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  1. #1
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Default ''only friends'' relationship between male and female

    Being an ENTP, I have realized that usually my ''soul-friends'' are only male, I still got pretty many female friends, but I don't take them so seriously. I mean, I just don't trust females, I still respect their opinion, but I don't listen to their advice and don't talk with them about my feelings as much as I do with my male friends and, yes, being honest, female friends annoy me way more often than my male ones. So here's the problem:

    The bad thing about male friends is that, sometimes, as my personal experience shows (I'm still pretty young) that sooner or later at least one of them will try to have some kind of sexual contact or even develop it into a romantic relationship. I, somehow, try to avoid it, but it always happens and only one of those guys are still my friend, even though I said no. The others, who I've refused ran away or if I even agreed, i guess, they start to think that there's smth more than a friendship between us, but IMO there isn't and I don't really like hurting my friends, so it's my turn to run away . At the same time, I know a perfect example, a guy and a girl of my age, who are I would say really good friends (absolutely not a couple), they've their own girlfriends and boyfriends, but at the same time they've had sex. I guess it's okay until they don't have a date, but what if they do? I mean, it's good to have a friend, but that's still cheating to your date.

    What is your opinion about male and female ''only friends'' kind of relationship and why and do you try to avoid that?

    Especially, I would like to read male opinions, because, I guess there's some logical kind of part missing in my understanding about men thoughts of all this.

  2. #2
    morose bourgeoisie
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    I think it rarely works. That's been my experience. Usually the male does what you have described: gets grabby or falls for the girl. Typical!

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I think it's possible. It works if neither of you is interested in the other romantically.

    I notice my truly platonic male friendships are very different from my female ones. We hang out in groups, they mainly call/text email to let me know something is going on, etc. We're not emotionally close, but we are friends. My friendships with guys that are closer emotionally do have a romantic tinge, but everything from no physical chemistry, living distance, current relationships, unrequited feelings, etc, keeps it from becoming more than a friendship. I think if you get past those hurdles, you often end up with a brother/sister type relationship.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    My friendships with guys that are closer emotionally do have a romantic tinge
    So, your opinion is that if the friendship is emotionally close, at least one of the persons has a romantic interest in the other person?

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theaferist View Post
    So, your opinion is that if the friendship is emotionally close, at least one of the persons has a romantic interest in the other person?
    No, I'm saying it usually takes on a romantic tone. It doesn't mean there is direct interest, but there's more potential for interest to develop, and that can be overcome, but then it usually settles into a brother-sister dynamic or backs off to a casual friendship. I find it cannot stay in romantic-friendship state indefinitely.
    Last edited by OrangeAppled; 12-17-2009 at 06:13 PM. Reason: typo
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #6
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think male emotions and sex are very intertwined with each other and harder to separate out than women's emotions and sexual interest. I think women are open to a wider variety of people, but are pickier in some regards when it comes to relationships. However, people grow on them as a romantic prospect sometimes through proximity. Men seem to be able to be attracted to a larger section on the population but are less likely than women to develop attraction if they didn't feel it initially.

    From a practical standpoint, I don't think they tend to spend time on relationships that they feel have no potential to go anywhere. Since sex is inextricably (in many cases) a part of the equation, if there is no possibility of romance, it either becomes very uncomfortable for them, or else they move on.

    In most cases, neither sex invests the amount of time and energy needed to create a close emotional relationship unless one or both parties have romantic emotions or sexual interest.

  7. #7
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Depends. I have quite the platonic relations with many girls, but we've probably already tried to be more than friends in the past.

    I tend not to get emotionally attached, but I'll start to make up reasons to like them without realizing, and when we do settle for less, I'll feel depressed without knowing why. I think I've eliminated this problem, though, with the realization to why it happens.

    I've had a really platonic friendship with an ENFJ girl- actually, no, ENFJ girls in general are hard for me to read, so I shut all the physical affection off, even innocent stuff like hugging- it gets all sorts of awkward.

    My ESTP friend, however, I could walk in her room with all my clothes off, and the conversation would probably be like, "You're naked," "Yeah, I know." She's one of the few girls I have no attraction to physically, but click big time with.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
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  8. #8
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    "only friends" FOAR NAO

  9. #9
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    I think the only potential for a real male/female friendship only is if they are mutually unattracted to each other. However, I don't think there's ever potential for it to become a really deep friendship like two males or two females would have without developing some kind of attraction. Normally, when I see this kind of situation the male and female are in the same social circle but not really best friends.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  10. #10
    Senior Member blanclait's Avatar
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    Works perfectly fine for me.
    If i don't find them attractive physically now, it's not gonna change much. (often the case)

    But usually it's the personality. Requirement for close relationships are stricter and most of my good friends who are female don't meet that requirement.

    So we continue as friends.

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