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  1. #11
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    My T has made a lot of troubles for me to integrate into society, because most of girls are F and so they never understood me, how come that I never cry or yell while upset. The only situations when I start to show my negative emotions is while I'm desperately curious about smth, but I can't understand it. I've learnt to dramatize my emotions a little bit, so I may look like a F a bit, but still I find it hard, because it's just not me. And I bet I really look fake and I feel fake also, while doing it. I think it's pretty much the same also opposite. If you dare (I don't) to be fully yourself, why should you try to be someone else?
    Oh yeah?

  2. #12
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    In normal conditions, depression is an alarm that forces you to progress. It's an important part of growth and development in that sense.

    As for your question, personally, I envision as many outcomes as possible. I try to remain unattached to any specific outcome. In the case that does not work, I attempt to attach myself to multiple outcomes, which weakens that initial attachment, thus making it easier to systematically detach at a later date.

    It's really just an attempt to find multiple profitable outcomes, or re-framing the situation in general. It really builds your composure when you know that you have enough backup plans to come out on top out of sheer probability.
    Function Activity:
    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkyway2 View Post
    I don't know how I did it. I just always remember feeling like my emotions and my mind were separate.
    That.

    The focus is on the mind.
    The self identifies with the mind.
    And the self structures reality with the mind.

    When that is the basis for one's identity, then emotions (which do not operate "rationally") are not seen as part of self, they are seen as "Other."

    And often they are dangerous, because they can lead one to react spontaneously in ways that are not rational or with foreseeable consequences, which makes the future seem dangerous and risky.

    So one processes emotions and tries to figure them out -- deconstruct them -- and then act on the KNOWLEDGE of the emotion stimulation rather than the emotion itself.

    It is like.. first I think something... and then that makes me cry or get angry or whatever. So if I can not think that thought, I won't feel the emotion...
    I don't do the avoidance/repression thing, for me personally that feels dishonest. The emotions exist and must be examined or I'm ignoring part of the honest fabric of reality; they must simply not be the master.

    I think until I got better at deciding what to do with the emotions, when I was young, I just kept them inside. As long as I do not vocalize them or act upon them, not until my mind has deconstructed them and figured out the best response, then they are okay to experience internally and try to understand. This resulted in a very large wall between my inner world and the outer world; my manner was very flat, emotionally, and reasoned; and I didn't say much at all in general around people I did not know, to avoid my emotions getting the better of me.

    Later it was just suppression, or forcing myself to "drain." A bad emotion came through, I would empty myself of any feeling. It is literally like pulling the plug on a tub of emotion and letting it all drain out. I could feel it go and afterward I was cold, peaceful, at rest, and empty. I do not think this is the best strategy for living but definitely enabled me to survive some painful and impossible situations in my life, which retaining basic emotional clarity.

    A trick I learned in late teens / adulthood was "letting go." When a very painful emotion came through, I would force myself to physically relax and let it flow "through me." This crystallized for me once when I was walking in a very brisk winter wind and my whole body was stiff trying to fight off the cold... but once I forced myself to relax and let the cold flow through me, it was so much better, nor was I reacting against the chill, I was merely experiencing it. I practiced this in regard to my emotions too -- to relax, let the emotion permeate and flow through me, and all the angst would vanish and I would just resonate with the emotion without having to act on it. I think this response is a bit better because you still are open to the experience, you just embrace it as part of you instead of trying to fight it, and then the angst that normally results in sporadic behavior where emotions are concerned never actually does come out.

    (Of course, you can give yourself over to it too in the way popularized by the Sith in Star Wars, let dark emotion fill and empower you; but that is not what I am describing.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    About Fe.
    In my teens, I've tried desperately to belong to the group. I've adapted myself more than I wanted and to no effect - people still bullied me. So I've decided (consciously indeed) to not adapt to group norms any more and see who still liked me.
    That's good. I think as long as you are being your natural self -- whether it conforms to group standards or not -- that's healthy. There is still the balance of how to participate meaningfully in a community atmosphere, where individual needs and group needs have to be balanced, but in terms of 'who you are' I think it's important to give people an opportunity to accept or reject the authentic you.

    I played that game for many years of trying to have everyone like me by always avoiding any words or actions of potentially negative consequence, and it was foolish now I see. Living is fear is not a good way to live.... and just like you discovered, generally, the people who will accept you will accept you no matter what, while those who have to be placated and will otherwise reject you never really accepted you in the first place.

    It is a false peace and a devil's compromise.
    It's better to be yourself from the start, within context of that community.
    Anything you build on a false foundation is nothing more than illusion anyway.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    Senior Member InfiniteIntrigue's Avatar
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    Distancing yourself from emotion is not healthy.
    It happens naturally to me Which is unfortunate, because when I experience anger I feel so intense and bothered. I don't like this feeling, it's draining.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves,
    who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad
    memories and allow themselves to be provoked this
    easily -- weak people, in other words -- they stand no chance."
    -Severus Snape

  5. #15
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InfiniteIntrigue View Post
    Distancing yourself from emotion is not healthy.It happens naturally to me Which is unfortunate, because when I experience anger I feel so intense and bothered. I don't like this feeling, it's draining.
    Ditto to this for me

    When my mum died I absorbed all the emotions and t came out as medical problems.... really unhealthy, really really unhealthy...

    I don't remember funeralse of people who are important... I remember vageries of the day but not a lot else.... Aain not too healthy - but not all that distructive...

    In very heated arguments, I blank out the bits that upset me most... again not healthy, but I think that their is probably self protection in there...

    on one occation I got so upset by an ex boyfriend that I couldn't speak....

    All of the above are extreme cases, generally speaking I work with my emotions or try too.

    I loathe people being agressive towards me... I'm probably oober sensitive too it, in the main it's so unessesary, if a person just speaks to me almost always I will comply with them.... but if they get agressive or demanding I will get defensive and do the exact opposite.

    That said I dont' avoid confrontation, because I know it willg et a lot worse if I don't get it over and done with... I think I suffer from more anxiety than I've ever really previously been aware off

  6. #16
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    I can't say as it is something I did deliberately. I suppose it arose from the realisation that uncontroled emotion leads you into trouble and a tendancy to miss all those subtle social signals that other people seem to spot so readily.

  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InfiniteIntrigue View Post
    Distancing yourself from emotion is not healthy.
    It happens naturally to me Which is unfortunate, because when I experience anger I feel so intense and bothered. I don't like this feeling, it's draining.
    Anger definitely saps energy. Lots of it.
    It's like burning the reserves from all ends at once.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
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    Thank you everyone for your insight up to this point. I am starting to wonder if I am becoming one of those "dark" INFJs?

    Until recently, I was never really in touch with my emotional state. As a child, my stepfather (INTP) used to make fun of me for being too sensitive, but I eventually earned his respect by analyzing his viewpoints on things and pointing out faults in his rationalizations. Growing up, I assumed that it made logical sense to help others in need if one had the ability to do so (regardless of wanting to help or not... perhaps this was influenced by religious upbringing).

    This brings me to another question. Can Te emulate Fe? For example, doesn't it make logical sense to use socially appropriate behavior when in a social situation? If one has the ability to assist someone, shouldn't he/she assist that person? Or does Fe start to act like Te when "burned out"?

  9. #19
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lemonade View Post
    Can Te emulate Fe? For example, doesn't it make logical sense to use socially appropriate behavior when in a social situation? If one has the ability to assist someone, shouldn't he/she assist that person? Or does Fe start to act like Te when "burned out"?
    I think you can think yourself into behaviour approrpiately and communicating that, but you can't think yourself into feeling something.....

    People with Narcissistic Disorders, tend to portrate a mask of feeling when their is none, it's a scary f'ing thing to wartch........ its so patently obvious that it's a vaneer or mask but they are clinging to it. You can see the total lack of empathy and it's plain old creep.

    Yes I do think that a care word F type can be T when pushed to their limits... but the limit is fairly extreme.

    I would also like to point out a T type can maintain compation and empathy with people thorughout the deicion making process until the final choice... but that doesn't make it easy on them.

    I once broke off a relationship with a guy I loved to the marrow of my bones, but I didn't want to be with him forever, it was hard, really hard, but nessesary....

  10. #20
    Senior Member Valuable_Money's Avatar
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