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  1. #1
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Default attention NT women especially INTPs

    Hi everyone I have returned. I have found myself in a vulnerable state and I need help not smart remarks or insults, please.

    So I have question. I've been dating an INTP female recently and things have been going well. I am a very protective Alpha male and I have no clue why but I am very jealous that she talks to this one guy she used to sleep with over a year ago. Recently I took her to the ballet and she said it was the number 1 date she's ever been on and I asked what number two was and it was a date this guy took her out on. Idk why but it drives me NUTS and I wanna smash this kids head with a brick. Also they both supported obama together and both don't believe in God and she had sex with him on a rooftop (I'm a conservative republican christian, a religious enfj shocker i know). Idk this shit all makes me so FURIOUS. I haven't spoke to her about it also he made fun of me recently via IM. I read it she asked him a question and he said "ask your bf he hears from God directly :p" yes i am aware that my behaviors aren't very christian but I am just a man and this is how I feel. I am confident enough to want to solve this problem. I am a psychology major so I am trying to have closure on this subject because it's literally eating me up inside. But yeah basically I want to smash this kid's head with a brick and I dont wanna feel like that. So someone help please? also please feel free to ask questions if you feel they would lead to answers

  2. #2
    FigerPuppet
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    Just tell her how you feel and why. I think she's the only one who can make you feel less jealous. And you're not jealous because you are a "very protective Alpha male" - you're jealous because you're insecure.

    But I understand why it pisses you off that her ex wrote what he did. Did she find it funny?

  3. #3
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Well first off, if you get possesive and controlling she will leave you, and rightly so.... you need to realise your jelousy is your own insecurity not about ehr behaviour.

    As SMiley says, say tell her that her ex makes you insecure and that you need her to be aware that the contact is making your feel uncomfrotable... DO NOT TELL her to not talk to him... explain you are OK with their ffriendship but that you need her to make you feel secure about your relationship. It's good she has contact with him, but not at the expense of the relationship you have with each other.

    Good luck and seriously, dont' get possesive....

  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmileyMan View Post
    Just tell her how you feel and why. I think she's the only one who can make you feel less jealous. And you're not jealous because you are a "very protective Alpha male" - you're jealous because you're insecure.
    This. And I also don't get why she is discussing your relationship with her ex. And, if all this shit makes you furious, I don't really understand what you are doing with her either. You need to sit down and talk to her, without being furious. And stop reading her IM's. Or anyone else's private conversations. Period.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    This. And I also don't get why she is discussing your relationship with her ex. And, if all this shit makes you furious, I don't really understand what you are doing with her either. You need to sit down and talk to her, without being furious. And stop reading her IM's. Or anyone else's private conversations. Period.
    This

  6. #6
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    You're FURIOUS!

    Because he took a girl on a nice date before you were ever with her?

    and you want advice from women who share a type with the girl?

    The girl is unrelated to this problem... <edited>
    Last edited by Bellflower; 12-20-2009 at 04:29 PM. Reason: unnecessary.
    wails from the crypt.

  7. #7
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    Hi everyone I have returned. I have found myself in a vulnerable state and I need help not smart remarks or insults, please.

    So I have question. I've been dating an INTP female recently and things have been going well. I am a very protective Alpha male and I have no clue why but I am very jealous that she talks to this one guy she used to sleep with over a year ago. Recently I took her to the ballet and she said it was the number 1 date she's ever been on and I asked what number two was and it was a date this guy took her out on. Idk why but it drives me NUTS and I wanna smash this kids head with a brick. Also they both supported obama together and both don't believe in God and she had sex with him on a rooftop (I'm a conservative republican christian, a religious enfj shocker i know). Idk this shit all makes me so FURIOUS. I haven't spoke to her about it also he made fun of me recently via IM. I read it she asked him a question and he said "ask your bf he hears from God directly :p" yes i am aware that my behaviors aren't very christian but I am just a man and this is how I feel. I am confident enough to want to solve this problem. I am a psychology major so I am trying to have closure on this subject because it's literally eating me up inside. But yeah basically I want to smash this kid's head with a brick and I dont wanna feel like that. So someone help please? also please feel free to ask questions if you feel they would lead to answers
    Your post gives me the creeps because the jealousy and violent musings are almost palpable. I dated an ENFJ "alpha-male" (self-described) with similar issues.

    The problem and the solution lie in you. You are insecure and feel competitive with him. Why? What are you competing for that you don't already have? (Those are not rhetorical. Answer them).

    You can't and won't be the best at everything to everyone. Even your SO. Lower your standards. You're mainlining your self-esteem directly into the heart of your perception of their opinions of you. You're playing with a losing hand. Give that up.

    They shared a physical relationship - Irrelevant. It's over and she is with you.
    They share commonalities that you and she will never agree upon - If this is necessary for you to feel secure in a relationship find someone who has the same values. Period.

    They made a joke at your expense - Big deal.

    I would talk to her about your feelings calmly and without anger. Be honest and let her know that this may be a struggle for you. She may be able to come up with some solutions to help support you in YOUR efforts to get over this jealousy and anger.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    "ask your bf he hears from God directly :p"
    I understand you're bothered... but this sort of joke told in this way is barely even that much on the "insultometer." I wouldn't read so much into this or let it stoke you, this is a throwaway comment and if you are going to be a religious person holding the stances you do, I'd advise you to get over it and only get aggressive with more serious and direct arguments in the religious vein. Honestly, you're gonna be pissed about LOTS of things if you are letting this rattle you -- you're dating an INTP women who is a non-believer, to start with, and she didn't even make the joke. You'd better prepare for more of the same sort of joking if you want to be in a relationship with her, it could (and typically IS) far worse.

    As far as the rest, everyone else is giving you great advice. If you want to smash the kid's head in with a brick and you're a Christian and have issues with that, good; your reaction is definitely way past the norm and I'm glad you want to figure it out by asking for help.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    sorry dude you're cute, but you aren't an alpha male.. i don't mean that as an insult but just because you want to start a fight doesn't make you an alpha


    i think you need to either get over your issues or leave the relationship.

    if the relationship is over between your gf and her ex then what are you jealous about? the fact that she had a life before you? that's kind of screwed up do you see the ex as competition? i can't speak for your gf, but i know for me once a guy is an ex he stays an ex. we can still be friends, but there's never a romantic relationship take 2.

    and you read her private conversations? sorry but IMO you deserved to get your feelings hurt for doing that. it's just a different version of the saying "don't ask a question if you're not ready to know the answer": don't snoop around in people's private stuff to find dirt unless you're willing to get dirty. i've had ex's (mind you i'm not with any of those douchebags now) who've snooped on me and i've never dignified their rantings with an explanation because the very fact that they were snooping means that they would have continued to do so until they found something as proof for whatever their issues are. it's a no win situation for the person being snooped on and needless drama.


    good luck and remember that there are probably aren't going to be many NT women out there who find possessiveness and jealousy as endearing qualities in a potential mate.

    Quote Originally Posted by SmileyMan View Post
    I think she's the only one who can make you feel less jealous.
    really ? jealousy starts internally. he's the one who needs to fix hos insecurity. if it's not this ex then it will be another guy.

  10. #10
    Widdles in your cream.
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    I may have skimmed a bit of the details, but the overall gist I got from the OP was, "She's talking to an ex and this makes me angry/jealous/homocidal".

    I wouldn't use type at all when it comes to relationship advice, but regarding her type as the only variable in this situation for a minute... don't worry too much? This could be a me thing, but when I give someone a title, that title is fairly set in stone and takes a lot of effort to change. An ex stays as an ex. When a partner becomes ex-partner - that's it. I am never going to consider them as potential partners. Ever. Once I'm over it, there is no looking back for me. I don't usually want to go back to friends, either. Ending it on positive terms is good, but other than that... Is this what you're worried about? Her relapsing into his arms? Like I said, this might not be an INTP thing, but once I've broken up with someone it's like they give off a scent that repulses me; "Scent of ex". Ergh.

    I think the last guy I dated was an E?FJ. I say "dated"... we had one date and he was extremely touchy-feely and wanted to cook dinner for me the following week. He also wanted me to join his CosPlaying group. All of this was proposed on the first date. It was also the last date we had. He gave off "Alpha male" vibes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer
    You'd better prepare for more of the same sort of joking if you want to be in a relationship with her, it could (and typically IS) far worse.
    Yeaaah. My way of greeting my S.O is telling how I had her mum the other night. But it's okay - she does the same. It's kind of our greeting ritual. I think IXTPs need to have a partner with the emotional sensitivity of a rhino's hide.
    Um, yeah.

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