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  1. #11
    ~dangerous curves ahead~
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    bwahahaha if I grabbed her for a hug in one of those moods, she'd kill me! Though I do sometimes have to resist that evil temptation to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    "Oh, on one level she's probably jealous of you... even while being annoyed at how scattered you might seem sometimes. Because you're enjoying your life, and she's feeling alone and incapable of ever being you."
    Jennifer, you hit another nail on the head. I sometimes feel as if she feels she is overshadowed by me. But it is really unintentional on my part. It's all these darn exuberant bubbles that just pop up. And I never want her to be like me!!! Gods no, two ENTPs in the house would tear the walls down.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    the more she can get outside of her head and the Ti self-critical process. Help her to have fun, loosen up, laugh, explore... and not necessarily judge everything right away.
    Yes, you're right. On good days, we get a roaring conversation going, full of biting remarks and cutting observations with completely inane and tangential remarks thrown in. We sometimes do that in moving vehicles where others eavesdrop bug-eyed but cannot exit. 'Tis that internal judge that is hardest to move though, so I feel that I'm only temporary respite in a way. But reading you here, having found a measure of peace, does give me hope.

    Roger on the safe, enticing environment. Hell, if an ENTP doesn't know how to entice, I don't know what does.

    Wow! I focused for such a long post!!!

  2. #12
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Whenever one of my INTPs are in a bad way, I let 'em alone. However, if it's a REALLY bad way and intervention is needed, I circle in, size up the situation, and apply humor as is fitting.

    One guy I know has a lot of trouble with depression. I'm the one who gets tapped to see him when he's like this. I start comically insulting him and roughing him a little, and he loves it, laughs until he's red. lol The satire loosens him right up.

    Then I can get him to talk about what's bothering him or we can just destroy reality with abstractions until he feels better. I don't tease him when he's really upset though. That's when humor is off limits. I wouldn't appreciate it either.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  3. #13
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Some basic suggestions:
    1. Just leave us alone. (Honestly, don't actively TRY to push/pull us out of our shell. It's annoying most of the time...) Give liberal space and alone time.
    2. Accept us for who/what we are, without judging our motives poorly. I think you really do understand, when you described how harshly INTPs judge themselves, even when they are seemingly critical of others. Just imagine -- that Ti function is blunted in the external world because it is filtered through Ne usually... but inside there is no grace. There is only cold evaluation of oneself as an object; did I meet the standard or did I not? There are no illusions, in general. It is HARD to deal with... and having others judge us when we meant no harm only adds to the pain.
    3. Don't try to cheer us up purposefully when we're upset or angry. If you're doing it on purpose, just to cheer us up, we can tell... and become irked. the best way to cheer us up is to start discussing a new idea or an old one you know we love and have lots of ideas about. Or doing something fun like joke-telling. Get us out of internal mode and into Ne mode, which is a positive-laced/hopeful function.
    4. Let us know the door is open if we want to engage or hang around; otherwise don't pull/push. Let us hang around and read a book or something while others talk, and perhaps something will interest us and we will ease up enough to engage.
      5. Did I mention books/libraries/BorderS?


    Perhaps that doesn't apply to everyone but seems typical for the average INTP.
    A big amen to the "Leave them alone." I've been married to an INTP with depressive tendencies for fifteen years. I love him and want him to be happy, but you really can't make anyone else be happy and that's just kinda how he is. I make sure he knows I think he's wonderful and I try to provide some little creature comforts, but otherwise, I'm not his therapist and it's not my place to go poking around in his psyche.

    I can't do much about what other people think, either, really. If they are too clueless to realize he's still better than everyone else even depressed, what can you do? There's no help for that kind of cluelessness.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #14
    Senior Member lazyhappy's Avatar
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    When i got depressed 4 awhile... the thing that cheered me up was my INFP friend... she came up with this thing where we talk through notes... so like i'm guessing... come up w/ another way of talking to them w/o talking to cheer intp's up... i dunno... and be happy in the notes!!!

    I once cheered up an unhappy INTP friend by singing and dancing along with the song "Walking on Sunshine" in the cheesiest manner(we'd been drinking, so it was less embarrassing). It was horrible, but at least it worked!
    lol i think this would work too XD... beh goofy with them and not be serious.... like i hate when ppl ask: "are u okay..."...i get so embarressed...

    and...
    when i'm mad i want to be left alone (and other times too... but not when i'm depressed)... when i'm sad i want to be cheered up...

    But this is JUST me... i have no clue about other INTPs'
    Last edited by lazyhappy; 11-15-2007 at 07:47 PM.

  5. #15
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    i cheered up my INTP friend by asking him to explain Suprastring Theory to me.

    It took 3 hours, but he was happy by the end.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  6. #16
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Uh huh. Sometimes solutions are good (if offered as suggestions -- "What about...?" ...and you don't become exasperated when I explain why everyone one of your suggestions has some small hole in it that renders it unsuitable... Sorry, I know I and other INTPs can seem annoying as all-get-out when we do that.)
    Actually, I like/appreciate that most of the time (unless I'm in a bad mood myself), because it helps me formulate better ideas in the future by seeing potential problems with them. It seems to make me better at seeing flaws or potential flaws in something. It's usually helpful in correcting the way I look at things, or finding hidden, invalid assumptions.

    INFP's seem worse in some ways, actually. I mean, at least I can understand what an INTP is correcting my arguments based on, but INFP's just seem to be criticizing me based on something I can't see/understand, and can't anticipate or defend against. Even worse, it's usually directed at my character, where it grates me a lot more than if it were just directed at my idea.

  7. #17
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    i cheered up my INTP friend by asking him to explain Suprastring Theory to me.

    It took 3 hours, but he was happy by the end.
    An excellent move, madam. I've employed that one before too, though we wound up in an invigorating debate over hyperspace branes in the process.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #18
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default I think these work...

    For my honey:

    1) body massage works like a charm!
    2) suggest we go hiking
    2) tell really off-colored jokes
    3) read quietly together (together in the same room, but not together)
    4) leave him alone

    For my son (other honey):

    1) get him a Humdinger (fountain soda - Pepsi)
    2) let him stay on the computer and play games
    3) lightly rub his back when he's reading (or watching TV)
    4) put on anything by DC Talk
    5) tell him a good joke
    -Sandy
    I - 75% N - 55% F - 55% P - 61%
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    There is love... in the red letters
    There is truth... in the red letters

  9. #19
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    It's nice to see that other people have suggestions.
    I came to the shocking realization that I don't know how to answer this question.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  10. #20
    Senior Member celesul's Avatar
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    Ne is always good. Sometimes it's necessary to leave them alone (it also depends on the degree of introversion). My sister is ENFP, but her Ne has been slower in developing (she's a preteen). Now that's her Ne is all wonderful, we can have lovely, goofy conversations. We will both be cracking up, but everyone else will be lost. That can cheer people up pretty well, and listening if they get bad enough to break down.
    "'You scoundrel, you have wronged me,' hissed the philosopher. 'May you live forever!'" - Ambrose Bierce

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