I find that if I feel as though someone is expecting or sorta demanding, in a way, that I feel a certain emotion towards them, it seems to cause me to shut down any emotions at all towards them, and to simply detach. Paradoxically, the less someone appears to value/need me to attach or warm towards them, the quicker and easier I do so.
Invariably, the people I've been attracted to have all shared that common feature: that they accepted me exactly as i am, with no need, desire or expectation for me to 'get warmer' or to 'overcome' my aversion to touchy-feeliness. But when this has caused me to melt and spontaneously desire to touch/hug them (now feeling it's 'safe' to, which I don't feel with the touchy-feely types... oddly...), they just enjoy it, but don't then change to start expecting it, or mourning it if it stops for a while.
Marcus Aurelius is in my pocket at all times, though he's a late comer as it were and not particularly radical or anything, he has a way of putting things that I just find chimes with me very much.I'm also a fan of the stoics. Anyone else love the stoics?