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  1. #91
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    ENTP rebellion against social norms belies a deep need to fit in in respect. They want to be approved of for being different and intelligent whereas INTP's seem to disregard society in most respects.
    Another thumbs up for this post.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    @Lurker, didn't mean to imply that I thought INTPs are weak, because I don't. But passive-aggressive, and sometimes just passive, yes.
    Ah, no probs!

    Honestly, passive-aggressive behavior, and sometimes just plain passive behavior, makes me want to puke a little bit. I see people who behave that way as fundamentally dishonest. I admire spirit and courage, not cowering.

    Not to say that I'm not guilty of the same behaviors sometimes, natch.

  2. #92
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    [INTPs] seem to have no sense of how society works. I get a hug that is a little too inappropriate. Or a well meaning gift executed in a creepy manner. One INTP guy I know bought a gift for his girlfriend's sister and snuck into her bedroom and left it under her sheets. That is the definition of creepy, imo. No boundaries.
    Sawree but :yim_rolling_on_the_


    I know an INTP who used to do the creepiest things when we were younger. Or he just wouldn't realize that some of his behavior was socially inappropriate. He's still that way to a degree, but admittedly I kinda find it endearing.




    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker View Post
    Yeah, yeah. Typical INFP, trying to make it all about you.

    I kid.

    *bitch slaps*

    I would never!

    ...Well, maybe.




    SORRY TO THE OP FOR DERAILING. I LEAVE NOW.

  3. #93
    Senior Member sofmarhof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Asking her to compare your dates to other dates is basically asking her to compare you to other men - so you got what you asked for. )
    You know, that's probably a case of INTPs just not caring about social norms. It's probably a pretty common ritual for one partner to ask to be compared to previous partners, expecting the answer, "Oh, you're the best!" Like the stereotypical wife asking her husband if she looks fat, wanting to hear one answer whether it's true or not. INTPs are not the type to play along with this.

    Sidenote: Apparently in Iran, if you invite anyone into your home and they compliment anything you have, no matter how large and expensive, you must offer it to them to be polite. However, they must refuse. And the two of you have to repeat, "You can have it!" "Oh no, but thank you!" a few times and then go on with whatever you were talking about.

  4. #94
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sofmarhof View Post
    You know, that's probably a case of INTPs just not caring about social norms. It's probably a pretty common ritual for one partner to ask to be compared to previous partners, expecting the answer, "Oh, you're the best!" Like the stereotypical wife asking her husband if she looks fat, wanting to hear one answer whether it's true or not. INTPs are not the type to play along with this.
    Yeah, I avoid playing this too. Perhaps that is playing a role in my being single... LOL
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #95
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Wow. Neither one of you has behaved appropriately, as far as I'm concerned. Asking her to compare your dates to other dates is basically asking her to compare you to other men - so you got what you asked for. I would have taken it one step further and talked about how amazing the sex was, simply out of spite. Yeah, I can be immature at times too, I know. But beyond that, no I have never once searched through anyone's things. I always rationalized it that if I have to search, I might as well break up now because the trust is gone. And there is no point if there is no trust.
    My thoughts exactly.

    I almost dated an INFP that would do the same thing first mentioned in your post about "comparing people." We were looking through her high school year book, and she pointed at a girl her ex ditched her for and asked, "Am I prettier than her?" My response was something like, "I really don't have a place to judge-" she then interrupted with, "Just say yes."

    My analysis: you're doing what an ENFJ male friend of mine does: playing the game so hard that it plays you. If you're trying to be the greatest boyfriend in the world, then you deserve a mug, not a person.

    And, yes, jealousy sucks, right? What's another word for that.... Envy! Hey, there it is- one of the seven deadly sins. I actually converted out of Christianity, but I'll still try to speak your language (please take it as the advice it's intended to be): See this as a test. If you want to smash someone's head in with a brick, then you're probably not thinking on the right track. If your religious beliefs are the punchline of a joke, then do what Jesus did and give all your haters love. ...However, if you're holding up your part of being a "good" person, and she refuses to acknowledge it, end it on the spot.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  6. #96
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    hey everyone,
    thanks again for all this great input. I appreciate the time you have taken to reply, whether it was to help me or just get your two cents in, all information is well appreciated. I see a lot of trust being mentioned and from the get go I didn't trust her. So yes I know you will all say just end it or I should not have started it etc. What I am asking now: Is this relationship completely done and unfixable? Once I do not trust is it indefinitely over? I am starting to trust her now, and for the record I have had a past of trust issues.

    Thank you all very much and no Jenocyde I am not that guy. I was infatuated with an ESTP female this summer and me and you got into it but I was blinded by my emotions and fueled by you being digitally mean to me. I am sorry for retaliating with anger. <3

  7. #97
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    hey everyone,
    thanks again for all this great input. I appreciate the time you have taken to reply, whether it was to help me or just get your two cents in, all information is well appreciated. I see a lot of trust being mentioned and from the get go I didn't trust her. So yes I know you will all say just end it or I should not have started it etc. What I am asking now: Is this relationship completely done and unfixable? Once I do not trust is it indefinitely over? I am starting to trust her now, and for the record I have had a past of trust issues.

    Thank you all very much and no Jenocyde I am not that guy. I was infatuated with an ESTP female this summer and me and you got into it but I was blinded by my emotions and fueled by you being digitally mean to me. I am sorry for retaliating with anger. <3
    Hey Jonathan, sorry I got you confused but I guess that just shows you how easily I move on from things and forget them - including this encounter of which you speak. I seriously don't remember it and even if I did, I wouldn't hold it against you. I know it's hard to be objective about something so close to you and I don't expect anyone to take rational advice when it comes to emotions. If I came across as mean, I'm sure that was not my intention. I just speak very bluntly about what I think and I know that it can be off-putting to those a little more sensitive. So I also apologize if I hurt your feelings, now or then.

    About the above, I was seriously trying to help. If you can't trust her, then I think you should evaluate your trust issues. Specifically, dig deep inside and figure out if this stems from you not trusting anyone in general, or if you don't trust her specifically. If it's the general, then it may help to talk to someone you trust, a psychologist or a spiritual leader to find the root of this and how to overcome it.

    If it is specific to her, well, no one can tell you if your relationship is salvageable. It all depends on how willing both of you are to deal with this and how committed you are to staying together. But I suggest being as honest as possible, without being accusative, when dealing with an NT woman. State the facts as you see them, clearly and concisely, and I wish you all the best!

  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    Hi everyone I have returned. I have found myself in a vulnerable state and I need help not smart remarks or insults, please.
    I am an INTJ and I have maintained friendly relationships with ALL my exs. I even set one of my exes up with his wife! Lucky for me my ISTP husband is NOT even remotely jealous.

    He doesn't have to be jealous because once it is over for me . . . it is OVER. It is easy for me to turn off the emotional connection and redefine the relationship based solely on new platonic parameters.

    On the other hand I HATE jealousy and broke up with an ex because he tackled a guy I was simply saying hello to. I also hate emotionalism, being controlled, spied on, distrusted or manipulated in any way. If I feel that is happening . . . I run!!!

    Now here is the clue as to whether or not it is working out between you two. Is she being secretive or honest about this prior relationship? Is she taking the time to work through your fears with you? ENFJs feelings are very sensitive . . . does she see this as a strength or a weakness? Finally has it been longer than 3 months? Take a break from calling her (If you love someone, set them free) if she calls YOU then you can relax!!!

    HOWEVER . . . although I know it is hard to find single Christians, don't you think it would be better for you to be equally yoked? I mean, have you considered how truly compatible you are? It really doesn't sound as if the two of you are headed in the same direction as far as beliefs, life goals, etc are concerned. There may be a lot of chemistry now . . . but once that wears off . . . will you be wanting the same things out of life?

    Maybe your jealousy is telling you what your intuition already knows, that she is not right for you. Perhaps you are blaming the other guy because you are afraid that it's going to ends soon any way and you are simply preparing yourself for the inevitable in a way that makes sense to you.

    God wants to grant you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37) Trust Him to send you the right girl. He is seldom early, but never late. Your soul mate will come at exactly the right time and it will feel as though you have known her your whole life! Try asking Him what he wants for you!

  9. #99
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    doesn't sound like a healthy relationship that will really go anywhere to me... sorry *shrug*

    For one, you sound a lot like an ENFJ alpha male ex of mine who couldn't get over the fact that I was friends with guys who he was paranoid were more attractive than he was- and some of them I'd slept with before. No matter how many times I explained that I was with HIM, not them and that should mean something to him, he didn't get it...

    If you're that paranoid, it's going to eat at the relationship until it implodes

    plus, you guys don't have your values aligned and you don't really seem to respect each other (you invade her privacy, she won't respect your friendships...) which is another bad indication
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #100
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Synarch said it all. I also feel that INTPs have boundary issues. When they become close with someone, they don't know where to stop. The less evolved ones find themselves in weird situations that spiral out of control before they realize it. They seem to have no sense of how society works. I get a hug that is a little too inappropriate. Or a well meaning gift executed in a creepy manner. One INTP guy I know bought a gift for his girlfriend's sister and snuck into her bedroom and left it under her sheets. That is the definition of creepy, imo. No boundaries.
    This is why I prefer them cold and detached. When they get close it can be really, really weird and sometimes a bit scary. Though, I am a bit skittish by nature.

    And I get the impression that they are scared to say no to people. So if they found themselves in an awkward situation, they would most likely roll with it rather than try to stop it - just to avoid the confrontation. But I don't believe that they have dubious intentions. And I don't think they are that way with those that are close to them.
    They just wait until they are on their own again. This makes them susceptible to many things the way they will go along.


    (Are you the same guy that made multiple posts about an INTP girl a few months ago, a girl that wouldn't commit and broke up with you and freaked out when you had sex with someone else? If you are that same guy and she is that same girl, I think the two of you probably are not very well suited. At all.)
    Nope. Not me.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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