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  1. #11
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TickTock View Post
    It sounds to me like they're at a point where unsaid tension has mounted to become a destructive force, due to not sharing the same values. It sounds like they haven't talked about what they need from the other and why they feel their actions are causing dissonance. They need to voice aloud the conflicts to understand each other and then they can move towards a mutual relationship. Because at the moment they are in the dark.

    Of course this is an assumption and it's all down to them. But they might be lost in their own darkness so a little perspective might help if you can tactfully offer it.
    Yesss!! That is it. I'm just having a hard time finding a tactful approach to the situation.

  2. #12
    Member g_vartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
    Thanks g_vartan. Actually I talked to him this morning, and he brought the subject of communication. He said she talks and talks and listens and listens, but he feels out of line for speaking up for himself. I don't know if its the "intensity" that he is avoiding. I do believe if they understood each other better, in a deeper sense, they could get over this.
    Honestly, it was the main root cause of many of my relationship problems with my INTP. For example, the last time my INTP and I had a major problem, he REFUSED to pick up his phone for almost three weeks cause he knew that there was a big chance that this pending intense conversation could mean the end of our relationship. Funny enough, the only way we were able to resolve it was when I told him we didn't need to have this serious talk anymore (as I was going to do what I think needs to happen, with or without him), and with that freedom, my INTP chose to make the required change on his own.

    In a weird way, my INTP and I had to hit our rock-bottom (relationship-wise) in order to reach a deeper sense of understanding. I think the following quote sums up what I (ENFJ) needed to do in order to effectively work w/ my INTP: "love is like sand, when you hold on too tight, it might slip away." Having on-the-spot, mini discussions on issues rather than one big serious conversation has also been more effective for us.
    Men themselves have wondered what they see in me. They try so much but they can't touch my inner mystery. I'm a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me. /Maya Angelou

  3. #13
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by g_vartan View Post
    Honestly, it was the main root cause of many of my relationship problems with my INTP. For example, the last time my INTP and I had a major problem, he REFUSED to pick up his phone for almost three weeks cause he knew that there was a big chance that this pending intense conversation could mean the end of our relationship. Funny enough, the only way we were able to resolve it was when I told him we didn't need to talk about it anymore (I was going to do what I think needs to happen and he could do whatever he wanted), and my INTP chose to make the required change on his own.

    In a weird way, my INTP and I had to hit our rock-bottom (relationship-wise) in order to reach a deeper sense of understanding. I think the following quote sums up what I (ENFJ) needed to do in order to effectively work w/ my INTP: "love is like sand, when you hold on too tight, it might slip away."
    Thank you. Your post has gave me a sense of comfort. They might possibly be hitting rock-bottom in order to grow stronger with a deeper understanding.

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