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  1. #1
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Default How do you deal with unreliable people?

    Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    bug the hell out of me...

    But I tend to give them a change but I have limited patiences, I will eventually give up or lower my expectations because people don't really change.

    At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.

    Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....

  3. #3

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    i dont think there is any way you can
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/robert165/

    I'm just trying to do this Jigsaw puzzle, before it rains anymore.

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.
    Yeah, I think that's it. I don't like to think in a black and white fashion, but this may be one of the cases where it benefits to do so.

    Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....
    Exactly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Robert165 View Post
    i dont think there is any way you can
    Should I take the easy way out?
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  6. #6
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them... we need all sorts in our life... functional relationship that are reliable, and colourful ones that are largely entertainement and decorative... You're a whole person with lots of facets, not eveone needs to be functionally viable to be valuable as a realtionship... just don't ask them to bank cheques or put your rent cheque to your land lord...

  7. #7
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    The only way I know off to make any person more reliable than he or she is, is to go totally apeshit on their emotional grounds. Crushing them so badly that they will have to give it serious thought. And consider possible change. But this is dangerous and may not cause the results you had wished for!

    Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable. Taking away their choice (Either through concrete means = don't rely on them anymore, or through bombardment of their consciousness) is the only method.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  8. #8
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?
    If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.

  9. #9
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them...
    This is something I've definitely tried to do. I've stopped expecting things- but over time I do start to expect things if people are consistent. I think this is my version of "trust."

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable.
    Definitely- which is why it can be so frustrating.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander29 View Post
    If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.
    That's true too. I try not to make too many assumptions- and I'm not going crazy if someone who usually comes through cancels a plan with me once in a while. But if I see a pattern of 'deterioration' in how reliable they are, I start to become a little suspicious.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them.
    I wish I had the INTP, "I can have way more fun without people!" power you seem to hold.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  10. #10
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Someone normally reliable that isn't at the time: It could be a temporary change (like something going on at home, or life has gotten hectic for them, etc.) or an indication of stress/emotional strain. They could have something going on you're unaware of..

    Outside of that, I handle them the way I do most people: I distance myself.
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