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Thread: Mother of NT's

  1. #21
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ... that's always a fun one.

    My mom doesn't go the guilt route, it's too complex a behavior for her. She DOES do insane things in terms of giving her money and time to people, and she's dreadfully hurt if you deny her... but she doesn't try to create guilt and seems very unconscious about the impact her giving can have on people who didn't want it.

    Because she's so naive and DOESN'T purposefully try to create guilt, I still end up feeling guilt when she goes off and tries to cry to herself in private because I rejected her help in some way... I feel like I have bitch-slapped an eight-year-old who just wanted to help me and I was a mean ingrate about things just because I felt her help was inappropriate, unhelpful, or just wanted her to keep her resources for herself for once.
    Ouch, Jennifer. My mom's the same in a lot of ways -- most of the time she doesn't necessarily try to *create* guilt, and can get dreadfully hurt when denied. But when she's feeling hurt, she'll absolutely use proactive guilt and emotional manipulation to... well... I don't know what she expects to get out of it. Control, "her way", whatever, it's unpleasant, to say the least.

    Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she's great an overwhelmingly huge percentage of the time. But I do tend to be wary around her, to avoid potential... situations.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #22
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    hmm, my mum was down right emotionally manipulative... hugely so...

    My bro once said "don't make out she is this fragile old lady, she carried an emotional baseball bat around with her in her hambag".... She was a bit scary in all fairness to him

  3. #23
    Widdles in your cream.
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    ESTJ mother: The dominant parent of the household (dad is an INTP). Strong work ethic and passed these values on to me and my ESTP brother (he prompted rebelled to spite her). She runs a very organized, almost militaristic system in the household. Chores are assigned to each child who is expected to follow them without complaints. But she is diplomatic- moreso than my Dad. Whenever we went on vacation when I was younger, she always went to child-friendly resorts. Perhaps this was because her father always chose places which weren't, and so she doesn't want us to go through the same ordeal. She was always a strict parent. As a runner, she has an athlete mentality, so fitness is another value she holds in high esteem. If I've put on weight, she will be the first to tell me. So at least if I was looking trim, she would say so. As a more mature ESTJ, her Fi is more developed, making her more merciful. I remember two years ago, when I had pet mice, I had an "accidental pairing", meaning one of the mice ended up pregnant. When I told my parents, my dad insisted on releasing them into the wild or killing the babies, but my mum allowed a compromise - I keep the mother and two offspring, but the father and the rest of the litter go back to the pet shop. Despite being INTP, my dad is far less negotiable. I think we become more rigid in our old age.

    She shows how she cares by service-orientated things, like changing my bed or doing my laundry - even though I tell her not to. She also surprises me with things like random gifts; "I saw this hooded coat and thought it would look good on you". Now I'm at university, her and my dad are giving my bedroom a makeover. "Just so you have a nice room to come back to".

    Despite the above, she does have the ESTJ "control issues". Every secret I have, she ends up finding out somehow, whether it's via snooping through diaries (which I have vowed to never write again) or in my room. I think she finds INTP need for privacy threatening? She always has a go at my dad for wanting to read quietly in the kitchen, rather than spend every second with her. She likes to round everyone up, but with two INTPs and an ESTP, it's as easy as nailing jelly to a wall.
    Um, yeah.

  4. #24
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
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    My mom is an INFP with really strong Fi and Si, and she internalizes a decent amount of Ne but rarely shows it. She's just not very expressive.

    I know two other NTs and their mothers' types:
    an ENTJ with an ENFJ mother and an ENTP with an ESFJ mother.

    Honestly I really don't think parents' types have much say in their child's type though. Maybe the N/S is the most inheritable trait, but the whole theory of character traits based on parents is kind of unfalsifiable at this point. You could say that the character traits of an offspring are similiar to that of a parent's due to genes or psychological indoctrination, or you could say that people take on traits completely unlike their parents as a way to "rebel", and both are decent arguments. Also, children spend varying amounts of time with their parents based on a wide variety of factors, so the extent to which a parent's personality influences a child's personality is hard to qualify and quantify.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by teslashock View Post
    My mom is an INFP with really strong Fi and Si, and she internalizes a decent amount of Ne but rarely shows it. She's just not very expressive.
    My mom has really good memory for dates (of people's birthdays, anniversaries, etc) and event-facts of the past, too.
    And, she's really introverted, so like yours, she's not very expressive, unless you cultivate a moment with her, engage her for a bit, and then, what's inside her head/her thoughts, finally appear.

    Do you mind describing more of your mom (and your interaction with her)? As another ENTP female with an INFP mama, it interests me.

  6. #26
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    ESFx, although a lot of it could be misinterpreting her histrionics [I think she has this disorder, or it could just be acting out because of a terrible self esteem] as her cognitive traits.

    Our relationship is nonexistent now.



  7. #27
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    And, she's really introverted, so like yours, she's not very expressive, unless you cultivate a moment with her, engage her for a bit, and then, what's inside her head/her thoughts, finally appear.
    This sounds exactly like my mother as well. She is VERY VERY VERY introverted. I once asked why she doesn't go out more and be social, and she was like "I just find being with people so exhausting. If I never had to go to a social gathering again, I wouldn't. I enjoy myself so much more when I'm reading, watching TV, surfing the web, walking my dog, or gardening."

    She has really strong convictions, but she only shares them with those closest to her (me, her sister, and some times her parents). She was pretty liberal growing up in the hippie era. She was all about environmentalism and social welfare. However, she became a lot more economically conservative since joining the workforce 30 years ago. She is completely against public health care, and she doesn't think that the rich should have higher taxes or anything like that. She has a soft side for the downtrodden though still. She invests a decent amount of money into charities for children, especially around Christmas time. She won't donate to charities at the cash register though; she finds those kinds of requests intrusive and obnoxious. She's also pretty passive aggressive and into subtle guilt tripping whenever I do something that doesn't meet her expectations. I think Fi is evident in a lot of these beliefs.

    As far as her Si goes, you can tell that it's a function that has developed for her later in life. She used to be a lot more free-spirited and optimistic about change. Now she easily gets stuck in ruts and is afraid to do anything that goes against her ruttish routine. She talks about change like she wants to pursue it, but I know that she's pretty afraid of it. She's not very detail-oriented, but I think her ability to pay attention to the details has heightened through the years. She is also leagues better than me at remembering where she's left things and sticking to plans (there's some Te showing through with that).

    Her Te is also fairly developed. She was once very disorganized with her external world, but she has learned how to handle her money effectively, she files away important documents, and she has certain places in the house meant for certain items so she can better keep track of things. She also is a lot better at getting shit done than when she was growing up.

    Again, she is very very introverted, so I don't see her Ne too much. I can tell she appreciates Ne very much though. She laughs at Ne-based humor, and if you get in a heated discussion with her, it's evident that she uses Ne connections to support her claims (even if I do find them "irrational" at times).

    I get along with her fairly well, so long as we don't talk about politics. I just can't empathize with her arbitrary convictions. She is really into the green movement, and while I see the benefits of living "greener", I don't really attempt to live by "green" standards the way she does. I also just don't really give a shit if people are "rude" or go against my beliefs/expectations the way that she cares.

    When I was growing up, she was a bit protective, but when it really came down to it, she pretty much let me do whatever I wanted, so long as it wasn't immediately life-threatening. She also values fueling her intellect and she can really get going on an abstract argument, so we get along well in that light. And she understands and empathizes with my flakiness, so if I am forgetful, unorganized, and/or irresponsible about some things, she doesn't really get upset with me for it. She's pretty open-minded for the most part (and when she's upset about something, she really doesn't let you know and just kind of keeps it to herself...very passive), but there are these minor things that she's pretty nit-picky about. For the most part, she's living in her head and doesn't care too much about jumping out of her head and landing in the real world.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    ESFJ...had to cut my own ties because she certainly wasn't planning on doing any cutting. Get along better now that the independence thing is behind us and I am more mature (like with Jennifer's mother, she doesn't seem to be able to crawl into my world, so now I have learned to crawl into hers from time to time). She's at the same time domineering and child-like (ish). I appreciate the warmth and the support and I encourage her to be herself (I think she has been starved for Fe in her marriage to an INTJ...literally most of the time a kind word is all it takes to solve something). It's good to have an F parent around now that I'm developing my feely side more. I just make sure my boundaries are in place.

    Strangely enough I've never had the feeling that she wanted me to be different.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by justxher View Post
    Wow seems like a lot of NTs have SFJ mothers.

    Mine is an ISFJ!
    Mine is ISFJ aswell... We are definitely VERY different people and her passive behavior can become very annoying I.E she'll complain over and over about something until I ask her if she would like me to fix it, rather than just asking me to fix it in the first place. She's not a bad person though... just way to passive and S-F-J is sort of an annoying combination, for N-T-J's atleast.

  10. #30
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    My mother's an EFJ of some kind.

    Her intentions were sincere, but seriously, fuck off! Moving out was elating for me.
    Hello

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