[ENTJ] ENTJ reaction to end of relationship

[Kambro]

How do ENTJ's react to the end of a relationship?

 

[teslashock]

I was with an ENTJ for a really long time, and we ended it mainly because I just was over him. This is how he responded:

1) He wanted reasons, reasons, and more reasons as to why were breaking up. They had to be tangible and sensible. They were hard for me to give mainly because they were so emotionally-based, and I have trouble interpretting emotions.

2) He really wanted the relationship to last, so he tried to figure out "solutions" to our problems. A futile effort, imo, considering that I was just completely disinterested in continuing.

3) He started to point out all of the flaws he found in me. How I was too disorganized and whimsical and living in the clouds. He got bitter and angsty, and his insults towards me were his way of letting out his negative emotions I guess.

4) He became over-the-top confident in a haughty "I don't need her" sort of way. I think he did this to convince himself that he was over me, even before he really was.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Depends on how into her I am.

My first serious relationship took me 2 years to get over.

 

[teslashock]

Depends on how into her I am.

My first serious relationship took me 2 years to get over.

Yeah I would say that ENTJs will get over it right away if they had no emotional investment. They probably just convince themselves that their mate wasn't worth the honor of their time anyway. But if one gets into you, then he/she goes all out, at least in my experience.

 

[JustHer]

Try to figure out exactly what happened and why it happened until I am satisfied with the answer.

Then turn into extreme extroversion more where I participate in highly hedonistic Se activities and start organizing and restructuring my life and diving into new things.

 

[JustHer]

Yeah I would say that ENTJs will get over it right away if they had no emotional investment. They probably just convince themselves that their mate wasn't worth the honor of their time anyway. But if one gets into you, then he/she goes all out, at least in my experience.

Yeah if there's no emotional investment then i get over it in like a day or two

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

If there is no emotional investment, there is nothing for me to get over.

 

[King sns]

My ENTJ cried a lot. He'd go from being super cold drill sargeant busy mode.. Then we'd start to talk about it and he would start to cry and not make much sense at all. Their inferior Fi sucks and doesn't work very well I guess. And he'd apologize for being too "emo." I moved out and we stopped talking for a while. I tried to talk to him recently but he's pretty much still in those two back and forth modes and is too hard to communicate with. He always says "I think about every aspect of this all the time." But he's not able to talk about it very well so i'm not really sure what goes through his head.

 

[teslashock]

If there is no emotional investment, there is nothing for me to get over.

Thus the ease in getting over it.

But come on, you wouldn't miss the sex a little bit, even if there's no emotional investment?

 

[teslashock]

My ENTJ cried a lot. He'd go from being super cold drill sargeant busy mode.. Then we'd start to talk about it and he would start to cry and not make much sense at all. Their inferior Fi sucks and doesn't work very well I guess. And he'd apologize for being too "emo." I moved out and we stopped talking for a while. I tried to talk to him recently but he's pretty much still in those two back and forth modes and is too hard to communicate with.

I experienced this with mine too. They just think they are the scum of the earth when their emotions start to seep through that impermeable Te membrane.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I had a 20 yr old gymnast I was friends with benefits with (well we weren't friends it was just benefits) for seven months this year.

On the 4 of july I told her I could see her anymore.

That was the last time I had sex, and I don't regret my decision at all.

 

[teslashock]

On the 4 of july I told her I could see her anymore.

That was the last time I had sex, and I don't regret my decision at all.

Yeah, well your penis probably does. Good thing your brain is more governed by your TeNi than your PeNis though.

 

[Kambro]

I was with an ENTJ for a really long time, and we ended it mainly because I just was over him. This is how he responded:

1) He wanted reasons, reasons, and more reasons as to why were breaking up. They had to be tangible and sensible. They were hard for me to give mainly because they were so emotionally-based, and I have trouble interpretting emotions.

2) He really wanted the relationship to last, so he tried to figure out "solutions" to our problems. A futile effort, imo, considering that I was just completely disinterested in continuing.

3) He started to point out all of the flaws he found in me. How I was too disorganized and whimsical and living in the clouds. He got bitter and angsty, and his insults towards me were his way of letting out his negative emotions I guess.

4) He became over-the-top confident in a haughty "I don't need her" sort of way. I think he did this to convince himself that he was over me, even before he really was.

Ouch reminds me of myslef a INTJ/P but 90% of tests say J. I think Keirsey test identify P. Does that sound correct?

 

[Kambro]

Depends on how into her I am.

My first serious relationship took me 2 years to get over.

At least I never took longer than a month or two. I was told once that I would walk away and simply not ever look back. Not true but how an ESFJ perceived me.

I can dwell on things initially for months but then somehow at some point I move onto new things.

 

[Kambro]

Try to figure out exactly what happened and why it happened until I am satisfied with the answer.

Then turn into extreme extroversion more where I participate in highly hedonistic Se activities and start organizing and restructuring my life and diving into new things.

Why I posted this is that after an argument over stupid issue ENTJ IRL who was very much into me ("I give u a lot of airtime" she said) she indirectly made contact which I ignored. Although she is not initiating contact she does react if I sms (text for your foreigners - LOL) or call her. But we both have kept conversation brief and act friendly but reserved.

I was told that she would have swinged axe on me and ignored me if she was over relationship?

Just puzzling as I want to have some indicators to determine if ENTJ over our relationship or not

 

[Vanitas]

If I have no emotional investment/ attachment to that person or relationship, I just leave. The person probably wonder why I disappear suddenly, from previously (in the process of ...measuring the person, usually) always being around, but honestly I wouldn't care.

When an ENTJ suddenly 'switch' to ignoring and being distant to you, you probably should get a hint and give it up. We just don't think you worth the effort/ consideration anymore.

 

[JustHer]

Although she is not initiating contact she does react if I sms (text for your foreigners - LOL) or call her. But we both have kept conversation brief and act friendly but reserved.

I was told that she would have swinged axe on me and ignored me if she was over relationship?

Just puzzling as I want to have some indicators to determine if ENTJ over our relationship or not

For the love of god, just ASK her.

 

[teslashock]

For the love of god, just ASK her.

Yeah if she's a true ENTJ, she'll respect the straightforwardness.

 

[Kambro]

For the love of god, just ASK her.

Yeah if she's a true ENTJ, she'll respect the straightforwardness.

LOL - I am going to take you both up on this as I am going on vacation to her hometown this week - 17 hour drive but flights just too expensive.

As a lawyer by training (i.e. already admitted advocate/barrister) I assume you would be willing to guarantee your advice.

OK, OK, I know - just ask her and get an answer, but is it not better to let her cool off? Other thing is - I think I should chat to the gossiping friend and belatedly advise him that his behaviour is unacceptable? Not sure if there is any benefit in such action at this late stage but he should be made aware that his behaviour is no OK.

 

[theplacesyoullgo]

I doubt you need to wait for her to "cool off." Her decision is probably already made. We're impulsive like that. Really, just ask her straight-up and put any doubts to rest. It sounds like you may (understandably) be afraid of her potential answer.