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  1. #41
    Junior Member gracefully's Avatar
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    My Entj cousin had the same problem. She was always being told by her family to calm down. I've also noticed that she fails to pick up on body language when people around her are becoming uncomfortable, defensive, and averse to what she is saying....so most people would just tell her to "calm down"

  2. #42
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    I get told that all the time

    but i also get told im too intense

    prolly goes hand in hand

  3. #43
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    I am usually quite acutely aware of my actions, so i find that i don't get as offended when someone tells me to calm down when i know i am becoming overly animated.

    I guess i live my life in a manner whereby only accepting people are accepted, and if people don't like my personality, or the way i operate, then they need to simply leave and i will focus on those who have an appreciation for the finer points of my personality.

    There are a few times that i can recall however in which i have lost control of my emotions, and my actions become extremely out of control and i have needed to be told to calm down, and i found the experience to be actually quite humiliating. I am not too sure what that means, but i get quite awkward when someone tells me to "Pull my head in". I guess its because, once i loose control, its quite hard to regain it, and maintain it.
    Actualized type: ENTJ
    Extroverted (E) 64.71% Introverted (I) 35.29%
    Intuitive (N) 56.1% Sensing (S) 43.9%
    Thinking (T) 68.42% Feeling (F) 31.58%
    Judging (J) 65% Perceiving (P) 35%

    ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

    http://hubpages.com/profile/Joshywa1

  4. #44
    I'm a star. Kangirl's Avatar
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    I was just accused by a friend of always appearing on the verge of being pissed off. As far as I know, I've never actually been pissed off at this friend. The thing is, most of the time when I appear pissed off (or close to being pissed), I'm really just being very animated and passionate. That's my default mood when I'm speaking. I know some fellow ENTJs have complained about this same thing. I'm guessing other NTs probably wouldn't be in the same camp, but I figured I'd leave the question open to everyone on here.

    How do you deal with such an accusation? Getting defensive and worked up about it probably isn't the way to go, but on the other hand, it's so frustrating that a lot of others seem to think that passion and enthusiasm for a particular thing means that we're offended or angry. I find that I appear rant-y about things when I ultimately don't even care that much about them, and it actually takes a lot to truly offend me. I guess the natural response might be just to tone it all down a bit, but my personality is pretty ingrained at this point, and I don't want to have to make a conscious choice throughout the day to have to tone myself down.
    Ohhhh I SO identify with all of this. At this point, MOST of the people who know me well 'get' me. But I think it is still difficult for many people to turn off their automatic judgements re: "she's speaking fast and somewhat loud, she seems aggressive and angry". And yeah, the funny thing is I am usually about as far away from angry as I can be. I act like that because I'm *interested* - it's enthusiasm on my part. I love discussing things. And I can play devil's advocate as well - it often happens almost involuntarily. Later on I'll find out that an acquaintance thinks I'm some kind of angry fascist. Ha ha.

    Don't know if I have any helpful advice other than an acceptance of "we're human, differences and misunderstandings will occur" - nor do I necessarily agree with the earlier point that the onus is on you to "change". Just for argument's sake, why is it on the OP? Why shouldn't it be possible for her to explain "hey, I'm not actually angry at all here" and be understood?

    That said, telling me to calm down when I'm not angry is one of the quickest ways to piss me off. It does happen and usually I'm OK with it, but there have been a few (very few) people in my life who haven't been able to back-off on it and I just ended up avoiding them. One woman was constantly on at me for "fighting" with her boyfriend (when in fact we were having enjoyable convos) and I struggled, in the end, to stop myself from just telling her to fuck right off.
    "Only an irrational dumbass, would burn Jews." - Jaguar

    "please give concise answers in plain English" - request from Provoker

  5. #45
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    I think "calm down" is a nice way of telling people to shut up.
    But then again, if you are trying to overpower people in conversations, people are justified in telling you to calm down.

    I wouldn't get angrier if people tell me to calm down. Maybe you can use the same trick and tell someone else to calm down and study their reaction.

  6. #46
    I'm a star. Kangirl's Avatar
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    I don't try to overpower people in convos. I just, sometimes, am REALLY into the convo I'm having. I much prefer conversations that are very give and take rather than simply one person giving a lecture on a given topic.
    "Only an irrational dumbass, would burn Jews." - Jaguar

    "please give concise answers in plain English" - request from Provoker

  7. #47
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    I've been told to calm down.

    A few months ago, my roommate and I got into a fight over the delegation of chores. I usually don't get angry over disputes unless its with someone close to me.

    Luckily, these kind of disputes happen rather infrequently.

    It really bugged me, because I had been acting a little immature, instead of dealing with it head on. The reason I skirted the issue for so long was my embarrassment over my immaturity and the fact that I was genuinely in the wrong (although so was he).

    I bottled up the feelings and went to school. That afternoon I headed to MMA. Grabbing my usual sparring partner, I pulled him aside and told him I was in a piss poor mood, and asked if it was ok if I went hard during practice.

    Here are the two of us (I don't photograph well :P):


    He didn't mind. To be honest, I actually think he was excited (competitor that he is).

    Anyway, we walked out to the mats and started stretching. I was antsy to get going b/c I had a lot of anger to work out.

    We start drilling, and are kind of on autopilot b/c of how many times we've done these drills. We run 15 count alternating punch kick combos. I start putting some oomph into my kicks. You can tell I'm kicking harder b/c my breathing has changed a little and he grunts a little every time my leg slams into the thai pads he's holding.

    A well executed kick is exactly like a well hit golf shot, you hear the difference.

    When you hit pads with a weak kick, it makes a pop. When you go foot to hip, hip to hip, hip to foot, rotate your hips through the kick, driving through as if to strike slightly behind the target (which is 2" above the knee on either the inside or outside), all the while making sure to strike at a downward angle with the shin (which has been calcified into stone from kicking so much), it sounds like an metal bat swung by a juiced up Conseco hitting a wet buffalo.

    My kicks... sounded like the latter.

    The punches were no different.

    There were little bits of the foam padding they use to stuff the pads all over my shirt.

    We switched to an alternating elbows drill.

    This would be a perfect opportunity to see if he could keep up with me, I thought to myself.

    We start off slow enough, getting into rhythm with each other. We begin to speed up. Faster and faster and faster we go.

    I focus in and zone out, the rest of the gym disappears and the sounds of everything fall away.

    The only things that exist in my world now are my elbows and the parts of him I was hitting.

    I hear someone saying slow down, but it sounded like there was a fish bowl over my head full of water.

    He stops and tells me I'm going to have to slow down.

    We start again, and the same thing happens.

    This time, we switch a girl (who's really fast) with my partner, and I go back to doing what I was doing.

    They knew I wasn't going to slow down, and there was no point in asking...

    That's one of the times I've been told to calm down.

  8. #48
    Senior Member JHBowden's Avatar
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    How do you deal with such an accusation?
    It's probably a sign to add levity to the discussion and take away some of the gravity.



    So don't just make an argument. Sell it! Show people the true power of the Dark Side. Make them want to join the Empire.

  9. #49
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHBowden View Post
    It's probably a sign to add levity to the discussion and take away some of the gravity.



    So don't just make an argument. Sell it! Show people the true power of the Dark Side. Make them want to join the Empire.
    Often the best approach is to not back down, just change tact, indeed.
    Actualized type: ENTJ
    Extroverted (E) 64.71% Introverted (I) 35.29%
    Intuitive (N) 56.1% Sensing (S) 43.9%
    Thinking (T) 68.42% Feeling (F) 31.58%
    Judging (J) 65% Perceiving (P) 35%

    ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

    http://hubpages.com/profile/Joshywa1

  10. #50
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    Hmm, I get the exact same thing actually, mostly when I'm debating and making points people think I'm getting annoyed which ironically makes me annoyed at them thinking I'm annoyed

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