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  1. #81
    respect the brick C.J.Woolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've read when they do marry they make their partners miserable. It was something like, "INTPs are most likely to have unhappy marriage mates". I can't remember where the info came from though.
    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Yeah I remember that survey thing. It also talked about the added importance of INTPs finding a like-minded mate for marriage happiness.
    Indeed. Most INTPs are hard to live with. I'm hard to live with. My INTP spouse is hard to live with. But we're hard to live with in the same ways, so we can put up with each other.

    A lot of INTPs that have trouble approaching people probably end up with ESXXs who wrestled them into a relationship that's ultimately incompatible.
    That's what happens when you let yourself be pursued rather than pursue. You're more likely to get the partner you want if you're the pursuer.

  2. #82
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by C.J.Woolf View Post


    That's what happens when you let yourself be pursued rather than pursue. You're more likely to get the partner you want if you're the pursuer.
    how does this work? So you're saying that unless both parties pursue each other then one will be stuck with a partner they don't want?

  3. #83
    Senior Member groovejet02's Avatar
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    What's with the INTP-bashing here (to hear it from non-INTPs is one thing, to hear it from INTP themselves another. What's with the inferiority complex?)The belief that INTP make miserable partners is a redundant one. It all depends on the maturity level of the INTP in question. And by the way, I just left a relationship with an ENFJ. Despite her being older than me, I was the matured one, having lots of reasonableness , patience and care while she threw her temper tantrums and couldn't make up her mind regarding our relationship. I left because I was tired of babysitting her, and of being manipulated by her wishy-washiness.

  4. #84
    respect the brick C.J.Woolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    how does this work? So you're saying that unless both parties pursue each other then one will be stuck with a partner they don't want?
    I guess I'm saying I trust my own judgment more than the judgment of someone who loves some aspects on an INTP but might be driven nuts if she actually tried to live with one.

    Looking out for Number One.

    Quote Originally Posted by groovejet02 View Post
    What's with the INTP-bashing here (to hear it from non-INTPs is one thing, to hear it from INTP themselves another. What's with the inferiority complex?)The belief that INTP make miserable partners is a redundant one. It all depends on the maturity level of the INTP in question.
    I think the statistics are saying that INTPs make partners miserable. Otherwise, I agree with you. Immature people of any type make worse partners.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    I think the OP has something to be worried about. It looks like his gf is connecting too much with the ex, has double standards for behavior, yadda yadda yadda.

    OP: You should ignore most the advice here, as these people don't know the entire situation, and opinions are like assholes*...anyway, I do think your N is on to something. From a superficial point of view, it does seem like you two are an awkward fit. Take that with a grain of salt, mind you. Just saying...I can see how the clashing religious/political ideologies could cause a giant rift, you describe yourself as "an alpha male," and I could see that chafing on an INTP too...so, yeah. I'd reevaluate the entire relationship just to see where each of you stand, and how much genuine "love" you each feel for the other. Infatuation isn't enough for the long haul.


    *This applies to my opinion, too.

  6. #86
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Wow. Neither one of you has behaved appropriately, as far as I'm concerned. Asking her to compare your dates to other dates is basically asking her to compare you to other men - so you got what you asked for. I would have taken it one step further and talked about how amazing the sex was, simply out of spite. Yeah, I can be immature at times too, I know. But beyond that, no I have never once searched through anyone's things. I always rationalized it that if I have to search, I might as well break up now because the trust is gone. And there is no point if there is no trust.

    Also, if something really bothers you, she shouldn't contribute to it. If my INTP bf was so bothered by my friendship with another person, I would cool it with that friendship. No one is worth me having an unhappy home. But then again, I know my bf would never ask me to do that unless there were some real reasons other than some vague unsubstantiated "jealousy". The point is, assuming you are not just jealous of every man she talks to, if her friendship with him bothers you and she continues it, then she's telling you exactly how high you are on her priority list. It's as simple as that.

    I think a lot of the problem stems from conviction or lack thereof. I have a lot of ENFJ friends that never quite mean what they say. They will break up with a girl and then try to get back together a few months later. They will tell a girl they love her and then confide to me that they fell out of love. In my experience, we NTs don't do that. We don't lead with our feelings. When it's over, it's simply over. We broke up for a reason, so it would be irrational to attempt a reconciliation. So you may be worried that they will slip back into whatever they had, but she is looking at you like you have 2 heads because she already told you that she wouldn't. So either you trust her or you don't. And either she respects you or she doesn't.


    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I don't know. In my experience, INTP women have trouble with boundaries. Hell, INTP's in general do. This leaves them vulnerable to fucking up. On the other hand, they can be trustworthy. You just never know which INTP is going to go which way. I think it's similar with ENTP's except ENTP's feel more bound by society's rules.
    Synarch said it all. I also feel that INTPs have boundary issues. When they become close with someone, they don't know where to stop. The less evolved ones find themselves in weird situations that spiral out of control before they realize it. They seem to have no sense of how society works. I get a hug that is a little too inappropriate. Or a well meaning gift executed in a creepy manner. One INTP guy I know bought a gift for his girlfriend's sister and snuck into her bedroom and left it under her sheets. That is the definition of creepy, imo. No boundaries.

    And I get the impression that they are scared to say no to people. So if they found themselves in an awkward situation, they would most likely roll with it rather than try to stop it - just to avoid the confrontation. But I don't believe that they have dubious intentions. And I don't think they are that way with those that are close to them.

    As far as INTPs being happily committed, I think it just depends on the person and their relationship, just like everyone else. Mine seems pretty happy and he embraced each level of commitment like it was the most natural thing in the world.

    (Are you the same guy that made multiple posts about an INTP girl a few months ago, a girl that wouldn't commit and broke up with you and freaked out when you had sex with someone else? If you are that same guy and she is that same girl, I think the two of you probably are not very well suited. At all.)

  7. #87
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Synarch said it all. I also feel that INTPs have boundary issues. When they become close with someone, they don't know where to stop. The less evolved ones find themselves in weird situations that spiral out of control before they realize it. They seem to have no sense of how society works. I get a hug that is a little too inappropriate. Or a well meaning gift executed in a creepy manner. One INTP guy I know bought a gift for his girlfriend's sister and snuck into her bedroom and left it under her sheets. That is the definition of creepy, imo. No boundaries.
    That one INTP is unusually out of touch socially. Most of us would know this seems creepy.

    I do see a sort of diffuse, generalized boundary problem with INTPs, though.

    And I get the impression that they are scared to say no to people. So if they found themselves in an awkward situation, they would most likely roll with it rather than try to stop it - just to avoid the confrontation. But I don't believe that they have dubious intentions. And I don't think they are that way with those that are close to them.
    INTP does not = chickenshit and spineless. Only in some cases of self proclaimed "passive" people is this the case, and sometimes not even then. They're just passive aggressive.


    As far as INTPs being happily committed, I think it just depends on the person and their relationship, just like everyone else. Mine seems pretty happy and he embraced each level of commitment like it was the most natural thing in the world.
    Yeah, I don't think most INTPs have problems with commitment in a relationship.


    Edit: Yikes! Just reread the OP. She and her ex are making fun of you? That doesn't bode well.

    (I'm assuming the gf laughed at the joke...then again, why does her ex know that much about you? She doesn't seem very protective of you given that she shares private stuff that she knows her ex will view as absurd, e.g., your religious views)

  8. #88
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    ENTP rebellion against social norms belies a deep need to fit in in respect. They want to be approved of for being different and intelligent whereas INTP's seem to disregard society in most respects.


    I'm going to send this to my best friend (ENTP) as a direct quote because it's so true.

    He is this completely.

    We can actually broaden it to apply to ENPs and INPs (i.e, "ENP rebellion against social norms...").

  9. #89
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post


    I'm going to send this to my best friend (ENTP) as a direct quote because it's so true.

    He is this completely.

    We can actually broaden it to apply to ENPs and INPs (i.e, "ENP rebellion against social norms...").
    Yeah, yeah. Typical INFP, trying to make it all about you.

    I kid.

  10. #90
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    @Lurker, didn't mean to imply that I thought INTPs are weak, because I don't. But passive-aggressive, and sometimes just passive, yes.

    And you bristled at the same things I bristled at. The fact that she would allow her friend (and perhaps encourage?) to ridicule her bf. Not cool, at all.

    Like I said, there are trust issues on his side and respect issues on hers. Or so it seems from what he wrote, at least.

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