaving around issues highly charged for us both. At those times, talking to him can be like dancing through a fucking minefield. The tiniest hint of an an attempt to manipulate his thoughts or actions and *BOOM*

    ... I don't actually know what if anything I'm responding to here. ah well.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  6. #606
    Anew Leaf
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    How are INTPs on forgiveness?

  7. #607
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    How are INTPs on forgiveness?
    I'm good, I think. I try to take into account their historical, their intentions, and how much regard they seem to have for me.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  8. #608
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    If they say/signal they're sorry it's basically over and done with. Otherwise I can have the unforgiving memory of an elephant.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  9. #609
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    That's a bit broad. I'll give the unhelpful answer and say it depends. If we think you're being stupid and you eventually come around on some issue or behavior, I think it's typically met with a considerable amount of understanding, almost in a condescending way. As though you couldn't help yourself, you weren't thinking clearly, etc, so no big deal. You were clearly in the grips of a certain kind of madness.

    On the other hand, actual malice or playing with their hearts may result in the "sudden disappearance." Poof. Gone [to Mars]. They'll just close the book, so to speak, and it can seem abrupt because they may not be letting others on to what they're thinking.

    I'd say it has a lot to do with the essence of the relationship. INTP men seem to take a startling amount of abuse in relationships but their friendships must be stress free or they don't even bother. Not so sure on the wimminz. They women seem a little more self-assured and better put together with regards to their emotional needs, in my observation.



  10. #610
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    I tend to forgive easily. I don't forget. People's past behaviour can tell you a lot about them, and this can be important information for interpreting their behaviour in the future, or making decisions about where I stand with them.

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