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  1. #21
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Is it a heritage tomato? Or a store-bought hybrid?

    *dismissively sips American grown tea*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #22
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SerengetiBetty View Post
    and you read her private conversations? sorry but IMO you deserved to get your feelings hurt for doing that. it's just a different version of the saying "don't ask a question if you're not ready to know the answer": don't snoop around in people's private stuff to find dirt unless you're willing to get dirty. i've had ex's (mind you i'm not with any of those douchebags now) who've snooped on me and i've never dignified their rantings with an explanation because the very fact that they were snooping means that they would have continued to do so until they found something as proof for whatever their issues are. it's a no win situation for the person being snooped on and needless drama.

    If a significant other, or anyone else, ever snooped through my things, the confrontation would be immediate and ugly.


    If they just asked, I'd probably let them read anything they want to. But going behind my back is something I can't stand for.
    I have a vagina.


    ENTP . 7w6 sx/sp

  3. #23
    Senior Member _Violence_'s Avatar
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    Your post reminds me of why I hate ENFJ males with a passion.

    Nothing personal. It's just "how we're wired if you get my drift."

    (I don't actually know WTF that means but hopefully you understand being a primary Fe function)

  4. #24
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    ...Yeaaah. My way of greeting my S.O is telling how I had her mum the other night. But it's okay - she does the same. It's kind of our greeting ritual. I think IXTPs need to have a partner with the emotional sensitivity of a rhino's hide.
    Or at least know you enough to know that you're joking and not to take the humor seriously. Boundaryless joking seems to be an INTP forte, whether they are socially skilled or not; the boundaries set up by the socially aware are more of "Who do I joke with that way and in what context?" rather than not joking at all, and a significant other will be expected to be able to deal with the inevitable "poke fun at everything that doesn't seem to make sense or has inconsistencies."
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #25
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    My impression is that the OP doesn't give enough information to fully understand this dynamic, so personal experience of each poster is inserted in the blanks. There are a number of different things that could be happening. In my reading, the OP sounded as though the girlfriend is seen as having more in common in the ex, and that she has some sort of continued attachment to him, but there is also ambivalence. It is as though it is uncertain where she actually stands. The "best date" with the current boyfriend, and "second best date" with the friend/ex could be a simple listing of experiences. It could also be a resentful reaction to not having the "best date" comment taken as special and left at that. I can see how it could also feel as though she is saying that she is still attached to the ex, but currently prefers her present situation, depending on the vibe given off.

    It isn't possible to have a relationship without trust because there is always opportunity to betray trust. It might be worth examining if the OP reaction to this instance is unique, or if the jealousy is a more typical feeling in a relationship. It sounds like there needs to be some time or distance or something to allow a chance to gain perspective. There are a lot of people in the world, so if the underlying issue is a feeling of incompatibility, there is for certain someone else with whom there would be a feeling of compatibility.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #26
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Hey Violence, I've got some wire clippers if you want to get that problem fixed.

    To everybody attacking the OP, without giving him any helpful advice; shut up. Is it possible that you are channelling the hurt from past relationships where your exes looked through your things, rather then analyzing his situation at face value? Afterall, I doubt your exes asked for help, Did they? That makes him a step above them. Let's see if we can advise him unbiasedly.

    As far as looking through her IM, how many of you have done that? Have you ever been stuck in a relationship where you didn't feel you could trust your partner? Have you ever checked their voicemail? Read their mail-mail? Glanced at an open e-mail, or Facebook inbox? Let he or she who hath not sinned, cast the first stone.

    I will say though, that I don't think it's right to do any of those things. To the OP: you should talk this out with her. Furthermore, if you're a Christian, and she's not, then you are "unequally yoked", and at least Biblically speaking, you shouldn't be together anyway.

    Yeah, I know. Those INTPs are rare, and when you meet them, they're tempting. Just the same, at least hearing it from your perspective; this relationship is unhealthy, she talking with her ex about your relationship, and you need to get out.

    Nobody I know is okay with their SO talking with their ex (even moreso about their current relationship), IF they actually see the current relationship going deeper than a sexual partnership.
    Love is the point.

  7. #27
    Senior Member _Violence_'s Avatar
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    Was gonna say something but decided not too.

    Aww look, I said something completely useless.

    *continues to observe*

  8. #28
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Violence_ View Post
    Was gonna say something but decided not too.

    Aww look, I said something completely useless.

    *continues to observe*
    The high road, wow, I'm proud of you. Good job ISTP. Good job.

    *evil laugh*
    Love is the point.

  9. #29
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    this relationship is unhealthy, she talking with her ex about your relationship, and you need to get out.

    Nobody I know is okay with their SO talking with their ex (even moreso about their current relationship), IF they actually see the current relationship going deeper than a sexual partnership.
    If the ex is now a friend I can see her confiding about her current relationship. Now if he has never met this guy, I could see where the jealousy plays in. In that case, I would want to meet the person. If she says no to that - then I'd worry.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  10. #30
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Let me ask something just for the sake of discussion.

    I know a LOT of my male friends have given me a patronizing head pat when I say that girls and guys can be just friends. I argued forever that they could. My male friends told me, "No, you're either sister material or a potential."

    So. Having said that. Someone that you used to date = a potential, once. Does that ever completely go away? Even if you don't act on it, does it really take a hike if you're on good enough terms to remain close friends?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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